Feeling under valued

Have you ever felt as if your world has tumbled? Well I worked in a call centre and I had been there for a long time and would train new agents and one day one of the actual Trainer asked for my advice only for a manager tell him to not ask me as if I didn't know anything. 

She would ask me for help, so I was like okay and kept my distance. 

I have seen people moral go within a instant because this particular person could be very two faced. She was a manager and before she said the above felt we had a good work relationship. 

I couldn't get it out of my head and in the end I was made redundant like many but I thought really like saying "Stuff you", but I decided not to and forgot about it.

Should I have said something? I just hate confrontation and so just let it go. 

This was not just one experience and one time someone made me feel undervalued I decided to say something. Was it the right thing? At the time it was and felt no I am going to speak up for myself and so can you. It not right to be treated badly. Be seen incapable when you've worked your butt off. 

It is not how you treat people and one manage was good because he'd always pulled then aside to speak to them, not shout and was still respectful. People make mistakes and rather then help, feel it okay to go mental because of it.

If somebody is doing something wrong then show and teach. Let them ask questions and listen to what someone has to say. I often find myself talking over the other person so now I no sit back and listen and catch myself when I am about speak and teaching children about handling situations it has to begin from our own actions and make people feel valued and I hate seeing people being mistreated. 

There is no need to scream and shout. Keep your voice firm but not get in their face, throw things around and just calmly chat. I knew someone I'd go for a drink with and had a discussion and then use it against you at work. 

Leave the outside discussions to one side. Remember people are human and that we all deserve to be treated respectfully and dignity.

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X  

Stop Seeing Yourself As The Problem

If someone blanks you, gives you a dirty look or says something unkind you are not the problem.

I was chatting with my mum today and the one thing I have realised is that I am not their problem, they are. You can't be bestfriends with everyone. I have had conflict in many places and people but I have made it up but not everyone is going to. It may come across harsh but it is true. Also they may have insecurities and often its envy, but we put it upon ourselves and actually I am glad I am not friends with everyone because not everyone is nice. They have turned their nose up and actual fact I don't want to be with a person who is like that. 

Have they killed you? No and everyone has issues in their life and some people may look at you differently. I was told I was reserved. Not intended but I often like to switch off and I don't want people getting too close.

There are people who do talk to me and that is what I will focus on. So if someone blanks you or gives you a dirty look, then like Mel Robbins says "Let them". You are not the problem. Often it is that they can feel threatened by you. I am not one that feels I need to have a full face of make up all the time and I feel okay going out without make up. I don't always brush my hair, I am okay wearing the same clothes for four or five days. 

Do you see them all the time? 

If it is physical hatred then that is different, but I am not interested in this person and that can often be why their pissed off, because you are secretly confident in ways they'll never be. I do like to socialise but I also am someone who enjoys their own company. I can have a coffee by myself where others won't and that is up to them and if they don't want my company then so be it.  

I watched a podcast of Fearn Cotton, Happy Place and she was talking to Grace Campbell who is Alistair Campbell daughter and she would tell people she's a bit crazy because of others making her feel like that but you can't help what people see you as and let them be. 

We always punishing ourselves and it gets to the point where you want to shut the world away, but why should you? Everyone who is alive is allowed to live, not causing physical pain, but allowed to be who they want within reason and I love being around confident people and to those who turn their nose up continue least I know I don't have to engage and something they have to deal with. 

So if someone gives you a dirty look, blanks you or is rude about you so what. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Building A Relationship with your body image

Self image can really play with our minds. I see stars from reality shows have face lifts and extreme work done and it scares me because of the future generation. 

There was a time where I was thinking of changing my breasts and getting them lifted but that is what bras are for and I worry. I remember sex and the city where Samantha goes to get her boobs changed and she finds our that she has breast cancer. That may never be the case but it does worry me and also I like them. 

They may be saggy but they're alright and I am petite but again I wouldn't be me and I feel that we were given our bodies for a reason. I am not saying it is not right to get a nip n tuck, it just feels me with fear especially when it goes wrong and people not being medically trained to do a procedure to change someone's look. I'd like to have a facial and get my hair done but that all I want and will do. I personally would stay well clear and I've had an operation. I have a hole in my heart and feel that I have to take good care of my shell and bones. 

I see Katie Price and her daughter Princess looks just like her when she didn't have her lips and face done. It makes me feel like I want to say "Your perfect and no more" but people do have to decide for themselves and would she listen to me? Probably not and it can be proved that it can become addictive. 

I like to look after my Skin and so will by creams. I like to moisturise as I can get dry skin and been prescribed foot cream as I tried different ones but not made a difference and I do have nice feet so want to look after them and listen to your body.

There was a time I'd purposely not look in the mirror. I hated fitting rooms and it would really get me down. I hated being me and why I developed an eater disorder. There is so many people with big lips and I hate to say but they can look like a duck or a Goldfish a lot of the time and you don't need face lifts to look good. 

I think it is good to want to tone as I am working towards that, but I don't want to be too toned but look after my physique and changing my style as I'd like to be more feminine and I look at Pinterest a lot for looks but on what suits me and I feel good in wearing.

Nutrition I am getting conscious of and did at one time eat a lot of chocolate but not so much and I feel good for that. I like a fizzy drink and do consume alcohol but at a balanced level and what my body can have and not binge drinking anymore, but enjoy the taste. I used to be the one who'd be paralytic. I like a coffee or tea instead and when I do have an alcoholic drink it will be at the weekends. 

I have build a tolerance against my inner critic and even writing a book about it. 

Please check out my X Account where I post all my blogs and my Pinterest:

https://x.com/typical86285

https://uk.pinterest.com/carriechallonerholmes

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

 

Giving and Accepting Compliments

So today I took my son out for breakfast and gave the Waitress a compliment as she looked really stylish and my husband looked at me as if I was pulling an egg out of my mouth. So is it okay to give compliments and why is so alien to some? 

I feel it is a part of my personality. I do admire other people and mainly women because it is nice to see people make an effort and what I can do to feel better about myself. Also I bought make up and so don't want to tip it away so not everyday, but to mix my days up I will put some on. I have had compliments when working in call centre. I think it is nice and why can't we compliment one another?

It is nice to give myself pleasure and when I first started Vlogging (checkout: (235) Typical London Gal Carrie Holmes - YouTube) I got a complimented about my eye make up. It is good to give a confidence boost. Not for the sake of it, but say that I like their outfit or I work on Epsom Hospital Radio and given compliments to my fellow presenters as they all do a brilliant shows and feel privileged that I get to do a show too and hope people in the hospital listen to it, a long with those who have internet. 

A compliment is just that, A Compliment and always grateful and when people read and like my blogs it is really uplifting. 

So why it alien to others? 

May it is because they not sure if it is or not and don't know what it is. That isn't being viscous but honest feeling I feel when someone can't take or give a compliment and may not have experienced in receiving kindness and also feel, awkward. 

I think it is good to be nice and my son gives compliments and it really makes my heart melt when he does and I know he means it. 

That can also why some people feel awkward when it comes to compliments they don't know what to say back and if someone is actually meaning it.

It doesn't mean not to give any compliment because people find it alien but for that reason because to me I find it can be just gracious and build friendships and means you've given that person your time in complimenting them.

So what is your view in regards to compliments. I'd love to hear your views. You can use he Comments box below.

Many thanks for reading

Carrie X 

 

Be your Own Bestfriend

It was never dreadful hateful feelings, never harmed myself, but I still would be self critical and be my own bully. Your fat, ugly and nothing to give. Now I have that under control. My inner critic still shows itself, but I have learned how to bat it down. I say to it "No, I will..." example my radio show. "What if I forget my phone, the computer doesn't work and think, doesn't matter I will do best, and that is all to it and think "No I am going to enjoy it" then it is laid it to rest. It is good to be a little nervous because it is something I really care about and things go wrong even when I done alright has happened but continue on. The good way to look at things going wrong is to laugh about it as when I would watch live shows on the TV when things have gone wrong can even funnier. 

Life is never a steady road but once you learn to accept yourself then it won't feel such a travesty. 

To help I prepare myself, as I can't function well if I don't and by doing that I will be okay and because the radio station in a charity and is hospital radio, it feels so rewarding and once I am on air I feel good.

Give yourself some credit.

What one thing would you not change about yourself? I find writing it down helpful. It doesn't have to be a physical thing but could be your determination, a special talent, like I am good at dancing, writing and sport. 

I still get low at times but not so much and its more about the loss of someone not necessarily myself anymore and stopped being so self absorbed. I like helping people and feel I am good that, because I am tactful, polite with good manners and super supportive of other people. 

Now its your turn to write and give yourself some credit. Think about your achievements, made people smile and made them laugh or yourself and include everything. 

I am proud of the rewards I got at dancing school, was good at Cricket and tennis, creating games and made my son laugh and happy. 

Forgive yourself 

I have been unkind to others by blanking someone and calling people names and I am not proud of it at all and observing my behaviour has taught me to love others and stick by people who may have done wrong and aswell forgiving them, so had to learn to forgive myself. 

Stop beating yourself up of when you have done wrong. If you harmed someone then of course you do have to consider your actions and perhaps need help and support so you never do it again. I would playfully hit someone and I know if someone did that to me I wouldn't like it and my friends and family draw it to my attention that they didn't like it. I stopped and they forgave me and so forgave myself and I am a different person now. I have whacked my brain over it but you can't fix the past but can fix it in present time and move on forward and make changes in your present to learn for the future. 

I am not a saint and still can be rebellious, in that I won't always tidy up my clothes, avoid cleaning and get defensive at times but I will open the door for someone, I will always allow people who have waited first for a bus to get on before I do and give up my seat and so I do have qualities and counteracts the things I have done wrong, to be a better person. 

Build your life within 

Confidence is not about looks it is about how you feel. It is an emotion because you see yourself as an enemy when if you spent time looking at your traits and the things you done, you'll be amazed how it changes the view of yourself and not feel like you are the demon because you feel you don't fit in and you don't want to see yourself. 

What do you stand for?

What are your beliefs?

What do you find easy?

Are you a good friend to others, do you tidy up after yourself? Do you do charity work? 

Go through this to learn about yourself and what are you are thankful for? Yes I know this can be cheesy but it really help you to feel good about yourself, 

So love yourself. Be your own bestfriend and stop criticizing yourself. 

Be proud of who you are rather then resentful, of yourself

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X  

 

Be Proud Of Yourself and stop resentment

Take a pen and paper. Write down how you feel about yourself right now?

Go through your achievements and the people in your life, work, family and just reflect and what do you want to take from this?

There was a time where I felt I hadn't accomplished anything. I daydreamed continuously, of having completely different life. Being someone else and that there is always going to be someone better than me. 

Last night I listened to a new presenter on the hospital radio I work on now, do her show and it was so good but triggered my insecurity and could feel it rising and I felt a grudge. Why? Does she care? 

I feel that I have often seen life as a competition but all that does, is make me beat myself up even more.

Yet it also inspired me. The importance is to create entertainment for people in the hospital and outside and we all, do our own thing and made me see how important it is to me, that I have good feelings towards like minded people and not feel threatened.

Would she resent me? How would that make me feel?

Can I even ask that question because she has no idea that I feel pressure from her show and that she is there for the same reason I am, so why feel resentment when we do the same job? 

From experience it is my problem not hers and. 

Do I want to see her fail? 

mess up and quit? 

Or actually use it to learn instead?

The one thing I need to stop doing is being super nervous about doing my show and proud that I actually used my ambition to work on radio and used my own initiative to apply to work on the radio, a job I had always dreamed about and to make new friends and not feel any negative feelings.

She should feel proud of herself, being that she is new too, no matter how it makes me feel and that I do as a good job as she did and learning. 

I want to be the best that I can be, but I need to not being so self scented. I made it about me and not that she is trying to deliver a show to override mine, she's just doing what I do, but feel proud that I have been doing a good show too and that we all work on hospital radio, to grow the station and that the shows we do, are enjoyed.

I enjoy it, so have to remind myself of that. I love the fact that I am in control of it and have fun with it too. I feel proud that I know a lot of music, that it is step to having a career I love and work on my own feelings and thoughts. 

Feel good for others. Someone I heard in a podcast with Boy George and he said "Do I want people to see me as rude and unkind?" I know what I will choose as I hate having bad feelings and not a jealous angry person who resents others, but respectful and want to see other achieve their dreams and why I write these blogs and please share if you have any thoughts on this blog.

You can put a comment below and subscribe or follow if you like to read more. It is free to do so.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Changing The Way You Feel about yourself

I no longer feel ashamed to be me, when I would look in the mirror thinking "Who the hell are you?" and having total different feelings of how I looked in my head to the image I saw in the mirror and not liking any of who I was. 

It has taken a long time to be comfortable in my own skin and accepting myself, building my life to follow my dreams, concentrating on my health and my wellbeing. 

Having fun with clothes and like to change my style as I get bored, to help and been trying to eat more healthy foods, as I have had battles with my weight which has affected my confidence and being happy about myself and exercise. 

Becoming a mum, I knew I had to change my mindset for him as I wanted him to like his body and bring the best out of him and be confident with himself and when having a child, your body changes and you have to grow up and fast. It changes you whole life and being pregnant can affect you, but the fact that we can carry a child, is something to be proud of and have a vessel that can do that. 

Men can feel bad about themselves, take Pete Burns who was in the band Dead Or Alive and I thought he was super hansom, but it is a personal thing and had an amazing voice, and it is all what's going on, on the inside and I worked with a woman who didn't like her boobs so had a boob job, yet I said to her, if I ever looked like her I'd never feel bad about myself. 

So on the surface it appears that someone is confident, but hide it and suffer in silence. 

The one person who I think about is Karen Carpenter she had Anorexia and started by comments in the press about her size, that it began and she was beautiful and had a voice of an angel but starved herself and she had some much more to give and having it myself I see her and think I don't wanna to die young, which she did and so I educated myself with food and diet and I love food now, not binging but enjoying my meals and still needs work but I want to live for my son and for myself. 

Please talk about it as we can feel alone and you can build your relationship with yourself so you feel good about you and noone can love you more, than how you love yourself. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Seeing yourself in a new light

So it was International Women's day last week and I think particularly women tend to be a lot harder on themselves, and feel like we have to take on the world, on our own.  

I no longer give myself a hard time, because when I was, I asked myself, do I want to feel like this all my life? Am I dead? No, so what's the issue? Comparing, Who wants to look at me? and it took a lot to  be kind to myself and accept me.

The women's body is amazing, and so should celebrate women. Be proud of who you are. 

When our husbands are working and we're sitting at home I often, when my son was first born was like "okay what do I do now?"

There are women who make it on their own. I have a friend who has not gotten married or had a child is in her fifties, and I respect that. It does come down to personal choice, and often it feels like we can't win, if we want to stay at home, to bring their children up, or still work in full time employment with children, or of they don't want kids. 

Invest in yourself, by looking after your skin and appreciate your body, your personality and the things you love. Never fear that you aren't good enough. Take chances. Be with people you can relate with and teach you. When I began go out and watch a rugby team, who I was introduced by a friend I really began to come out of my shell and felt I could be me. 

I thank my friend for doing that, it really was such a great time and I am so glad that in my twenties I had that and we had some great times, that I will always treasure. Have a night out and have a glass of wine and a bite to eat. My friends and I would often have a girls night out, where we would meet up in Waterloo station or a friends house and go out and stay at her place. 

Being with people who love you for you, are for me the people you should have around you and you can be yourself and not bitching or getting narky because they've had a drink and just enjoy yourself with like minded people. 

Have those that will give you encouragement to follow their dreams and ambitions. Who will listen and just be there to give you support. 

So, live and remember you are fantastic. Stop being against yourself because you not happy with the way you are. Start following habits and I do write a blog Everyone can build a castle, and talk a lot about habits: https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com 

I hope this blog helps you and will be writing more.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Being able to look yourself in your face and be honest with yourself

You need to stop demolishing yourself, because you wouldn't say it to a friend so stop doing it to yourself.

I still have to catch myself, because I have nothing to complain about. I finally feel good in my body and my skin, and it has taken a long time to see that and lucky to have the body I have. 

Be proud of who you are and journal how you feel. This helps lay your thoughts down and then ask yourself, "Do you want to feel like this for ever, what can I do today that will help you feel better?"

At school I had criticism about my teeth being yellow and so given advice from a dentist to cut down on drinking tea, and I have abandoned my teeth and so made a commitment to myself to look after them and brush them everyday and no excuses. If I don't want to yellow teeth then it means using a toothpaste that helps and get them regularly checked and cleaned and its not going to go away if I don't take action.

You have to take action and say "What would make me feel better?"

I think looking after my skin has helped. I don't wear make up all the time and help my skin breath and use products that I know my face and body likes, and create a short make up routine if I want to put some on, and it does help with my confidence, and how I feel about myself, along with exercise and changing my eating habits.

Then it is bathing or having a shower, and have a daily ritual, that you can face yourself. Have a routine to practice self care and go through your journal and read it of what you have written, and set goals for your body and I have nothing against cosmetic surgery, but do your research and is a personal choice, but try other interventions and if you still want to have fuller lips, a nose transformation or it is your boobs, for example, really think about it, and never feel forced. 

Be careful of what you consume. If you find certain images that influence how you feel about yourself that gets you down, then change that. Find your style, and create a feel good capsule wardrobe. I love my image now and looking at Pinterest of styles I like and help create an image I feel good about.

How do you feel about the food you eat? I have struggled with my diet and relationship with food and I still don't have a good diet, I will go for cakes and biscuits, so to help that I am learning about what food is good for me. What do I want my relationship with food to look like? 

I started to cook again and planning meals. There seems to be a miss communications as it now perceived that its not about "Portion Control" and about what food you eat and exercise doesn't help with losing weight. What is right and what is wrong? I feel this puts a lot of pressure on people. So to illuminate that I have been trying to stop snacking, but I find eating three meals a day to be hard, because I find that this has had a reverse affect. It is about healthy, I agree, and I get sick of eating crisps and chocolate anyway and listen to my body, as for it depends on each person, and I like Carbs and eating meat and like to eat what I fancy and have fruit and vegetables, and trying different foods, and meals that don't take too long, but are fulfilling.

So look at yourself and give yourself credit, life is too short and so live whilst you living and be happy with yourself and make changes that makes you happy and content with yourself.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

What changes can you make, that will get rid of stress and stop anxiety from taking over that can effect your confidence

Since a kid when I would be clumsy and forgetful, I would begin to panic. This would make what I did seem ten times worth that what really wasn't that bad. I once spilt nail varnish remover on a table we had when we lived in a flat on a housing estate and because nail varnish remover had acid in it, it took the wooded paint off the table. 

I did it to show I can be responsible, so I was actually showing off, because I saw someone else do it, I wanted to follow. Basically I was taking my nail varnish off to put some more on and as soon as it happened and I saw the face on my parents, I ran into the bathroom, thinking "I don't want to be told off" but as I spilt the remover of course my family saw it spill,  and yes I got a telling off. 

Now I am an adult, I can now reason with it, and to say I learned my lesson, and rarely paint my nails, and when I do, I rarely use remover. 

This effected my confidence with using nail polish remover, because I am still clumsy but feel a little distrust in myself to do so. I know I can use it without spilling it,  but I have spilt again on carpet and so I feel me and remover will always have a love hate relationship, and it is because I need to change my relationship with. I know now to use it when in the bathroom over the sink, but took me a while to be logical about it. It is a habit, and like habits they do tend to take us back and I am still clumsy but better and not being so bloody naive.

This is made me less stressed about it and about other things, like leaving my bag in a shop, and did this once in Tesco's where I live, left my rucksack with my laptop with it, but luckily it was found and given in. 

Do I still use that rucksack? Yes,

Have I done the same since? No 

So have I learned? Yes

I did feel myself want to panic? Yes, 

Was anything taken?No. 

My anxiety started, but I took control, and that has changed me in being more reliable when it carrying my possessions, and sort it out before the panic jumps in. 

If something is stressing you out constantly then changes need to be maid because it will effect your wellbeing and your confidence, because it's gonna constantly play in your mind, until you take action. 

I have an inner strength now since those incidents, because it raised my awareness. I will take my time rather than rushing, and value myself in remembering stuff and no longer living in a day dream. 

When we beat ourselves up, all it does is cause restrictions to not do that again, in case the same thing happens, but believe in yourself and make changes, so now when put nail varnish on and take off with remover I know to take my time and over the sink. Nothing drastic has to change, just be more logical about it. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X

Typical London Gal  

 

 

Understanding the mind and gaining control

I at the moment doing a Life Coaching Programme called "The Summer Project 2022" to help you have a better Summer and a better life, so please check out my blog linked here: https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com

What I will do is to add this blog linked to the above blog site as part of my programme, and to my Pinterest Pin to share whilst I do this project. https://www.pinterest.co.uk/thetypicalLondongal/

So, this blog is all about Understanding the mind and gaining control, and to do that you need to sit down and spend sometime of where you are feeling now today, but also go through assets you have, example, you like your Living room but there is a room you hate going into because it may be messy and you are trying to avoid it and feel overwhelmed every time you go in there. I would avoid my bank account, but to gain control I now check it everyday and give myself a target now of how much I want to save each month and this has made me worrying about my finances a lot less. 

This can effect how we feel and our mind, as it makes us feel low because we can't get ourselves together to sort this room out or any area in your life you are wanting to ignore, but you want to get in touch with. 

I wrote a book about how to make one change a day in your life on amazon, and just making one a change can still make all he difference, rather than allow to dictate your feelings and your mind. 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Things-Change-one-day-time-ebook/dp/B0916KDN9H/ref=sr_1_2?crid=3TL3CMAPUOVB0&keywords=EBooks+by+Carrie+Holmes&qid=1657702366&s=digital-text&sprefix=ebooks+by+carrie+holmes%2Cdigital-text%2C84&sr=1-2

The other thing to do is to separate items into categories, but if this is too much then just put one item in the box and just do one category at a time. If you not liking your appearance then check out your clothes perhaps they aren't your style and I find I do this, I go buy price rather than what benefit this item will have one me. 

If you feel slumped it is because you just need to do a makeover and revamp your closet. 

What gives you value? and what items and fashion suit you. If you can afford why not get a stylist and watch Trinny London and Melissa Murrell they do a lot of videos to styling and its that simple and the mind when it sees mess creates mess into your life but once you start gradually making changes can help the mind feel at piece and will get control of it, rather than feeling low because you life is chaotic, and not a good rhythm.

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Typical London Gal   

When your kids give you confidence and how we can learn from them

I have worked a lot on myself and I am writing many things about this and like sharing hoping that you as my audience and followers find it helpful and makes you feel better. When we lack confidence we can often feel like we are on our own, but no we are not. 

My son tells me that he loves me now, and I love it, and gives me such confidence because I feel me and my son have turned a corner in that he feels happy to share how he feels, and it is so endearing. I think its because you know they mean it, and not saying it because it is a new sentence they have just learned. 

He is so aware of what is around him and who is who in his life and when he calls me I get so touched about it and feel such comfort. I tell him everyday I love him and I want our relationship to be a good window for him and me to talk about things and be expressive. For a while I felt the relationship was being effected, because I'd want to be with me phone rather than spending time to play, and disappointed in myself in doing that, but I feared being a parent and so to escape I'd be looking on my phone, rather than playing with my son. 

How was I able to bond with Henry if I want to spend time bonding with my phone and blogs, rather than him? I now I leave my phone in my bag, and when he is with me, make sure I take it out of site and this has made a huge difference, because he will knock it out of my hand, to say, "Its my time not your phone" and this has been a education for me as kids live for now, not what happened yesterday or what is happening tomorrow but now, presently. 

Our insecurities can be passed on, but since spending time with my son, it has made me active, playing football, tennis and cricket, and pushed these feelings of low self worth better. 

I do write a parenting blog if you'd like to check it out, https://theparentingadventurestipsandtricks.wordpress.com  and I have books on parenting too, check them out on amazon.com, under my names, Carrie Challoner and Carrie Holmes. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Building confidents as a mum

Everything I do I doubt myself, and has become a habit. I share a lot about my life online, and I doubt this too. It is safe to say I am a doubter and proud about it, but know it something I progressively changing. 

I am learning to look after myself without feeling guilty that "I shouldn't be doing that as its selfish and being selfish is wrong". NO IT IS NOT! my gut tells me. I have learned your gut says a thousand things and I am learning to use it to stop the doubting. 

Thing about being a mum I thought I'd have it all sussed as I have looked after other peoples children, but it is totally different. There is no running away and passing the responsibility and it can fall on your shoulders and covered in pooh, and then phone rings, the door goes and its like "Why didn't anyone tell me?", "I never knew it will be like this", and I didn't. Yet I naturally loved my little boy and couldn't believe he had arrived and it took a while to sink it. I never had issues about bonding, but it was getting to know this little human and meant that I would have to get myself together. 

I have come to see I will always be doubting but I know how to handle it now and answer it, and that is by saying "I know what I am doing, and I know myself, and prove it to myself, and I have done that by setting goals for me and my son, and grow our relationship by sharing my love to him. He now tells me he loves me and it really does make my heart melt. So I feel that I have done alright and the doubt has become less. 

I can cook for my son, I can get him to read a book and can help get his homework done and be there on time when he comes home from school, and do practice affirmations and even have a notebook with them written down, and this has helped me a lot. 

I have a gratitude journal and go through what I am thankful for including how I feel about myself and I have changed a lot. I am no longer a stranger to myself, being a human being and a mum, and have more self belief in myself than ever before. 

So focus on what you can rather than what you can't do.

I have books on parenting and other topics on amazon.com under the names Carrie Challoner and Carrie Holmes, so if you'd like to read them then take a look.  

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X   

Day 4/Blog Challenge/Dealing With Anger when we lack self confidence

When we look at ourselves in the mirror and see an image we don't want to see it can hit you with a punch, and we can be our own worst Critic, and I am guilty of that. I have taken in out on others and feel bad in writing that but I would, because I needed approval from someone else to help make me feel better. 

Anger can be caused because we question others, example "Why would anyone want to be my friend?" when we feel we look like soneone being pulled through a hedge backwards. We criticize our clothes, the hair on our faces and compare a lot. This then can turn into be resentful, and then be constantly wanting someone to tell us "You look good" and "You are funny and do have a personality we like". 

Self development is the key to get control of the inner critic and shut it down. If there are things that really upset you then address them and take time on yourself. Having a hot bath with bath salts, taking your dog out to walk and put a bit of make up on if it helps and if someone is not making you feel good, as it is a cause when we lack confidence then talk to them about it. Let people to know how you feel. Get to know others who are confident, but not those who rub it into your face but someone that you can click with and chat about anything or everything. It can work wonders for your confidence and bounce off of them.

Finding people you can relate to can help and addressing the feelings will help prevent anger. What is about the people around you that gets you angry. There are still mix feelings when it comes to those who don't feel good about themelves. They aren't seeking attention but want someone to listen and have your back, whatever it is that is causing the anger, and we then become jealous, and like Mel Robbins says, that isn't enough of self worth to go around. 

I do have a book about Anger and it says that, by how you were bought up can be why you get angry because perhaps they were angry when it came to certain things. Like getting frustrated that a skill they are teaching is not being taken notice of by the next generation, when if we study ourselves we can end up copying certain behaviours. 

Discussing it is better than a shouting match and so, if they don't listen then when they want you to listen to them instead, make them know that "Everyone is allowed to use their voice", but with a steady voice. I have often gone out, and when I was living in the South Coast I wouild go and sit by the seaside where I lived at the time. I'd pop to the shops, I would go to another room to calm down and give myself 5 minutes to just chill and then if it was because I came home angry, apologise and lay it to rest/

Many thanks for reading,  

Carrie X 

Tea and Coffee how it comforts me and then lowered my confidence as a kid

As a kid I was a tea drinker and now I switch between the two, and it I am not sure if this is a normal thing being a grown up now, I do not know but with my tea I am quite precise in what I like. I am going to try and finish my jar of Nescafe, and not been great and gonna go back to Kenco Jar and there is a richer one I want to try. 

Why has these drinks come into my life?

Because when you get older your taste of things change, and for comfort. With tea I drank it like orange juice and has always been part of my life. When I have a cup it helps me reflect on things happening in my life, passed, present and future, yet my snn who is 8 years old has never had a cup and drinks water or milk and reminds me of the things I experienced in my life that is different for him. 

If he ever wanted to join me and in having a cup I would oblige as it never stopped me. Yet when tea did stain my teeth it made me really self conscious and felt ashamed of my teeth. 

I stopped drinking so much and the dentist at the time told me to cut down to 2 to 3 cups a day and this was hard as I was like, what else can I drink? I didn't drink water as I found it tastless and didn't help me, I didn't drink cans of drink as I could never finished one, and so it was tough to hear that, and did follow for a few days but not for long I was drinking so much. 

Now though I have 1 to 2 cups a day and may be a third in the winter, but I do cut it down and now my teeth are back to being white and learning as a kid I needed to do it when I was ready.

I love both tea and coffee but I no longer rely on it and do drink sodas and water now. 

How much my life has changed since a kid has made me see how much I have grown.

I no longer have to fear my teeth, I still struggle with the shape of my teeth but not the colour any longer, and so to be confident it means changing things in your life, the simplist of things, to keep building everyday you are alive. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Don't put limitations on building your confidence

When it comes to confidence we often don't secretly want to be confidence because we fear other peoples reactions to this confident person that is still yet to come out.

That is limitations and can disrupt the change you want to have to be confident. We feel unworthy in having confidence and we tell ourselves, "I am never going to be confident because of XYZ".

This is not true and you are worthy. Do you still want to be lacking confidents when you are 50, 60 at 80? As when you stop it, it stops and will be on the wheel of confience and blocking yourself in creating a better view on yourselves and how you feel within. 

Within is where our confidence lives and often you want to keep it there, but then you look at someone thinking, I wish I had your confidents and you can have this. 

LET IT OUT!

Limitations are the door that shuts on you, and when people start to bitch, that becomes their issue not yours, so allow it to help grow into a confident person and let them see it. 

Work on building the support network you want and have a shuffle of letting people go to bring new people into your life. 

Set deadlines for yourself on working on your confidents and start creating an image of yourself with full confidence. If people don't have your back, then don't hold theirs and move on to the new people in who love your confidents and be there to help their's too.

So never put your confidents building to a hult and keep driving it up, so think about how you would get a car up a mountain and if you get to the top, give yourself a cheer and pat yourself on the back. 

We are our own makers and we all serve a place in this world. 

Many thamks for reading, 

Carrie X    

Finding your way through parenting

 As a parent I haven't always been super confident in fact having anxiety and being anxious did double. Sorry if this feels like I am scarmongering, I just like to give the facts but you find your way through. You will begin to see that kids from an early age will begin to make choices for themselves and want to do things without your help, and it can be a culture shock but when you have found your feet, you'll see that it can all fit in and will find a balance between you, the baby and non parent relationships and the other parent. 

Discussing any worries with your midwife whilst pregnant or trying to get pregnant is a great way to get advice and you can get counselling now when it comes to having children, which was never there before, and sitting down and chatting about it, along with other parents can give you real support and you'll be glad to have talked about anything that is causing you to feel anxiety still and anxiousness. 

Take each step as they come and I found comfort by learning about each stage of my pregnancy and wish I had a camera to see all the different stages as it is amazing and the biggest thing you'll ever do in your life. 

If you are tense your baby will feel it and so get prepared and have your stuff ready for the birth as soon as you have your 25 week scan. 

Have a budget when it comes to buying items for your baby and separate their money away from yours and have a changing basket in each floor and rooms you spend most of the time. 

I loved having a portable changing mat as it makes nappy changing a breeze.

Use a baby carrier for when they are new born and something I will do if I am able to get pregnant again. 

Finding items that are functionable and practical, like a portable changing areas and I used our items in the living as the bathroom where I lived when having Henry, wasn't big enough for baby changing to be done in there, so it was his room, a bed or the floors cleaned downstairs. 

I write a regular blog post on my site: https://theparentingadventurestipsandtricks.wordpress.com 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

When people take sides and effects your confidence

Experiencing an end of a relationship, you'll discover many different emotions and dilemmas, like the change it means. Moving to a new home and sharing custody if you have children, and guilt especially you if like me ended it. 

It was not like I wanted it too and had it planned, I kept going through it as you get feelings, like will it change back and the emotions followed by the end of a friendship even, can hit like a knife but when one of you feel there's no spark anyone, it has to be what you decide, and what is the right answer? Often we look of answers when it is right in our face, and that is it can only go two ways, carry on praying it will fix it self or take action. Often you have to take action, however much it can hurt.  

With the end of friendships too, people will take sides and give advice when often we want to be listened to and yet people immediately in my experience jumped in front of the other person involved and then your left feeling like a criminal of some sorts. 

Yet it can be resolved by saying "Do you want to hear it from my side?" This gives them the choice, but people can be narrow minded and still not taking it in. I wrote a blog on my other site: everyonecanbuildacastle.com   about how to talk to someone when they don't want to listen? it is often you can't but give them the chance to, but if they are adament about it then it best to leave them and just support and back yourself and seek help elsewhere like Mind.org or even with mental health teams in your area. They usually separated going on borough in London and Surrey. 

So never feel guilt, and do like I did. We my ex-husband did sit down and talked, and now we are on good terms. I hope it can last this way and good for our some to be civil as you do have to remember if you have children they need to be told about what is happening and are listened to too. 

If it has knocked your confidence and self belief, then it is time perhaps to do something for yourself and take time to rebuild the wall around you and find people who are on your side and noone is sitting on the ledge, and being stuck in the middle of it. 

For me relationships I have had for years are like family and so when it ends it does really effect my confidence but I address and then go over and try to reach a medium and work on my self belief, and leave the window open for them, but only for so long. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Stand up and be counted/Never be excluded again/Happiness should be all round

Hello and welcome! If you would like to visit my Youtube channel then you can do so via this link:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUDFIqjVKLy7NhtcR6Hy0Tg

If you are lacking confidence, because of the way you look or feel, and you aren't being listened to then don't take this anymore. 

Stand up for yourself and if you are with someone who pushes you away that you love and dangles you in front of friends cause you are popular, you have a high profile and cause you are grabbing people's attention, and they aren't, then talk with them and see that it isn't out to get them, or be forgotten. We can all be friends, but I have learned now, in my 40's there are people who will always be like that, no matter what so, are they friends or not, that is what you need to ask them, and you be in charge to decide are they worth sticking by or not?  

Give yourself credit. Something that I have had to work on, and be counted. If you feel you are being pushed out then never be excluded again as they are doing it because they feel, that if you are happy that they aren't, but happiness can grow all round. If you are kind to someone then chances are they will be kind to you. 

If you open the door to someone and they don't acknowledge then say "Thank you wouldn't go a miss", and keep faith, not everyone is like that, but they feel that the door should be opened to them, when no I could have just ignored and closed the door in their face...yet would I do that, is that making me as bad as them? . 

I find when you meet someone who isn't thankful it can rub off, and working in Customer Service there were people who would ring to have an argument, because they don't care who you are or a friend, and someone who is expected to be rude to and angry at. 

This can lead again on you, and rubs off, and when I would go home to my ex-husband I would often explode.

Yet there are ways to have them change their minds, by agreeing "yes that it not right, let me help fix it" and I have been an angry customer, when I was gonna use BT to install our internet, because they had a great deal on their website, but they kept saying where I used to live we couldn't have the internet, because we didn't have a the right cable outside to do so, and every engineer who visited said the same. 

What did I do cancel, and they then would allow us to change over for about a month, and that didn't encourage me to then join BT but pushed me further away.

So again, stand up and be counted, and never be exclused again. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Feeling like you don't belong/Be a loner/How I overcame these feelings

Hello anc welcome! This blog site is all about building confidence and as kid to an adult often felt like I didn't belong anywhere and felt this throughout my life and now I am in a place where I do and its blog writing and publishing books that have helped. I have always loved writing and is my passion. 

At school when I first started I would sit on a bench and watch the others kids having a good time and I would sit there hoping that someone would speak to me but didn't and had to work hard to build friends. I was never comfortable in that environment and I feel the problem was, was that you were to learn and that was it. 

Schools now encourage kid interaction and building good relationships with other kids as school does play a part in your life and I never liked being there. 

How I overcame this was when I began working and it was through work that made me feel important and not just someone who can print documents off or just another employee. 

I felt that I fitted in better and that it was an environment I needed and going to dancing school on Saturdays and did some casual work at first working at Fulham Football club, it all added up and then discovered the blog world and as they say the rest is history. 

I had found my niche and that is what is important what inspires you and builds you. You have to work on yourself in order to meet new people in your life. 

Did you know the Singer Celine Dion took 4 years out of her career to change image and to learned English to help expand her career as an artist and performer and it worked. I do take regular breaks from the blog world but I always come back and the good thing noone needs to know I have been aways its I do get burn out and often just need that time to reflect and to recharge.

Confidence is building your self inside an out not listening to critics or allowing them to take over but thrive with each Critism.

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X