Feeling under valued

Have you ever felt as if your world has tumbled? Well I worked in a call centre and I had been there for a long time and would train new agents and one day one of the actual Trainer asked for my advice only for a manager tell him to not ask me as if I didn't know anything. 

She would ask me for help, so I was like okay and kept my distance. 

I have seen people moral go within a instant because this particular person could be very two faced. She was a manager and before she said the above felt we had a good work relationship. 

I couldn't get it out of my head and in the end I was made redundant like many but I thought really like saying "Stuff you", but I decided not to and forgot about it.

Should I have said something? I just hate confrontation and so just let it go. 

This was not just one experience and one time someone made me feel undervalued I decided to say something. Was it the right thing? At the time it was and felt no I am going to speak up for myself and so can you. It not right to be treated badly. Be seen incapable when you've worked your butt off. 

It is not how you treat people and one manage was good because he'd always pulled then aside to speak to them, not shout and was still respectful. People make mistakes and rather then help, feel it okay to go mental because of it.

If somebody is doing something wrong then show and teach. Let them ask questions and listen to what someone has to say. I often find myself talking over the other person so now I no sit back and listen and catch myself when I am about speak and teaching children about handling situations it has to begin from our own actions and make people feel valued and I hate seeing people being mistreated. 

There is no need to scream and shout. Keep your voice firm but not get in their face, throw things around and just calmly chat. I knew someone I'd go for a drink with and had a discussion and then use it against you at work. 

Leave the outside discussions to one side. Remember people are human and that we all deserve to be treated respectfully and dignity.

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X  

Stop Seeing Yourself As The Problem

If someone blanks you, gives you a dirty look or says something unkind you are not the problem.

I was chatting with my mum today and the one thing I have realised is that I am not their problem, they are. You can't be bestfriends with everyone. I have had conflict in many places and people but I have made it up but not everyone is going to. It may come across harsh but it is true. Also they may have insecurities and often its envy, but we put it upon ourselves and actually I am glad I am not friends with everyone because not everyone is nice. They have turned their nose up and actual fact I don't want to be with a person who is like that. 

Have they killed you? No and everyone has issues in their life and some people may look at you differently. I was told I was reserved. Not intended but I often like to switch off and I don't want people getting too close.

There are people who do talk to me and that is what I will focus on. So if someone blanks you or gives you a dirty look, then like Mel Robbins says "Let them". You are not the problem. Often it is that they can feel threatened by you. I am not one that feels I need to have a full face of make up all the time and I feel okay going out without make up. I don't always brush my hair, I am okay wearing the same clothes for four or five days. 

Do you see them all the time? 

If it is physical hatred then that is different, but I am not interested in this person and that can often be why their pissed off, because you are secretly confident in ways they'll never be. I do like to socialise but I also am someone who enjoys their own company. I can have a coffee by myself where others won't and that is up to them and if they don't want my company then so be it.  

I watched a podcast of Fearn Cotton, Happy Place and she was talking to Grace Campbell who is Alistair Campbell daughter and she would tell people she's a bit crazy because of others making her feel like that but you can't help what people see you as and let them be. 

We always punishing ourselves and it gets to the point where you want to shut the world away, but why should you? Everyone who is alive is allowed to live, not causing physical pain, but allowed to be who they want within reason and I love being around confident people and to those who turn their nose up continue least I know I don't have to engage and something they have to deal with. 

So if someone gives you a dirty look, blanks you or is rude about you so what. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Things That People Say and do online

I have always found that being seen as sexual quite uncomfortable. There was a time when I felt it was good to be sexy and admired people who showed off their bodies but for me I like to leave some things to the imagination and one of my friends said to me "Men like a woman they can introduce to their mothers". 

I remember it being a "Yes" moment. I see that. I don't want to be out there. I have been given unwanted attraction online when I was innocently posting on Instagram clothes on, taking part in a charity cause. There were guys it seems making fake accounts and women may I add, saying very inappropriate sexual things and asking me for my email and wanting to to message me. It wasn't one it it was about 20 or so within about hour or so one night on holiday. I don't want to be seen as sexy. Its not me. I want to be seen as a woman who is doing good deed and it made me feel very uncomfortable. 

There are women and men who are comfortable with it getting sexual attention but I am not. It's not that I don't like compliments its just the way it is said and its from random people who have no idea who I am and I just felt so conscious of myself and what I share. I can see how easy it is when young people are groomed. There are some disturbing people out there and I feel with social media you can be an easy target. 

It is good to be proud of your body but I want to have some privacy and be known as a good and kind person not as a sex symbol and it has made me realise how I feel about people looking at me. It opened my eyes to how people can misinterpret something and what you wear to the world have implications to unwanted attention. 

Should we care about what we are wearing? I feel it is up to you and if you feel comfortable then fine but for me I am not comfortable with that and I suppose I am drawing too much attention to it but it has really effected me and has altered my mind in what I share as this happened when sharing selfies and thought it was be a great thing to show me doing squats for charity in clothes may I add but the online world is becoming a mean world and I do feel social media is still not acting on these issues of the online world. These people are using it to scam, be unkind. It has really a vulnerable place and can affect your confidence.

Let me know how you feel about posting online and what you feel about sharing online. You can leave a comment below. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

No Such Thing As a Nobody

When I'd get attention or be praised I would think "I'm a nobody" and watching the News programme on ITV one of the presenters says that Arthur Fery, a Tennis Player, was a nobody. He fought his way to winning to get the next round, which was the Quarter Finals. Okay he is not a well known name compared to other players and it was one of the best Tennis matches I have seen in years, but he is somebody and I bet he is known by those who really follow the sport. 

Everybody is somebody. They are someone's son, daughter, father, mother, brother, sister and so I was like you may not have heard of him, and it was how it was said. He is young so he's the beginning of his career but he has to be good to get to play at Wimbledon and no I hadn't seen him before but Rod Stewart wasn't known world wide at first but in a 60's song he is mentioned. It is a tough competition but they are all somebody. 

Watching Carole King she was writing for other artists before she became a singer too and often writers are forgotten about, but they're still somebody. She still created music that has lasted a lifetime and in watching her concerts on Youtube had written songs I have loved for years that I had no idea she had written.

I believe we are all unique. We all have personalities which may be different to yours and not everyone will like what you like but I like people who are different. Working at Butlins there were such a mixture of people and of course I didn't get on with all of them but there were those that I got on with instantly and liked. They were different. It made me see that we all somebody whether you may know their name or not. 

One guy who was a big lad and chatty, good a darts but then he was in the pub got up a sang and was amazing yet you would have never noticed and my friend and room mate was a good singer and she was good at cooking and was very sociable and very few people have helped me grow out of my shell and I felt like I was somebody. 

At school I made friends who were into Rock Music. How I got into that type of music and glad they were different to other girls and not trendy and just did their own thing. 

We are playing a part in this world and so if I hear someone say "I am noone" then I will think "No because you wouldn't be here" and everyone is someone. Yes there are bad people, but hearing Jo Good, Middle Age Minx, she was on the train that collided recently, that the NHS were brilliant as many people were very badly hurt and many paramedics, doctors and nurses had to give up what they were doing and went into the treat passengers that was hurt. Are they somebody? Of course and so never say your a Nobody because you are. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Building A Relationship with your body image

Self image can really play with our minds. I see stars from reality shows have face lifts and extreme work done and it scares me because of the future generation. 

There was a time where I was thinking of changing my breasts and getting them lifted but that is what bras are for and I worry. I remember sex and the city where Samantha goes to get her boobs changed and she finds our that she has breast cancer. That may never be the case but it does worry me and also I like them. 

They may be saggy but they're alright and I am petite but again I wouldn't be me and I feel that we were given our bodies for a reason. I am not saying it is not right to get a nip n tuck, it just feels me with fear especially when it goes wrong and people not being medically trained to do a procedure to change someone's look. I'd like to have a facial and get my hair done but that all I want and will do. I personally would stay well clear and I've had an operation. I have a hole in my heart and feel that I have to take good care of my shell and bones. 

I see Katie Price and her daughter Princess looks just like her when she didn't have her lips and face done. It makes me feel like I want to say "Your perfect and no more" but people do have to decide for themselves and would she listen to me? Probably not and it can be proved that it can become addictive. 

I like to look after my Skin and so will by creams. I like to moisturise as I can get dry skin and been prescribed foot cream as I tried different ones but not made a difference and I do have nice feet so want to look after them and listen to your body.

There was a time I'd purposely not look in the mirror. I hated fitting rooms and it would really get me down. I hated being me and why I developed an eater disorder. There is so many people with big lips and I hate to say but they can look like a duck or a Goldfish a lot of the time and you don't need face lifts to look good. 

I think it is good to want to tone as I am working towards that, but I don't want to be too toned but look after my physique and changing my style as I'd like to be more feminine and I look at Pinterest a lot for looks but on what suits me and I feel good in wearing.

Nutrition I am getting conscious of and did at one time eat a lot of chocolate but not so much and I feel good for that. I like a fizzy drink and do consume alcohol but at a balanced level and what my body can have and not binge drinking anymore, but enjoy the taste. I used to be the one who'd be paralytic. I like a coffee or tea instead and when I do have an alcoholic drink it will be at the weekends. 

I have build a tolerance against my inner critic and even writing a book about it. 

Please check out my X Account where I post all my blogs and my Pinterest:

https://x.com/typical86285

https://uk.pinterest.com/carriechallonerholmes

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

 

Embrace Your Life and Yourself

There was a time I hated my style. Looking in my wardrobe I felt I had nothing to wear and found it hard to get out of bed. I wouldn't bath because we'd have to wait for the water to heat up and didn't have a shower back then.

One of the places I like to walk a local park in Epsom and looking at the flowers

I was looking at myself whilst out recently and I really loved my style. 

There are times I do still question what I look like and compare. 

Since working on my mindset I will instantly snap myself out of it. I make an effort and do my skincare, I will brush my hair and make sure I brush my teeth. It is that simple. 

I like putting outfits together and buying less. I like good practical but nice looking footwear. I do wear make up and have a quick routine but have no make up days but still moisturise and love facial sprays.

For me they are like a wake up tonic for my face.

I am making changes with my shopping habit, by no o longer investing in cheap clothes from amazon. I have found that they often are made quite badly and buy from the Highstreet again or charity shops. I focus on longevity and condition. 

I do stay active and walk everyday and do weights. In the summer I like to go swimming and playing sports with my son and it mentally stimulates my mind and body and worked on a good bedtime routine and that has made a huge difference on how I feel about myself and not feeling good about myself was draining. 

So in a journal write about your feelings. I have never enjoyed journaling so much than a do now and has really been helpful and what I want my ambitions are. I am having so much fun these days and I make sure when I rest I rest and have some social interaction, enjoy my home and organising the house.

I like to walk around where there is nature and go for a coffee and just having that time not rushing, being outdoors and love a pond, lake or river. 

I love that I have legs that can walk, I can see and hear what is around me and just thankful of what I have and not what I don't and what I like about myself and my life. 

It isn't about doing 5 mile walks but just for 10 to 30 minutes a day. 

It has made such a difference. 

So embrace yourself and your life and something not working then journal and go through why. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Be Proud of Yourself

Choose the word that describes you and compliments you. Tell yourself "I am friendly and people feel comfortable around me". This does not mean your big head, which was something I believed for a while and now I can honestly say I like who I am. 

I do make sure I look after my body by making sure I keep myself clean, I look after my teeth and hair. I love casual clothes now and glad I no longer have to wear a suits and can be in jeans and a cozy jumper. I like my tastes. Yes it may not suit all, but not everyone is going to wear it. 

There are times when I still find myself criticizing myself and catch myself and comparing myself.  

I am trying to wear leggins less and wear trousers. I want to wear more dresses but it depends on the weather and my son loves playing sports and so I have had to adapt my style but it is not all about clothing. 

Being overly shy I feel in observing and having experience in life, we can all be shy. One of my mums friends is super chatty and chats to people like she knows you, but when it came to it she wouldn't get up and sing on Karoake and so I feel we can all be a little shy and it depends on who is around you. 

When I followed a rugby team the social aspect was brilliant and I fell in love with it and within I say 5 minutes felt like I was part of a family and really let my hair down. I would make an effort and was very much into heals, but I loved that girl who enjoyed herself to the point I didn't want to go to work the next day and couldn't wait until we went to the next game. 

I was a very much into being feminine, but now I like the boyish look and I find it brightens me and when I am happy. I was told that I would influence the mood in the room and when I would go out with friends, in my clubbing days when I enjoyed myself everyone got a buzz from me and had a dance partner when I would go out. No romance at all we just loved to dance. I am generous and will wish people a Happy Birthday and compliment others. 

Yes I am blowing my own trumpet but why can't I? 

It is has taken years to feel confident about myself and so be proud of yourself, you have the right and it is better a place when you do and makes you get up and enjoy who you are, rather than disliking yourself. 

I have torn myself apart, when looking at myself and with being a mum I know I had to change my mindset and get help with my depression caused by body image and not liking myself.

So be proud of yourself and don't allow anyone to bring your own including that inner critic. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

I like being natural - Building Self Confidence

It is good to have no make up days and that my nails are my own and that I allow my skin to breath, along with wearing clothes that are comfortable and I don't put tones of make up on. I know if I did my skin would suffer. If your going out then it is nice but just a day indoors or a chilled out day, then I don't bother. This is not against those that do wear make up daily. that is up to you, for me it would be too much for my skin. 

Me 

As a young girl I never wore make up. I feel that Pamela Anderson has woken up to show that someone who was a Calendar Girl and a glamour model and actor that, you don't to wear make up if you don't want to and it has been accepted. I feel that she has started a new found confidence and that you can still be beautiful without make up.

I remember on TOWIE some for the girls didn't wear make up to campaign about being natural and one of the women said "I don't want to look like a boy. Why would I like to be boy?" and I thought that was really ignorant thing to say. Women with make up doesn't mean your gonna look like a boy. 

If a person doesn't want work done, that isn't them being less of a person it comes down to personal choice and should be respected. My mum chooses to wear make daily and that is up to her. There is nothing wrong with that, but she doesn't get Botox or had a face lift and she has made me feel that I don't need to get work done either. I despised myself for such a long time and have battles with my self. I wanted to reduce my breasts, get work done on my neck and be slimmer but I don't want to do that now.

We put too much pressure on ourselves and spend thousands on trying to fix our faces and our bodies. I am 47 and have young skin still because I haven't spent too long in the sun. I use products suitable for my skin, but that is non fragrance and moisturise and careful with what I apply inside and on the outside. 

I am in a place where I am okay as I am and I focus on the inside of my body. So I take Supplements and medication for my Mental Health and brush my teeth each day. Shower and have a bath on some days and to me, that is still making an effort but not putting myself through a lot of pressure to feel good about myself. It can be a never ending cycle. 

It is good to look at yourself and going through what you like about yourself. I like my boobs, my hair and my legs. Now you do it. The human body is an amazing thing and that we should think about that. My body held my son. I have a hole in my heart and feel unique when thinking about that. 

I have done running events and fundraising walks. My boobs produced milk for my son and so our bodies are unique and so love it and embrace the natural beauty you have. Be authentic and smile, and that is a good remedy that helps the toning of you face and feel good in being you.

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Changes of the Seasons

I have been spending a lot of my time just with my son and today we went to Morden. When we reach the winter we can often get the Holiday blues because it is the end of Christmas once again. I've begun to take the Christmas decorations down and its returning to "Normality once again" for some people and dread the new year or want Christmas to go on for longer and you can do that. In some cultures they celebrate on the 26th December and then there is the Chinese new year. I have come to understand that there are no rules of when you you celebrate a season for longer. 

Our living room over Christmas 

It is up to you. Easter Holidays are different now. We'd treat it as if it was another Christmas, spending time with family and for some it is still is a family celebration, so if you feel low, it can be about ourselves because of what you have eaten and your filled with regret and means having to cut down what we have consumed mentally and physically. 

Use the after season, to eat less and get back to meal planning and use up what we have got and todays dinner is is going to be what we have in our freezer and food cupboard. I was going to have fruit out of the tin with Carnation Milk, but we are using up our crackers and cheese, so if your money is tight, influencing the way you feel, use up your food cupboard and food in the freezer and make a stew. A great meal for when it is cold and good to use up what you have so when it comes to Spring you can restock the food cupboard, fridge and freezer. 

It is also good to sort out my clothes. So got out some of my jumpers and I am going to do a Low Spend year, not buy anymore clothes and focus on my writing, my home and my son. I have enough and almost completed my Reading Challenging. Reading twenty books and read more and have a better storage system for my books and Journals. 

This helps me to exercise my mind and helping me write books and develop stories and switch off and build my knowledge. There is still a lot I want to learn in terms of writing and growing as person and reduce what I owe. 

I like what I owe mostly, like my clothes so don't need to consume more. 

There will be less hauls. I may do grocery hauls, but that will be it because I want to travel and I can't have both and it is a good way to use up what I have got and don't need money coming out all the time. 

If you'd like to visit in my vlog channel here is the link: (64) Typical London Gal Carrie Holmes - YouTube

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Decluttering Isn't all about Physical items but decluttering your mind too

When we think of declutter we think of physical things. It is also the mind and physical decluttering can help but this can have a negative effect too. It can feel lonely and want to ask for help but we are afraid to.

So you need to decide what is going to make you mentally charged. Do we ignore our mental state or should we take action to feel good in how you feel about yourself. If things are too much where can you go that will help and if there anyone who you can chat to? 

Are you finding that you hate what is around you? Are you in a volatile relationships? Physical declutter won't help but jotting down your negative thoughts about yourself will and that something needs to change by getting out of bad relationships will and knowing where and who can you turn to. I remember someone saying "You know who your friends are when you are down and not having a good time".

Christmas can be hard because of the expense and the loss of others. It felt strange the first Christmas without my nan as Christmas was always so enjoyable and my dad not being around now.

I like the Christmas again as I still have traditions, but new ones as and I know they wouldn't, my nan and my dad to feel sad and I want my son to enjoy it and now I feel this release of "Its okay".

I have found that it is good to go for a walk, journal and all those things people advise but also a nice meal, a good book to read and switching off from my laptop and phone. Playing music. I love creating playlists and now I work on radio this has really been a real revelation and that dreams can come true and that has helped declutter my mind. It is good to have things take your mind away from your troubles and redressing your thoughts as clutter in the mind can knock us down. 

Its not being selfish to have time for yourself. It in fact more important because if we can't function mentally how are we going to help our kids and family and friends. You need to focus on you sometimes and have joy in your life and so clear mentally then physically.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Handling The Nerves/Hearing yourself Speak

I remember when I heard myself for the first time. My friend had a camcorder and I was shocked by hearing myself and the fact that it was cringing, was an understatement. 

Then when I heard Diana speak and how she had elocution lessons made me feel that I am not the only one who suffered with nerves when speaking out. So did her Great Father law the Queens father and had help with speaking to world and the whole of Britain and it can really effect your confidence and I hated the way I spoke. 

Yet as a young girl, performing in shows as I had dancing lessons and did performances in school and the dance teacher would put a yearly show and I loved it and I wasn't nervous at all and it is strange that when I heard myself, I wanted to be invisible and then as I began to do Youtube videos I got used to it. I found myself say "You know" like a thousand times and er and um. 

I used a Dictaphone to practice speaking and began to laugh at my voice. I had the micky taken out of my voice because I'd stutter and would laugh but deep down it was affecting me and began to move away from that. People will think that it is just a joke but when it does make you want to hide away you know that these people will continue and when I would give back they didn't like it and I suppose they felt that it made then feel better. 

I mean some of it was funny but when I felt, when I stammered, like I wanted to go home and glad that I lost contact with them. My real friends would be supportive. It was work colleagues and we did have fab times but when you feel them smirking and felt uncomfortable, I decided to lose contact. I suffer with social anxiety and I now work on Hospital radio and I actually love it and really has helped with my confidence. 

I heard myself sing and I didn't think I was too bad and no I will never be Charlotte Church or Katherine Jenkins but wasn't like a cat screaming as I thought and I do get nervous doing my show but enjoy it at the same time and I love music and as a child I wouldn't always speak. Talking has always been a struggle and when someone would talk to me either my mum or brother would talk for me and now my son does the same when someone talks to him and so I encourage and he is never rude, he still learning about conversation and I feel he will struggle talking in front of others but again it is a skill that can grow and being around the right people. 

I mean David Beckham I remember hearing on Match of the Day for the first time and he had the micky taken out of him and I felt he handled it impeccably and I am sure it bothered him. I mean he is human. He took it and spoke via his skill in football and that is often the best way. 

So if you find it a shock when you hear your voice then one tip is, to find a song that you can listen to and sing to, record your voice via your mobile phone and read. That is what has helped me and I loved acting. That really did helped and enjoyed being in shows and plays.  

So use your voice, never hide away. That is not the answer and your voice is just as important to listen to, as the next person. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Building Your Social Confidence

This something I've had to work on. I do still get nervous when meeting with people. I like to rehearse in my head of what to say and talk about. 

I have had a embarrassing moments when chatting. I almost choked once eating a bit of cake and gagged and forgot what I wanted to say and just felt so self aware of trying to talk and nothings coming out and could end up spitting cake at the people I was talking to.

There have been times where I have stuttered, yet when working in a Call Centre was fine with what to say, it came to me naturally. I can take a joke and had people take the mick out of my voice but deep down making me feel so self conscious and been afraid to speak. 

I do feel a lot better now. Yes I still stammer and will talk fast and in a job interview once and kept interrupting and saw the look on the other persons face. My mind often goes at a such a pace that my voice can't always keep up. 

My the colour of my teeth. At school I had yellow teeth from drinking to tea and so the dentist advised me to cut it down. I never knew that the Queen Mother had bad teeth and not that I feel that is okay but was able to handle and change my teeth so they are white. 

My height would affect me as I am petite but gotten a way with paying child fare up to my twenties and no exaggeration and would feel bad but I would be honest but they'd say no and allowed me to pay child fare and tickets when I was with my friends at the Rugby team I used to follow. This, going to sports events has helped me be find in social situations,

I'd have the micky taken out of me but it was funny and really came out of my shell. 

So it can be around the wrong kind of people, who just like the sound of their own voice and had people talk down to me. I was in one job and one of my colleagues kept answering for me when talking to other colleagues and it really was bugging me. 

I could act in front of people and dance, but reading out in front of people can be my worst nightmare. 

When I am doing my radio show I write a script to help me when speaking and I am okay with it.

The worse thing is to avoid socialising, but find a way to control the fear and it can get better. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

 

Giving and Accepting Compliments

So today I took my son out for breakfast and gave the Waitress a compliment as she looked really stylish and my husband looked at me as if I was pulling an egg out of my mouth. So is it okay to give compliments and why is so alien to some? 

I feel it is a part of my personality. I do admire other people and mainly women because it is nice to see people make an effort and what I can do to feel better about myself. Also I bought make up and so don't want to tip it away so not everyday, but to mix my days up I will put some on. I have had compliments when working in call centre. I think it is nice and why can't we compliment one another?

It is nice to give myself pleasure and when I first started Vlogging (checkout: (235) Typical London Gal Carrie Holmes - YouTube) I got a complimented about my eye make up. It is good to give a confidence boost. Not for the sake of it, but say that I like their outfit or I work on Epsom Hospital Radio and given compliments to my fellow presenters as they all do a brilliant shows and feel privileged that I get to do a show too and hope people in the hospital listen to it, a long with those who have internet. 

A compliment is just that, A Compliment and always grateful and when people read and like my blogs it is really uplifting. 

So why it alien to others? 

May it is because they not sure if it is or not and don't know what it is. That isn't being viscous but honest feeling I feel when someone can't take or give a compliment and may not have experienced in receiving kindness and also feel, awkward. 

I think it is good to be nice and my son gives compliments and it really makes my heart melt when he does and I know he means it. 

That can also why some people feel awkward when it comes to compliments they don't know what to say back and if someone is actually meaning it.

It doesn't mean not to give any compliment because people find it alien but for that reason because to me I find it can be just gracious and build friendships and means you've given that person your time in complimenting them.

So what is your view in regards to compliments. I'd love to hear your views. You can use he Comments box below.

Many thanks for reading

Carrie X 

 

Feeling Ugly and losing your identity

I feel better these days about how I look and my reflection. I still catch myself when I begin to be critical about myself, but I no longer avoid looking at myself and I accept myself. I will make sure I look after myself, by looking after my skin, my teeth and eat healthy. 

You can be your own worse enemy when you put yourself down and would never say it to anyone else and when becoming a parent you can lose your identity, however much you love your kids. 

It is good to do things just for you at times and that is putting on some make up, going for a alone walk with a coffee, meet up with friends, but just you and just time where you feel better and be able to chat about your insecurities and forget about them, for an hour or two.

It is good to see yourself. The the worst thing is to avoid. For me it was, "Do I want to feel like this for the rest of my life?" I had enough, so I spent time challenging myself. I started to make an effort each day and that helped to build my confidence. 

The first thing was, "What makes me happy?" and "What do I want to change?"

Learning a new skill. I have done courses in Mental Health, Counselling and did football coaching courses and just spent time building my skills and knowledge and did a creative writing course and now doing a BBC Maestro course and I really enjoy learning. 

When you are on your Menstrual Cycle you can feel a little sluggish and out of sorts. Along with Menopause and if you are going through puberty. I found the changes of my body as I went through my teenage years, a shock to me and felt really insecure. I was very conscious of my weight, my teeth and would compare myself. 

Now I have stopped and I do feel better and that is regaining my identity now. I did a lot of self conditioning, like changed my habits. I will look after my body, I now paid of my debts, I read each day and go out a lot and explore and that has helped so well and make the most of my days and keep on growing and focus on what is important to me. This has been a huge turning point. 

So you don't have to feel low about yourself and build a better routine that helps with how you feel, like skincare, reading and Fearne Briton for example, enjoys organising her book shelves and I love doing a bit of tidying and make nice lunches. Mix your days up and do a bit of dancing. My son and I have been watching Strictly now it is back and been dancing. 

Increasing your endorphins can help in so many ways. So give yourself a break and doing different habits and changes can really help you to feel good inside and on the out. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

 

Who Do You Want to Be?

So if you are giving yourself a hard time, who do you want to be? 

I did a video talking about life Coaching Video for my Summer Project programme about Changing Your image because I feel so much better now I have addressed my insecurities by thinking What do I want to be?  So go through what is making you unhappy. 

Do you compare yourself to others?

There was a time where I felt my height (small) when out drinking with some work colleagues and I wanted to be invisible. I was very uncomfortable in my own skin. 

So I then decided to change my image, I decided I had enough of feeling unhappy with myself and I began going to the gym and dressed that made me feel like a woman and made an effort. I think working in corporate setting helped, at Butlins I would dress up to go out after I finished my last shift of the day and just being feminine. 

I like to have clothes that match, I like to wear dresses and want to wear more and putting on make up some days. I look after my body but I don't restrict myself and focusing on what my body needs has helped and listening to others who have had insecurities and how they addressed to make them feel better.

Mel Robbins wrote the High Five Habit due to criticising how she looked, looking at her reflection and so you can still be a billionaire and still not happy with yourself. 

Do you want to spend money? I feel if you want to have surgery than that is personal choice. A girl I knew working in a call Centre got her boobs done. It was not cheap but she hated being flat chested and she was a pretty and I envied her, but she felt insecure about her breasts and she seemed to feel happy about it, then she veneers, she was in so much pain. I have been thinking about getting a reduction, meaning my breast but wonder, will I regret it later? Am I willing to part with money to change my breasts? NO and have accepted them now and have been given compliments, but you can if you have big boobs get back ache and so if it becomes a real issue then I'd think about it a reduction but not to change my image.

I created some Self development training if you'd like to check it out: Self Development Training Video 1 Video 2 For Self Development Training Being Organised and Last video of my self Development training/structuring your life.

So sit down and go through when did it begin the feelings you have about your body and insecurity?

Was someone feeling insecure about themselves?

I was bullied and called fat and it hit me hard. Now I see it that it wasn't about me it was with themselves. When people unkind its often their way of feeling good about themselves, by attacking others.

YOU JUST WANT TO A BREAK FROM THAT INNER CRITIC.

So who do you want to be? What is the vision you have of yourself? What has influenced you? Asking these questions can really help.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

 

Be your Own Bestfriend

It was never dreadful hateful feelings, never harmed myself, but I still would be self critical and be my own bully. Your fat, ugly and nothing to give. Now I have that under control. My inner critic still shows itself, but I have learned how to bat it down. I say to it "No, I will..." example my radio show. "What if I forget my phone, the computer doesn't work and think, doesn't matter I will do best, and that is all to it and think "No I am going to enjoy it" then it is laid it to rest. It is good to be a little nervous because it is something I really care about and things go wrong even when I done alright has happened but continue on. The good way to look at things going wrong is to laugh about it as when I would watch live shows on the TV when things have gone wrong can even funnier. 

Life is never a steady road but once you learn to accept yourself then it won't feel such a travesty. 

To help I prepare myself, as I can't function well if I don't and by doing that I will be okay and because the radio station in a charity and is hospital radio, it feels so rewarding and once I am on air I feel good.

Give yourself some credit.

What one thing would you not change about yourself? I find writing it down helpful. It doesn't have to be a physical thing but could be your determination, a special talent, like I am good at dancing, writing and sport. 

I still get low at times but not so much and its more about the loss of someone not necessarily myself anymore and stopped being so self absorbed. I like helping people and feel I am good that, because I am tactful, polite with good manners and super supportive of other people. 

Now its your turn to write and give yourself some credit. Think about your achievements, made people smile and made them laugh or yourself and include everything. 

I am proud of the rewards I got at dancing school, was good at Cricket and tennis, creating games and made my son laugh and happy. 

Forgive yourself 

I have been unkind to others by blanking someone and calling people names and I am not proud of it at all and observing my behaviour has taught me to love others and stick by people who may have done wrong and aswell forgiving them, so had to learn to forgive myself. 

Stop beating yourself up of when you have done wrong. If you harmed someone then of course you do have to consider your actions and perhaps need help and support so you never do it again. I would playfully hit someone and I know if someone did that to me I wouldn't like it and my friends and family draw it to my attention that they didn't like it. I stopped and they forgave me and so forgave myself and I am a different person now. I have whacked my brain over it but you can't fix the past but can fix it in present time and move on forward and make changes in your present to learn for the future. 

I am not a saint and still can be rebellious, in that I won't always tidy up my clothes, avoid cleaning and get defensive at times but I will open the door for someone, I will always allow people who have waited first for a bus to get on before I do and give up my seat and so I do have qualities and counteracts the things I have done wrong, to be a better person. 

Build your life within 

Confidence is not about looks it is about how you feel. It is an emotion because you see yourself as an enemy when if you spent time looking at your traits and the things you done, you'll be amazed how it changes the view of yourself and not feel like you are the demon because you feel you don't fit in and you don't want to see yourself. 

What do you stand for?

What are your beliefs?

What do you find easy?

Are you a good friend to others, do you tidy up after yourself? Do you do charity work? 

Go through this to learn about yourself and what are you are thankful for? Yes I know this can be cheesy but it really help you to feel good about yourself, 

So love yourself. Be your own bestfriend and stop criticizing yourself. 

Be proud of who you are rather then resentful, of yourself

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X  

 

Its okay to be different

There is a saying that "It is okay to be different as the world would be boring". How much of that is true?

It is. As a kid being different was judged if you were gay, of a different colour, small or quiet. I felt different but glad I was. Who wants to be the same as everyone else? Isn't it better to be original?

Madonna is one person I think about. She had her own unique style Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley and ABBA, Cyndi Lauper or Boy George. They stood out but was part of why they became big stars and had so many fans who wanted to be original too.

As a child I didn't like my size and a doctor was amazed of my height and told me about going to bed early as it helps with growth. I found that hard to go to bed early as I was a bad sleeper and still unsure if that was true or not. It was as if being a certain height was a real problem, but people are different shapes and sizes. 

It is hard to accept yourself when people see that it is a abnormality but look at the Late Barbara Windsor, Dolly Pardon and Judy Garland. 

I am okay with my height now. Yes I think a lot of people used it to feel bigger than me and I was made fun of but I just let them and moved on. The person who would make fun out of me wasn't exactly tall either and heard her so friends talk about her and turned out that they didn't like her either and was taggling on with them. 

Often the person who is taking the micky are doing it because it makes them feel good, because of their own insecurities and this girl told me she didn't like me and I replied "Good I don't like you either" and was great "I said well I stay out of your way and if you stay out of mine" and it was settled and was glad that I didn't have to pay her much attention. 

I don't mind people making fun out of me as often it was funny, as long as they can take it back. Or aren't sniggering behind your back.

I am not one to upset anybody but if someone is not your fan then there is no need for an argument and means move on and focus on the people who do like you and have your back. In fact this girl at school friends were alright with me, it was just her. 

She was the same with other girls not in her group and was just wanting to pick on someone. I am glad she wasn't a friend of mine. It didn't upset me that she didn't like me, in fact I admired her honesty. I have had those who pretend to like me only to find out they've been talking about me behind your back and it happened when I was working for a national TV Station as a Temp and the girl I was working with was so nice and we would chat, have lunch together, but then I heard her really complaining about me to the managers and I did get fired and realised why they kept having a new assistance, working with this girl because she was not nice. So I went on my Merry way and moved on. 

Often people who are tough on the outside are actually not on the inside and why she was like she was, because she didn't like the job either and moan about them to me and they were all talking behind each others back. 

I don't want to be the same but be me. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Be Proud Of Yourself and stop resentment

Take a pen and paper. Write down how you feel about yourself right now?

Go through your achievements and the people in your life, work, family and just reflect and what do you want to take from this?

There was a time where I felt I hadn't accomplished anything. I daydreamed continuously, of having completely different life. Being someone else and that there is always going to be someone better than me. 

Last night I listened to a new presenter on the hospital radio I work on now, do her show and it was so good but triggered my insecurity and could feel it rising and I felt a grudge. Why? Does she care? 

I feel that I have often seen life as a competition but all that does, is make me beat myself up even more.

Yet it also inspired me. The importance is to create entertainment for people in the hospital and outside and we all, do our own thing and made me see how important it is to me, that I have good feelings towards like minded people and not feel threatened.

Would she resent me? How would that make me feel?

Can I even ask that question because she has no idea that I feel pressure from her show and that she is there for the same reason I am, so why feel resentment when we do the same job? 

From experience it is my problem not hers and. 

Do I want to see her fail? 

mess up and quit? 

Or actually use it to learn instead?

The one thing I need to stop doing is being super nervous about doing my show and proud that I actually used my ambition to work on radio and used my own initiative to apply to work on the radio, a job I had always dreamed about and to make new friends and not feel any negative feelings.

She should feel proud of herself, being that she is new too, no matter how it makes me feel and that I do as a good job as she did and learning. 

I want to be the best that I can be, but I need to not being so self scented. I made it about me and not that she is trying to deliver a show to override mine, she's just doing what I do, but feel proud that I have been doing a good show too and that we all work on hospital radio, to grow the station and that the shows we do, are enjoyed.

I enjoy it, so have to remind myself of that. I love the fact that I am in control of it and have fun with it too. I feel proud that I know a lot of music, that it is step to having a career I love and work on my own feelings and thoughts. 

Feel good for others. Someone I heard in a podcast with Boy George and he said "Do I want people to see me as rude and unkind?" I know what I will choose as I hate having bad feelings and not a jealous angry person who resents others, but respectful and want to see other achieve their dreams and why I write these blogs and please share if you have any thoughts on this blog.

You can put a comment below and subscribe or follow if you like to read more. It is free to do so.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Focusing On Our Body Shape

We are all different shape and sizes. It can get us down. I was always giving myself a hard time. I would focus on everything that was wrong with me. I wanted shape but didn't feel I had the shape that a woman was supposed to have and felt like I didn't belong in the Pretty category. I was the ugly duckling. 

After I completed Parkrun

I then at secondary school was told by a girl in my class saying I had a good figure. This was back in Secondary school where we'd dress in a shared changing room. I was unfit, had what is known as puppy fat and suffered with dry skin. I found it hard to tan when on holiday having such fare skin and would burn. 

Since seeing Nigella Lawson who was is fair skinned and curvy made me feel a, and lot better and since then Pamela Anderson who now wears no make up, because it is up to you to decide. I would get upset when I was challenged when it came to me not looking my age, as I looked so young, but then a friend said to me "I know you don't like it now, but when you get to my age" which she was ten years older than me and in her 30's she said "You'll see it as a complement" and she was right. 

There has been controversial subject about should they have ladies who are what some people would consider, were large, modelling clothes and having large size clothes. There was a debate about Dove Advert, which pictured different size women, to help people have body confidence. For me it is about inspiring and being healthy. I am not super skinny or large, but do pay attention to what I consume that has a negative effect. Like seeing people starving themselves to be a different size. I had an eating disorder and then had type 2 diabetes years later and it was my worst fear. That has changed and changed my medication as I have had psychosis, really bad bouts of depression and terrible anxiety, and now feel good. 

I watched Trinny and Suzanna, Gok Wan and Louise Pentland on Youtube and that our bodies are amazing machines that help us to walk, talk, eat, think and see. Not everyone has that and meeting people in disabled homes as one of my Uncles had a stroke, they never allowed themselves to be down. I made friends with girl named Sally and we wrote to each other. We lost touch but she was amazing. 

She wasn't skinny or overweight or was miserable. She was full of light, with the most nicest handwriting I had ever seen and she was full of life.

Now so many who would have been once overlooked and seen as odd are now in TV shows, comedians and successful athletes. Chris McCausland won strictly not because he is a certain shape but because he was good and blue everyone away watching him dance.

Be proud of who you are. If you want to lose weight then fine, but don't allow your insecurities stop you from living and that our bodies are shells that help us to live and I began to set myself challenges, find clothes that suited me and walk and exercise to keep me healthy and watch my blood sugar. That is the utmost importance and not my body shape. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X  

Self Development: Stop Self Neglect

I still get days like this morning where I have super bed hair, a coldsore on the side of my lip and feel like I could just hibernate in bed and do nothing. However I like to get dressed so I have developed a routine where I make sure I have something hot to drink, do a bit of reading and then go on my laptop and do a bit of writing and been watching the Jacksons who performed this new years and at 6:30am I get dressed for the day. 

One thing I like to do when my son is at school writing and planning in a local Coffee shop once a week

To feel good about yourself find a good mirror that flatters you and don't feel like tearing it down. Put a bit of make up on and brush your hair and make sure I brush my teeth twice a day which at one point I was not and it felt like self neglect. 

I no longer give myself a hard time about the way I look and thank Pamela Anderson for not wearing make up and that made me feel good as I do like make up but like make up free days too and she has made it okay to not wear make up. At the end of they day its up to you, but it is all about how you feel and what will help you feel better about yourself. 

This year is all about put myself more together as I do like to be smart aswell as dressing down on some days too when I want to do a workout, like dumbells and floor workout or walk on the treadmill, but still make myself presentable. 

I will be doing a Self Development programme on my Youtube channel Carrie Educational Youtube Channel and on my blog site, Everyone can build a castle. More to be confirmed.

It is all about investing in yourself and taking better care not to allow life to knock our confidence and we can often feel down when we spend our time looking at others and feeling like you don't fit in and that you'll never be good enough to compete and always being in competition, when it isn't about others it is about you. It is good to selfish. It is good to have some space from others and a friend of mine has just gone a solo trip and when I was a child there was a couple of my parents friends would go away just them and it is too just be on your own or your spouse and having that time can make a huge difference to your feel about you and your life.

I use the week when my sons at school to have time to go on a solo walk, have a coffee and weight training and floor workout, nice lunch and connect with others via my blogs and Youtube channels.

Now I do voluntary work on a Sunday and is like having time out to play music and has really made me feel good about myself. So stop neglecting yourself and do things that help you feel good to build your confidence.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X