When there is so much expectation on us we can often feel like hiding and hopefully be invisible. We don't want people to see us that we aren't robots but human beings and so we can only handle so much. We feel bogged down and like screaming "I CAN'T DO THIS", and then feel terrible for screaming out and then makes us feel even more shallow.
I have been there when working in a Call Centre and it was when there were riots going on, and there was news that they would be coming to where we were working in Kingston and just stood and said "I can't deal with this" and so was asked if wanted to go home, and I did. Even now I am unsure as to what this was about, but I felt this fear that people going into shops taking stuff and wrecking businesses.
As a mum can become stressful and feel that there is a lot of judgement of how you should parent and feel that we aren't getting it right.
This I think back was myself making me feel overwhelmed and that I had made a mindset and habit of putting myself down all the time. It can be draining when you feel no self worth, but then do I want to be feeling like this for the rest of my life? No! I feel so good about me now and because I have taken myself back a bit and gone through the insecurities I have and thought, well how can I overcome this? And it is putting yourself first. As I write that I get the little voice, "Should I say that?", but I do I feel good in my skin and lowered the expectation of myself.
Where I would before would not take photos of myself now do and I even put together a photo book of selfies and this worked and feel that "I am not that bad after all".
Many thanks for reading,
Carrie X
Typical London Gal
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