The way we live our lives can have a influence on how we feel, and last week my anxiety really hit me and I was helping out as a Playworker at a local school and found it too much. I am glad I did it but felt overwhelmed by it, and need to tell myself "Stop diving into the deep end and take your time".
With opportunities I tend to jump in with both feet and can be my biggest downfall, yet I still did the work, I still put the hours in and still learned from it. Looking after children all day can be a challenge and so from that if it was shorter hours in the mindset I was, would have been better and gradually built up my hours whilst I got back into that working routine.
It has been a while since I did any outside work and so it was bound to play on my anxiety and it took over. This damaged my confidence and I began to see I suffering from imposter syndrome and felt "Not good enough, I am rubbish and how come my colleague can be super confident I chose the wrong job", and it went on and on in my head.
Am I good enough?
I began to clock watch and felt that I couldn't do the hours and it really hit me, "This isn't the job for me", yet as said I still turned up, but decided that a similar job that I can do for less hours may workout to be better for me.
I haven't given up but moved on and now ready for the next opportunity.
I need to stop comparing myself to bring me down but to use it to built it up.
Many thanks for reading,
Carrie X
