Competitive People who act as the boss when they've only just started

So I met someone who thought their knowledge of things was better than me only starting the job ten minutes, where I had been for a long time and thought that they knew better than me and suddenly it is competition. 

Yes I get it "You know a lot" but perhaps I allowed it because as I have a habit of saying what is wrong with me, not that I have expertise and which makes them think "Well she doesn't know much" when actually yes I do. This is where self doubt can be number one enemy. 

I do know what I am doing but have learned that I have allowed my vulnerability to expose what is not true by saying "Thank you" with a personal put down. It is okay to show that your good. I can dance, I can present a radio show playing good music, but I feel that its wrong because of the fear of being seen as a show off, but we are all good at something, its just that some people feel they know it better and just let them believe that.

I found I got sucked in and would become competitive and ask myself "What are you doing?". Does it matter? Who cares? They are the one insecure and when this happened and they mucked up I then let them be. Focus on you not them. They want the attention so let them have that. 

They will tire and when they do go wrong be graceful about it, the best you can. 

They often won't admit they did wrong. They may have supporters. Let them wear a crown if they wish but know they rely on others where by you can be your own cheer leader and not rely on being liked and also they cause arguments. One girl spent most of her time worrying about what others were doing rather than focusing on her doing her job and would think they were also in charge but needed to be glued to their chair.

They liked to be worshipped and have their feet kissed when they probably got mould growing that they won't show and feel they have some different rules compared to others.

Get your head down. I learned a long time how to switch off and even thought it could be a bad thing I feel it has been an asset because if have not played into their hands and just focused on my own job and they then tried to befriend me. 

They will patronise but would smile then put my head back down as when they aren't given attention suddenly they fear you because they can't use you to make themselves feel good. My focus was on the job and then leaving to be ready for the next day.

So I hope this blog helps and honestly don't allow others who think they're better than you get you down I linked a video I watched today and it is do true. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZRWnbYp4eU

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

You don't have to be liked by all

Are you a people pleaser? I have been. Is it landed in your face? Sometimes and so I focus on those that I know have full respect. I no longer going to waste my time trying to be everyone's friend, but be with those I can chat with and not feel uncomfortable with. I hate tension.

Yesterday I let this lady by as my and son I went for a walk in London, near to where I grew up and she didn't say thank you or anything, so I made it known I wasn't happy. Did she care? No. So why did I need to hear her gratitude in order to have a good day? 

She'll always be that person, so I am no longer going to move out of the way but still give respect who I feel are worthy and not allow cretins out there spoil my joy and I am unlikely to see this woman again so going to hold my tongue and I do feel that people are more grumpy now. I watched a Youtube video of someone talking about it and so I feel people are miserable. 

Is it because people are losing their social skills? Not fit into there rein? 

I watched a podcast check out my Substack and cleans peoples homes for free and has been given insults for doing so by people who think they know, but don't know. https://substack.com/@carriechalloner

When travelling on the train people used to chat and to strangers, but everyone is on their phones, laptops and reading. London used to be a chatty city but is becoming unrecognisable and the community that once there I feel is going and I wish I had not taken those days for granted because people would chat and now its all online. I like keeping in touch, don't get me wrong but I feel you can lose touch and that people can use it to be unkind and hide behind a computer and just make up stories about others and I feel it is a sickness. I have come to learn that you going to lose touch and I am okay now and don't need other peoples approvable but be with people who truly care and give the same respect to others how they wish to be respected themselves and why waste your time on those who are rude and not show gratitude? 

I am living now more and it feels good and I like going to my mums for a coffee and days like Mondays where I stop in and have a bath and just chill and tomorrow will go out and don't allow others influence on you not go out. You are important and you are worth a coffee even when people think you shouldn't and be with people who truly care.

I love going to my sons rugby and chat. Yesterday we took a break but I do like it and it is good so if someone doesn't like you, disrespectful, don't waste your time.

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Feeling Accepted

I think we need to accept ourselves first. I feel we see people doing bad things for example and it triggers how we feel and not see the good. 

There have been people who I have met who never socialised and would spend endless days not going out and playing computer games. I think it is fine and people life is different and its how they cope and I accepted that reading an article of Clare Balding and she finds it hard to be on her own so goes and visits her neighbour. 

I have accepted that I am not going to be the perfect Housewife and I am messy, but I do tidy and that I can't do it all, so focus on what I can. I no longer worry if a piece of clothing no longer fits me anymore and accept that my body is changing.

I am at the moment doing a diet programme through the NHS and I am watching what I eat and still have the things I want still but within reason and be realistic about it. 

Our minds change and people will come and go from your life and I accepted that. 

People move, people stay. People like going out to eat. I love both to eat out and have a meal at home. 

I am never going to be someone who wears make up all the time as I like not having it on all the time, but when I go out to a party, to a concert and socialise and it makes a nice change to have days where I wear it but not everyday. I do look after my skin and this is the reason and love skincare and putting on myself.

My mum wears make up everyday and always has done. My nan never wore make up and my Nanny Rose would be bare faced but have red lippy and could spend the whole day knitting or cooking.  

I like getting up early, where there are people who are night owls and rather stay up and that is fine. For me I like to go to bed early and get up around 5am. I love sleep now and have welcome insomnia because it has made make sure I sleep well. I do take medication which helps but also  I will wind down, read with a cup of tea and accepted I am always going to be an early bird. 

So before accepting others accept yourself. Be kind to yourself and give your self credit because you are human and embrace who you are and then focus on other people. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Feeling under valued

Have you ever felt as if your world has tumbled? Well I worked in a call centre and I had been there for a long time and would train new agents and one day one of the actual Trainer asked for my advice only for a manager tell him to not ask me as if I didn't know anything. 

She would ask me for help, so I was like okay and kept my distance. 

I have seen people moral go within a instant because this particular person could be very two faced. She was a manager and before she said the above felt we had a good work relationship. 

I couldn't get it out of my head and in the end I was made redundant like many but I thought really like saying "Stuff you", but I decided not to and forgot about it.

Should I have said something? I just hate confrontation and so just let it go. 

This was not just one experience and one time someone made me feel undervalued I decided to say something. Was it the right thing? At the time it was and felt no I am going to speak up for myself and so can you. It not right to be treated badly. Be seen incapable when you've worked your butt off. 

It is not how you treat people and one manage was good because he'd always pulled then aside to speak to them, not shout and was still respectful. People make mistakes and rather then help, feel it okay to go mental because of it.

If somebody is doing something wrong then show and teach. Let them ask questions and listen to what someone has to say. I often find myself talking over the other person so now I no sit back and listen and catch myself when I am about speak and teaching children about handling situations it has to begin from our own actions and make people feel valued and I hate seeing people being mistreated. 

There is no need to scream and shout. Keep your voice firm but not get in their face, throw things around and just calmly chat. I knew someone I'd go for a drink with and had a discussion and then use it against you at work. 

Leave the outside discussions to one side. Remember people are human and that we all deserve to be treated respectfully and dignity.

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X  

Stop Seeing Yourself As The Problem

If someone blanks you, gives you a dirty look or says something unkind you are not the problem.

I was chatting with my mum today and the one thing I have realised is that I am not their problem, they are. You can't be bestfriends with everyone. I have had conflict in many places and people but I have made it up but not everyone is going to. It may come across harsh but it is true. Also they may have insecurities and often its envy, but we put it upon ourselves and actually I am glad I am not friends with everyone because not everyone is nice. They have turned their nose up and actual fact I don't want to be with a person who is like that. 

Have they killed you? No and everyone has issues in their life and some people may look at you differently. I was told I was reserved. Not intended but I often like to switch off and I don't want people getting too close.

There are people who do talk to me and that is what I will focus on. So if someone blanks you or gives you a dirty look, then like Mel Robbins says "Let them". You are not the problem. Often it is that they can feel threatened by you. I am not one that feels I need to have a full face of make up all the time and I feel okay going out without make up. I don't always brush my hair, I am okay wearing the same clothes for four or five days. 

Do you see them all the time? 

If it is physical hatred then that is different, but I am not interested in this person and that can often be why their pissed off, because you are secretly confident in ways they'll never be. I do like to socialise but I also am someone who enjoys their own company. I can have a coffee by myself where others won't and that is up to them and if they don't want my company then so be it.  

I watched a podcast of Fearn Cotton, Happy Place and she was talking to Grace Campbell who is Alistair Campbell daughter and she would tell people she's a bit crazy because of others making her feel like that but you can't help what people see you as and let them be. 

We always punishing ourselves and it gets to the point where you want to shut the world away, but why should you? Everyone who is alive is allowed to live, not causing physical pain, but allowed to be who they want within reason and I love being around confident people and to those who turn their nose up continue least I know I don't have to engage and something they have to deal with. 

So if someone gives you a dirty look, blanks you or is rude about you so what. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Things That People Say and do online

I have always found that being seen as sexual quite uncomfortable. There was a time when I felt it was good to be sexy and admired people who showed off their bodies but for me I like to leave some things to the imagination and one of my friends said to me "Men like a woman they can introduce to their mothers". 

I remember it being a "Yes" moment. I see that. I don't want to be out there. I have been given unwanted attraction online when I was innocently posting on Instagram clothes on, taking part in a charity cause. There were guys it seems making fake accounts and women may I add, saying very inappropriate sexual things and asking me for my email and wanting to to message me. It wasn't one it it was about 20 or so within about hour or so one night on holiday. I don't want to be seen as sexy. Its not me. I want to be seen as a woman who is doing good deed and it made me feel very uncomfortable. 

There are women and men who are comfortable with it getting sexual attention but I am not. It's not that I don't like compliments its just the way it is said and its from random people who have no idea who I am and I just felt so conscious of myself and what I share. I can see how easy it is when young people are groomed. There are some disturbing people out there and I feel with social media you can be an easy target. 

It is good to be proud of your body but I want to have some privacy and be known as a good and kind person not as a sex symbol and it has made me realise how I feel about people looking at me. It opened my eyes to how people can misinterpret something and what you wear to the world have implications to unwanted attention. 

Should we care about what we are wearing? I feel it is up to you and if you feel comfortable then fine but for me I am not comfortable with that and I suppose I am drawing too much attention to it but it has really effected me and has altered my mind in what I share as this happened when sharing selfies and thought it was be a great thing to show me doing squats for charity in clothes may I add but the online world is becoming a mean world and I do feel social media is still not acting on these issues of the online world. These people are using it to scam, be unkind. It has really a vulnerable place and can affect your confidence.

Let me know how you feel about posting online and what you feel about sharing online. You can leave a comment below. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

No Such Thing As a Nobody

When I'd get attention or be praised I would think "I'm a nobody" and watching the News programme on ITV one of the presenters says that Arthur Fery, a Tennis Player, was a nobody. He fought his way to winning to get the next round, which was the Quarter Finals. Okay he is not a well known name compared to other players and it was one of the best Tennis matches I have seen in years, but he is somebody and I bet he is known by those who really follow the sport. 

Everybody is somebody. They are someone's son, daughter, father, mother, brother, sister and so I was like you may not have heard of him, and it was how it was said. He is young so he's the beginning of his career but he has to be good to get to play at Wimbledon and no I hadn't seen him before but Rod Stewart wasn't known world wide at first but in a 60's song he is mentioned. It is a tough competition but they are all somebody. 

Watching Carole King she was writing for other artists before she became a singer too and often writers are forgotten about, but they're still somebody. She still created music that has lasted a lifetime and in watching her concerts on Youtube had written songs I have loved for years that I had no idea she had written.

I believe we are all unique. We all have personalities which may be different to yours and not everyone will like what you like but I like people who are different. Working at Butlins there were such a mixture of people and of course I didn't get on with all of them but there were those that I got on with instantly and liked. They were different. It made me see that we all somebody whether you may know their name or not. 

One guy who was a big lad and chatty, good a darts but then he was in the pub got up a sang and was amazing yet you would have never noticed and my friend and room mate was a good singer and she was good at cooking and was very sociable and very few people have helped me grow out of my shell and I felt like I was somebody. 

At school I made friends who were into Rock Music. How I got into that type of music and glad they were different to other girls and not trendy and just did their own thing. 

We are playing a part in this world and so if I hear someone say "I am noone" then I will think "No because you wouldn't be here" and everyone is someone. Yes there are bad people, but hearing Jo Good, Middle Age Minx, she was on the train that collided recently, that the NHS were brilliant as many people were very badly hurt and many paramedics, doctors and nurses had to give up what they were doing and went into the treat passengers that was hurt. Are they somebody? Of course and so never say your a Nobody because you are. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X