Tuesday, 28 June 2022

When your kids give you confidence and how we can learn from them

I have worked a lot on myself and I am writing many things about this and like sharing hoping that you as my audience and followers find it helpful and makes you feel better. When we lack confidence we can often feel like we are on our own, but no we are not. 

My son tells me that he loves me now, and I love it, and gives me such confidence because I feel me and my son have turned a corner in that he feels happy to share how he feels, and it is so endearing. I think its because you know they mean it, and not saying it because it is a new sentence they have just learned. 

He is so aware of what is around him and who is who in his life and when he calls me I get so touched about it and feel such comfort. I tell him everyday I love him and I want our relationship to be a good window for him and me to talk about things and be expressive. For a while I felt the relationship was being effected, because I'd want to be with me phone rather than spending time to play, and disappointed in myself in doing that, but I feared being a parent and so to escape I'd be looking on my phone, rather than playing with my son. 

How was I able to bond with Henry if I want to spend time bonding with my phone and blogs, rather than him? I now I leave my phone in my bag, and when he is with me, make sure I take it out of site and this has made a huge difference, because he will knock it out of my hand, to say, "Its my time not your phone" and this has been a education for me as kids live for now, not what happened yesterday or what is happening tomorrow but now, presently. 

Our insecurities can be passed on, but since spending time with my son, it has made me active, playing football, tennis and cricket, and pushed these feelings of low self worth better. 

I do write a parenting blog if you'd like to check it out, https://theparentingadventurestipsandtricks.wordpress.com  and I have books on parenting too, check them out on amazon.com, under my names, Carrie Challoner and Carrie Holmes. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Wednesday, 22 June 2022

Building confidents as a mum

Everything I do I doubt myself, and has become a habit. I share a lot about my life online, and I doubt this too. It is safe to say I am a doubter and proud about it, but know it something I progressively changing. 

I am learning to look after myself without feeling guilty that "I shouldn't be doing that as its selfish and being selfish is wrong". NO IT IS NOT! my gut tells me. I have learned your gut says a thousand things and I am learning to use it to stop the doubting. 

Thing about being a mum I thought I'd have it all sussed as I have looked after other peoples children, but it is totally different. There is no running away and passing the responsibility and it can fall on your shoulders and covered in pooh, and then phone rings, the door goes and its like "Why didn't anyone tell me?", "I never knew it will be like this", and I didn't. Yet I naturally loved my little boy and couldn't believe he had arrived and it took a while to sink it. I never had issues about bonding, but it was getting to know this little human and meant that I would have to get myself together. 

I have come to see I will always be doubting but I know how to handle it now and answer it, and that is by saying "I know what I am doing, and I know myself, and prove it to myself, and I have done that by setting goals for me and my son, and grow our relationship by sharing my love to him. He now tells me he loves me and it really does make my heart melt. So I feel that I have done alright and the doubt has become less. 

I can cook for my son, I can get him to read a book and can help get his homework done and be there on time when he comes home from school, and do practice affirmations and even have a notebook with them written down, and this has helped me a lot. 

I have a gratitude journal and go through what I am thankful for including how I feel about myself and I have changed a lot. I am no longer a stranger to myself, being a human being and a mum, and have more self belief in myself than ever before. 

So focus on what you can rather than what you can't do.

I have books on parenting and other topics on amazon.com under the names Carrie Challoner and Carrie Holmes, so if you'd like to read them then take a look.  

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X   

Friday, 3 June 2022

Feeling self Conscious during the summer

I get so worried over the summer when it comes to the way I look and feel, and I wrote a blog a long time ago about having bikini body, if I find it I will link it. I can't wear a dress without shaving my legs first and my armpits. I hate having body hair. The only place I like it, is when its on my head and so invest a lot of money on razors, and always wear flip flops because of hair growth on my feet and because I don't always paint my nails. 

I don't wear a bikini, but a swimming costume and with pair of cycling shorts because of body hair. If I could get it done I would have have laser treatment to get rid of my body hair and not have to worry about it. 

I have used fake tan before now, but it always looked patchy, and so I do try to spend time in the sun, but I have never been good with heat, and become hot and bothered. Not that I don't like summer, I do, as it like it when it gets dark later in the day. It does feel you have more of a day, yet it is always a battle of what to wear, because of feeling self conscious. 

My go to items are leggins and I do own some pairs of shorts but not a lot. I tend to wear these indoors and not outside, a lot. I would love to look good in a bikini, and have more swim wear. I remember as a kid when we would go to Menorca and many of the women we travelled with, would go topless, and admired this, as the woman's body shouldn't be nothing to hide, as we carry babies in ours and not something we should take for granted. I have had to work a lot with being body confident and accepting what I have.

For me it is about taking one step at a time, and going to invest in creating a more happiness with myself and find items that are flattering, and not feel bad in doing so. Listening to a lot of Life Coaches like Mel Robbins, Grant Cardone and Tony Robbins, to invest in myself and that is to be more summer confident. How about you do you feel the same. 

Please leave a comment below, and lets support each other, as often just that alone can help how we feel about ourselves and spend time in working on appearance, and what is going to make you happy. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X   

Thursday, 19 May 2022

When life takes over and don't get enough done

When we create to do lists, it can be overshadowed by the things we haven't written or typed up. Life! Example your GP contacts you to have a consultation, like myself, because I have a whole in my heart have to have checks on my health, and these are life tasks that can stop us in our steps in getting our to do lists completed. 

Life will come before anything else and I had to put my schedule on hold because of my son a few weeks ago, had chicken pox's and so had to put my to do list on hold that week, and get some time in the evenings. The inner critic, can begin to talk to  you, in your mind, but I silence it by saying to it "I will get the items on my to do list completed, it just won't happen in that week because of life". 

Flexibility is a must for me, and even if it means doing it before bedtime, it will get done. I give myself a cut of time of 8 to 9pm, and then it is bed. Sleeping well is important, and having a stable routine can help too, as each night, I will shut my window, then pull down my blind and close my curtains to get myself ready for  good nights sleep.

I will put my night gear on and set my alarm for the next day. 

I make my lists for each day the night before and will schedule items on Sundays for the week ahead. 

I prepare myself, should this change because of life, like what days don't I have appointments on, and using google calendar to block schedule, and I go through my weekly plan using OneNote, but also write a written plan in a notebook and what items can be put on hold and be spread across the week and month. 

I set Quarterly goals, along with my days and weeks of what I would like to accomplish. 

Paying can effect our confidence, especially if you are on low income. I find spreading my money I spend out, helps and if I need to pay for an item that has broken and guarantee has ended, I have money to replace that item.

Technology can become faulty, and so it is good to have paper around, in case that happens and making a note of what I can do by hand, that I still get bits on my list completed. 

I will go through what I can do with my phone, what I can write on paper, until the device that has stopped working, is fixed, "That's if it can be", but that can stop us in our tracks and feel that we have accomplished nothing, and for me that can effect how I feel for the rest of the day or week. 

 Always check the guarantee on technology and if it can be replaced with no extra cost, then it is sense to take advantage of that. We can't help devices that stop working, but what we can control is on how we deal with it. If a site has an APP can be used, on any device, like writing I often will use google docs, rather than Word.  

I find that when devices stop working we tend to blame ourselves, and yet it is technology. It is often unpredictable. They are manmade, and so no item will last forever, in my experience, as I used to be a Customer/Technical Advisor for a manufacturer called, Philips and would help people use their Digital Boxes and products, and so, in doing this, technology will always break down and we aren't be blamed, as we buy items hoping that they will last a long time, but they never will. 

So, take away the pressure and get back to the to do list, once you've completed life tasks, and never beat yourself up over it, that is life.

I am doing a Life Coaching programme, that I have set up, called "2022 Project" so if you'd like to check out this content please go over to my site: https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com

I have also created videos too, as part of this programme, so go over to my main Youtube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUDFIqjVKLy7NhtcR6Hy0Tg

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 



Friday, 15 April 2022

The way we live our lives/Imposter Syndrome/Comparing

The way we live our lives can have a influence on how we feel, and last week my anxiety really hit me and I was helping out as a Playworker at a local school and found it too much. I am glad I did it but felt overwhelmed by it, and need to tell myself "Stop diving into the deep end and take your time".

With opportunities I tend to jump in with both feet and can be my biggest downfall, yet I still did the work, I still put the hours in and still learned from it. Looking after children all day can be a challenge and so from that if it was shorter hours in the mindset I was, would have been better and gradually built up my hours whilst I got back into that working routine. 

It has been a while since I did any outside work and so it was bound to play on my anxiety and it took over. This damaged my confidence and I began to see I suffering from imposter syndrome and felt "Not good enough, I am rubbish and how come my colleague can be super confident I chose the wrong job", and it went on and on in my head. 

Am I good enough? 

I began to clock watch and felt that I couldn't do the hours and it really hit me, "This isn't the job for me", yet as said I still turned up, but decided that a similar job that I can do for less hours may workout to be better for me. 

I haven't given up but moved on and now ready for the next opportunity. 

I need to stop comparing myself to bring me down but to use it to built it up. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 



Wednesday, 30 March 2022

Building confidence through our daily habits

When it comes to confidence it can be habits we have implemented that gets us down. Example nip picking at the way we look, what we eat and drink, being behind on work and so what we do in our lives if it is causing you to have negative thoughts then it is time to make changes to your life. 

It could be changing the mirror as I find the ones in changing rooms, for example is not always flattering so use a mirror at home to look at yourself, or buy one that gives a real image of yourself. I find the rectangle mirror can make you look bigger than what you are and same with cameras. 

Choose the correct the correct angle to take a selfie and if you feel make up will help then put it on. If you find Jewelry helps you to feel good about yourself then wear some. 

I wake up with such bad breath that it makes me really self conscious so each morning I brush my teeth as soon I wake up in the morning. I used to hate showing people my teeth, because drinking a lot of teeth made my teeth look yellow and a couple of girls in my year would laugh about that and snigger.

Now I drink one to two cups a day, two cups of coffee and drink some water.

This has made a huge difference, and now I have made a list of food I no longer want to eat and food I do and want to add. This is because I have had a donut and then biscuits and made me feel self conscious by eating these foods, and been effecting my stomach so cutting certain foods and drinks plays a part in my confidence.

Making simple changes like this can really help, and just going though what you need and listening to your mind and your gut to make difference in feeling good or bad about yourself. 

I hope this helps you and honestly it has taken a long time for me to be kind to myself, but glad to be in that place. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X


Monday, 14 March 2022

Giving things up in your life that is destroying your confidence

Is there things in your life that effects your confidence, like at work and you see it piling up, and you just not sure what to do with and worried about asking? 

There were times in my working life where I was like that, and so I would ask for further training, I would make it clear that I had no idea as to what I was doing. 

Often people that have been in jobs for a long time forget that they were a novice themselves once upon a time go, and so if they help but look unhappy because you've asked for help, then that is a problem they need to sort out. and it is important to have an answer rather than wait until they told you, you did something wrong. 

So giving up having to tip toe around people who don't want to help you, when its their job to so, don't let it bother you and ask. It's better to make sure rather than assuming, and just keep note of what they tell you that will help you in your job, when you are not sure. 

Dieting, where do we begin? 

I have been on diet, when looking back, from childhood as I was a fussy eater but I was always conscious of my size. I wasn't ever overly heavy in weight, or anything, no disrespect to those that are, I  just had what they would call  "Puppy fat" and felt like there was nothing good about myself at one time, and so when I became a teenager I was more conscious of my size and bothered by the way I looked and so tried so many times to lose weight, but now I am happy to say, dealing with it better, and looking at myself in a different light, which is "I ain't so bad after all", but it has taken 40 years on, for me to see it that way. I look is fine, and I need to be respectful to myself, as I do have good traits, and not be against myself. I am lucky to have what I have in my life, and it could be worse. 

Dieting is so different now and has seen as negative, because of quick fix ideas on losing weight, and it really about moderation. 

I food did effect my confidence, and felt that it was source of all evil at one time, but I began educating myself with books and made a difference to having a good diet. I today, felt I am eating too much chocolate so bought myself a healthy yogurt for tonight and to make better choices. 

Confidence comes with in, and we often so focused on the outside instead of listening to the inside of our bodies.

Getting fit and exercising, can be a burden rather than enjoyable, does it effect confidence?

It can do if you obsess over it. just like diet and begin to count every calorie, we can start to over train and doing to much that your body can't handle it. For me exercise is important, and that I do it when I feel I want to, and if I don't want to do any I don't. 

Being a mother I do a lot of playing football as my son is full of energy.

It is all about getting in touch with your body, and what it wants, and that again is the same as dieting.

Noone wants to feel like crap and I feel if you do it again moderately it can be beneficial. Yet if you begin to the point you can't walk the next day, it can take over the enjoyment and it has to be something you know you are going to love to do, and not dread it. 

When we see others exercise, we instantly compare ourselves. We it can reduce the endorphins rather than increase, so don't pressure, but do it when you have that burst to do some, do it and keep note of it. Set goals for yourself but what your body can handle. 

Jealousy and begrudging? 

Often when we see friends doing well for themselves and we are still stuck in a job we hate, for an example, feel jealous and feel we have nothing to offer and begin to belittle ourselves that we can lash out when it isn't their thought, but is a problem your having not them. 

Do we want to see people we care about do badly? Of course we don't and their is space for everyone to succeed, and is wasted energy and if it is getting you down then, it is time to make changes. That is keep a journal and write down why they have achieved so much, and you haven't.

Start setting plans for yourself and take yourself out. Learn a skill you have been wanting to do, and take the plunge to do it. 

Sitting within four walls all of the time, is not going to help you. Be supportive of your friends and learn from them, and be inspired by others doing well. We can often start to see fault because it makes us feel better than to admire someone. 

We all have flours that can effect our confidence so taking steps to make yourself better, like going for a job you really want and not because they've offered a job to you, as it is "Better than nothing", and follow your dreams. 

Being happy takes a lot for some people and I know that, because I have been there, but do you want those things to linger or deal with head on? I know what I would choose. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X