Be Proud Of Yourself and stop resentment

Take a pen and paper. Write down how you feel about yourself right now?

Go through your achievements and the people in your life, work, family and just reflect and what do you want to take from this?

There was a time where I felt I hadn't accomplished anything. I daydreamed continuously, of having completely different life. Being someone else and that there is always going to be someone better than me. 

Last night I listened to a new presenter on the hospital radio I work on now, do her show and it was so good but triggered my insecurity and could feel it rising and I felt a grudge. Why? Does she care? 

I feel that I have often seen life as a competition but all that does, is make me beat myself up even more.

Yet it also inspired me. The importance is to create entertainment for people in the hospital and outside and we all, do our own thing and made me see how important it is to me, that I have good feelings towards like minded people and not feel threatened.

Would she resent me? How would that make me feel?

Can I even ask that question because she has no idea that I feel pressure from her show and that she is there for the same reason I am, so why feel resentment when we do the same job? 

From experience it is my problem not hers and. 

Do I want to see her fail? 

mess up and quit? 

Or actually use it to learn instead?

The one thing I need to stop doing is being super nervous about doing my show and proud that I actually used my ambition to work on radio and used my own initiative to apply to work on the radio, a job I had always dreamed about and to make new friends and not feel any negative feelings.

She should feel proud of herself, being that she is new too, no matter how it makes me feel and that I do as a good job as she did and learning. 

I want to be the best that I can be, but I need to not being so self scented. I made it about me and not that she is trying to deliver a show to override mine, she's just doing what I do, but feel proud that I have been doing a good show too and that we all work on hospital radio, to grow the station and that the shows we do, are enjoyed.

I enjoy it, so have to remind myself of that. I love the fact that I am in control of it and have fun with it too. I feel proud that I know a lot of music, that it is step to having a career I love and work on my own feelings and thoughts. 

Feel good for others. Someone I heard in a podcast with Boy George and he said "Do I want people to see me as rude and unkind?" I know what I will choose as I hate having bad feelings and not a jealous angry person who resents others, but respectful and want to see other achieve their dreams and why I write these blogs and please share if you have any thoughts on this blog.

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Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X