Expectations of yourself and lowering them

When there is so much expectation on us we can often feel like hiding and hopefully be invisible. We don't want people to see us that we aren't robots but human beings and so we can only handle so much. We feel bogged down and like screaming "I CAN'T DO THIS", and then feel terrible for screaming out and then makes us feel even more shallow. 

I have been there when working in a Call Centre and it was when there were riots going on, and there was news that they would be coming to where we were working in Kingston and just stood and said "I can't deal with this" and so was asked if wanted to go home, and I did. Even now I am unsure as to what this was about, but I felt this fear that people going into shops taking stuff and wrecking businesses. 

As a mum can become stressful and feel that there is a lot of judgement of how you should parent and feel that we aren't getting it right. 

This I think back was myself making me feel overwhelmed and that I had made a mindset and habit of putting myself down all the time. It can be draining when you feel no self worth, but then do I want to be feeling like this for the rest of my life? No! I feel so good about me now and because I have taken myself back a bit and gone through the insecurities I have and thought, well how can I overcome this? And it is putting yourself first. As I write that I get the little voice, "Should I say that?", but I do I feel good in my skin and lowered the expectation of myself. 

Where I would before would not take photos of myself now do and I even put together a photo book of selfies and this worked and feel that "I am not that bad after all".

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Typical London Gal 

 

Facing a mirror

There was a time where I would avoid mirrors, because it would really make myself as I have been like an enemy to myself. I'd get so upset and would look at others think how come they look so good, but I don't?

That is the first thing, not comparing. It is draining to not want to face my face and would be my own worse critic. Looking at myself from top to bottom, and thinking "Why do I look like this?", and "Wheres my confidence?".

You don't just find confidence, because it is a feeling habit that we have done since a kid and thought being an adult these feelings would go away but for doing this habit for so long, took while to shake it off. Is to do it because we have been influenced? It can be, and being told that I have put on weight, which did happen, hard. Being overweight did bother me and so I had to make changes as it was making avoid looking at myself. I began to take on exercise, this was the best I needed. I started to look at the portions I was eating and realised I was eating big with each meal, yet a year before I was losing a lot weight. This was because I was burning it off through the work I was doing. I was working at a holiday camp and so was on a my feet a lot. 

Birth control was the culprit at the time, because as soon as I stopped taking it the weight piled off. 

Is weight everything? It can play a factor on how we feel about ourselves, and it did for me. I began to find it hard to buy clothes that fitted me and stopped going out because I was so conscious of it. I felt inadequate. 

Now though 12 years or so later I never felt as good as I do now, I like the clothes I have and putting on make up has made a difference, but also feel better when I don't put it on, I think about my skin and protect it and so allow my face and body to breathe and really take care of myself. And it is that, that can make a huge difference. 

So I can now look in the mirror and no longer avoid them. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Typical London Gal