Saturday, 21 November 2020

When friends go against you

I have learned this year that those who pretend to be your friends are the ones that don't stand by you when you are down, but feed of you when they are. They like listening to themselves only and go on and on about how they do this, do that and everything else, but not an inch interested in you.

Their smile is fake, and love having drama in their life and blag it about. Okay so I talk about how I have battled with Mental Health, but there is stuff I never want to share, because I would rather keep some stuff to myself. 

I wrote my blogs to help and support others and not afraid to talk about having a bad day, but this year there is stuff that happened to me that I am not going to talk about in my blogs, because one I know there will be people holding it against me and won't believe me and think I am bad mouthing people, which I don't want to do, but talk about issues that others can identify with, but if a friend told me a private story I would keep it that way, and because I am not ready to discuss somethings and believe that everyone has the right to keep somethings between just themselves. 

I have discovered a whole new family, but I am not going to talk about their lives out of respect, but I do know that there are those that make out your their friend only to stab you in the back once you turn away from them. 

I did learn a lot about this year, and there are those that want to see someone commit suicide and don't like to see you do well for yourself, even though when it is them, they can't wait for you to listen.

Friendship for me is a two way street and if they are happy listening to you, then you should be interested in them. If they send you a birthday card, send one back to them. 

I see myself as a friend for life, but I am also now seeing it as some people to be happy, you have to turn your back on people that aren't truly supportive, and aren't really interested in you and have no real respect for you. 

I am not going to name names because I want to keep that to myself but they do know who they are.

So if you feel that someone is pretending to be your friend, but makes sneaky comment or talks about you horribly behind your back then they aren't worthy of friendship and only have their own interests at heart. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Thursday, 12 November 2020

When lacking of self-confidence can get the better of you

There are some days where I feel good and that I don't look too bad, but other times where as soon as I see myself in the mirror I am like "Bloody hell I look awful, that is not how I imagine me looking" and I really give myself a hard time.

Then I catch myself as I write about being positive and create good habits on my related site to this one (see link below) that do help me feel alright with myself and say "What is the matter with me, why am I shouting at me now when I felt alright two minutes ago?".

When lacking of self confidence gets the better of you, you just want to say to the critic in your head telling you, you aren't beautiful and you aren't worth looking at and you aren't the same person in the mirror that you imagine yourself in your head, and goes on and on, and I want to say "SHUT THE FUCK UP".

I know if a person in the street kept saying this to me I would want to do the quickest sprint ever away from him or her, or punch them in the nose. 

There are times where I think if I am not worried about the way I look, I worry in case I don't and the same cycle above begins again. 

I have now met the man of my dreams and I love him to the moon and back and we have been seeing each other for a while now, and he loves everything about me, which has given me such a lift that I can't put into words how much I love him too, and I just want to talk to him and kiss all day long. 

I wish I could see what he see's but lacking self confidence and telling myself I am not worthy of being a beautiful person and I will never be the super looking woman I want to me, has become a habit, and I do, do a lot of self development to help me over come these thoughts, but they still have a sneaky way of creeping back in, and I wish that I had a hammer to smash that lack of self confidence voice up and make it go away.

These Self Development Habits are for example:

  • Writing in my journal 
  • Going for a walk 
  • Having a healthy meal 
  • Buy clothes that suits the colour of my skin and fits my shape
  • Wear some make up for a change 

Dealing with your Self-confidence is something you do need to face head on to stop it from being there and another way I do this, which can also be included in this, is what I have often neglected doing, some self care. This can be from reading a Romantic Novel or a chick flick, watching a movies and painting your nails, washing your hair or using a lovely scented shower gel and then rubbing oil into your skin. It can be anything that makes you feel, "Okay I am not that bad, and I do feel good about myself now". Self care is essentially is giving you back your wellbeing to feel confident about yourself again and doing something for you, rather than worrying about other people all the time.

I love my son, but I did find when I was married to my first husband and becoming a mum, that I often lost my identity and who I was. This has come back and shown me that I can still be a mum, a wife again hopefully some day, that I can still have my identity its just got to be with the right people. 

The positive side of being a mum is you start to see things from their eyes, and they aren't going to say "Oh mum why haven't you washed your hair?" they don't care, and when you are happy they will feel happy too, and I don't want my lack of self-loath to effect him, and for him to feel the same. I want my children to all be happy with themselves. 

So if you have these moments of lack of self confidence getting the better of you, and you have ways in which have helped you overcome it, then I would love to hear from you. You can leave a comment below. 

Have a wonderful Friday and weekend, and I will be back with two more blogs next week.

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Tuesday, 10 November 2020

Building onfidence through fashion

Hello and welcome to another self confidence blog. 

Can you build confidence through fashion?

Yes, yes, yes, and yes I do believe in retail therapy as long as it doesn't break the bank balance and you still budget, then yes it can be the best form of building you self confidence. I buy most of my clothes from Amazon, Newlook, Dorothy Perkins and Very. I also like shopping in Charity shop, but be aware not all of the money you spend in some of these shops, actually go to the charity.

Since the days where Amazon just mainly sold electrical equipment and books, have expanded into fashion that I will do a Haul at some point, as I had quite a lot of credit on there and many of the clothes are good quality. I avoid sites like EBay, because some of the clothes on there look great in the picture, but not so great when they are delivered and you try them on. 

Fashion can help confidence when you take time to see what colours match your skin tone and your body shape. Yes comfort also is part of it, but I like to put a piece of clothing on and say "Yeah I don't feel so bad today". My confidence took a blow this year and as said in other posts, building self confidence is a working progress when you haven't felt good about yourself a lot through your life. 

I hate it when I look frumpy and out of shape. Create a vision of how you would like to look and write a list of clothes you would like to add to your wardrobe. I often go through my clothes to see what I still love to wear and don't. There are key pieces I like to have, one being a Denim jacket, a black pair of bootcut trousers and in the winter ankle boots, knee high boots, winter walking shoes if you are like me like to go for long walks to keep fit and active and good fitted winter jumpers and cardigans. 

Create a look book for yourself of different looks you would like to do, by putting together clothes and accessories you have already got and then via Pinterest or google docs for example, create other looks to go with items you wish to keep in your wardrobe.

What about make up?

I never wear this all the time and my love of my life, Lee loves me without it, but will put on at the weekends or if I am off out somewhere. Wearing too much make up everyday, can age you, and I am a believer you should allow your skin to breath. 

I never spend much on make up at all. I only bought four things this year, as I allow my make up to last. Never store make up for too long though because of bacteria, that can harm the skin.

To build your confidence it is all about how it makes you feel within, aswell as the outside of you, and when I follow my skincare routine, put on a new piece of clothing it lifts me up and look forward to the day ahead, instead of wanting the day to be over as soon as it has begun.

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Saturday, 29 August 2020

When you feel you aren't good enough

                    230 Self-Esteem Quotes That Will Boost Your Confidence

This was not the blog I was going to write, but I feel I need to, because having struggles with confidence, it has, and I have talked about this in my other blogs, it has continued with me and I am forever doubting myself, questioning everything I do, because of others questioning me, and feeling like, even though there are people who care, they just don't quite get it, or me. 

I am not looking for sympathy or even a magic wand, I just sometimes need a ear to listen, not give judgement or a solution, but someone to just listen to me. 

Talking today with my friends about school, and how I felt thick on some days especially when it came to subjects like Maths and wanting to be invisible, because I dreaded it when we would have to do a Maths test, it just was my worst nightmare because I couldn't do it. 

When you feel like that you do feel somewhat alone and as if I don't really belong there. 

My grades at school were I would say average compared to other girls in my class, as I went to all Girls School for my Secondary school and completely mucked up my R.E (Religious studies) exam as I had answered the wrong set of questions, but I found this courage in me when this happened, and told myself "I'll be okay and not the end of the world" and from sharing my experience with lack of confidence, sometimes you find it through courage and acceptance. I accepted that I would never be an A Star pupil, but my grades when I left school, weren't that bad either, and so if you are teenager in secondary school or at university, if you don't get the grades you wish for, don't let it bring you down, but see it as something to work towards so you can be an A star, just learn at your own pace, rather than under pressure.

When it took my GCSE I was the only one in my year to get "U" in Maths, which is basically a no-pass, but I ended up in my second job I did, work in accounts and had to learn basic maths to do the job. So never allow exam results dictate your life, but things you need to work on or perhaps find a subject you do like and thrive in that instead. 

Life is about choices and I kinda see my Maths result I got in my GCSE's as a award, because I was the one and I feel like "Yeah okay I'm honoured" no one else could have beaten that. I know some may say "Why" if it is a bad result, but the one thing that has helped me through my life is having humour and it still drives me forward today. 

Having a good sense of humour can help wonders with your confidence, because if you reflect on comedy, most comedies are based on sad stories, like Phoebe in friends, she had a sad childhood, but yet her character is very funny. 

So why can't you have humour about your life? Does it need to be all seriousness?

Of course not and so if you lack confidence you can find ways to get through it, to help you be more confident, it just needs to be what makes you happy, as long as it is not hurting anyone, and makes you life feel more fulfilled.

I hope you found this blog to be helpful and I will post again as of next week. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X  

Friday, 21 August 2020

Having no creativity "I just want to be a lazy bitch"

Best Sleep Clipart #10895 -

This was not the original blog I was going to write, but I feel that I needed to because I know I am not alone in having a day where I am having no creativity in me and I just want to be a lazy bitch. 

Not giving too much information but it is the "Time of the month" as some people call it and feel I have no energy to think or to do, and just want to lay in bed and stay there for the whole entire day. 

I suppose you may think what has this got to do with confidence?

Well it is days like these where I lack confidence because I feel tired, unmotivated and just want to hibernate for the day, until I ready to face the world again. 

When I have these sorts of days like this I don't tend to do too much and listen to my body and what it wants to do. I was so tired earlier that I felt fuzzy headed and not right, so I took a nap. 

I do feel somewhat better now, but feel as soon as my son's dad picks Henry up I will go to bed and stay there until tomorrow. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X

Friday, 14 August 2020

Feeling Worthless and that noone is on my side

Unhappy woman in depressive mood sitting at home | Free Photo

I felt this yesterday evening when I was getting my son to go to bed, whilst I had a quick shower, because instead of my side being taken and supporting me, I was told me off as if I was doing something wrong. 

All I wanted was to have a shower, and my son needs to know that he can have mum time, but mum needs her time too. I had been looking after my son for most of the day and just wanted to freshen up. 

Feeling worthless and that noone is on your side is very diminishing and soul destroying, and you feel like no matter what you do it's never going to be good enough and worthy enough.

Sometimes you do have to be careful as to how you treat those close to you, because they can appear to be strong, but are dying inside and that is how I felt last night, I just felt completely alone and not worth supporting.

I did argue back and said how I felt, but I was told to shush and it is so hard when you want to yell out and noone wants to hear you.

It isn't right that you have one rule and everyone else has a different one, because we all get tired and children can be demanding and they need to know their boundaries. 

As a parent I do feel like I am constantly getting it wrong, and I need some support and I feel like I am not getting that and whenever my son does something wrong I am always to blame. 

I am always the one in the wrong and that just makes me feel like I just want to disappear.

I don't feel good about myself a lot anyway so when someone makes you feel you are to be blamed all the time, it can feel like, why am I here then?

Being a parent it can feel like everyone is better at it than you, and what you say doesn't mean a thing. 

Sometimes the world can feel like it is constantly against you and that you have no rights, but everyone has rights and should be able to say "I am no happy and this is why" without being told to shush and not wanting to listen. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Friday, 7 August 2020

Summer insecurities

Library of girl in bikini clip art royalty free library png files ...

I kind of feel I hit home with feelings of self conscious during the summer in my last post wrote two weeks ago about How I would love to have a beach body, because I say to myself every year when summer comes that, next summer I am going to be flat stomached, more toned and suntanned. 

It gets to summer and wish I could look like the girl I was when I was in my teens and twenties again, but even back then I thought, at the time, I looked plump compared to other girls my age, and friends of mine.

Yet seeing photos of those times I was not plump at all, and it is all to do with my mind and how I have often see myself. I think we can be so cruel to ourselves in ways, that if it was someone saying these things to us, of what we felt we wouldn't stand for it. 

Summer insecurities are very common and many hide away from it because they are not happy with themselves, and we I think as we get older, well in my case anyway, the feelings of being insecure can become a lot stronger rather than decrease, as we continue to grow as adults. 

However now, there are some real good swimming costumes for larger size women or I should say curvey now, than before which actually hides your unhappy areas away, like your stomach and waist, and great if you are big boobed like me. 

When I first developed breasts I hated them, and I would do all I could to hide them, and I hated going bra shopping and I did find it very embarrassing when looking for bras with my mum, as she wouldn't be quiet about it, and I felt I remember somewhat exposed.

I rarely ever and even now I don't wear a bikini, as I don't feel comfortable or feel I have the body to wear one. 

I remembering feeling when my boobs started growing, like "I am not ready for these please take them away", and I remember at Primary school, yes that is when they started to develop around when I was 9 or 10 years old, and this girl saying as I was getting changed for PE, "It's about time you were a bra isn't it" and I remember thinking "No I don't" as if in denial that I had some horrible things growing out of my chest. 

I remember my first holiday to Menorca and wearing my first bra and I did feel very self conscious as if everyone could see it, yet I would go on holiday with women who were my mum and dad's friends and would go topless, so you'd think I would be in some way used to it, but I wasn't. 

I have often dreamed about being a beach babe in a bikini, and do feel low when I see images of very slim women strutting their stuff on Instagram, but then remind myself that it is just an image and we all have insecurities about ourselves and that is more to do with being healthy rather than, how you look. 

So if you feel insecure this summer then please try not to, try not to compare yourself and just remember and write them down all the things you do like about yourself, as this can work wonders, and stick them on a wall, take a photo or save onto your phone, so you can remind yourself of these whenever you feel unhappy about yourself. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X