Feeling under valued

Have you ever felt as if your world has tumbled? Well I worked in a call centre and I had been there for a long time and would train new agents and one day one of the actual Trainer asked for my advice only for a manager tell him to not ask me as if I didn't know anything. 

She would ask me for help, so I was like okay and kept my distance. 

I have seen people moral go within a instant because this particular person could be very two faced. She was a manager and before she said the above felt we had a good work relationship. 

I couldn't get it out of my head and in the end I was made redundant like many but I thought really like saying "Stuff you", but I decided not to and forgot about it.

Should I have said something? I just hate confrontation and so just let it go. 

This was not just one experience and one time someone made me feel undervalued I decided to say something. Was it the right thing? At the time it was and felt no I am going to speak up for myself and so can you. It not right to be treated badly. Be seen incapable when you've worked your butt off. 

It is not how you treat people and one manage was good because he'd always pulled then aside to speak to them, not shout and was still respectful. People make mistakes and rather then help, feel it okay to go mental because of it.

If somebody is doing something wrong then show and teach. Let them ask questions and listen to what someone has to say. I often find myself talking over the other person so now I no sit back and listen and catch myself when I am about speak and teaching children about handling situations it has to begin from our own actions and make people feel valued and I hate seeing people being mistreated. 

There is no need to scream and shout. Keep your voice firm but not get in their face, throw things around and just calmly chat. I knew someone I'd go for a drink with and had a discussion and then use it against you at work. 

Leave the outside discussions to one side. Remember people are human and that we all deserve to be treated respectfully and dignity.

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X  

Things That People Say and do online

I have always found that being seen as sexual quite uncomfortable. There was a time when I felt it was good to be sexy and admired people who showed off their bodies but for me I like to leave some things to the imagination and one of my friends said to me "Men like a woman they can introduce to their mothers". 

I remember it being a "Yes" moment. I see that. I don't want to be out there. I have been given unwanted attraction online when I was innocently posting on Instagram clothes on, taking part in a charity cause. There were guys it seems making fake accounts and women may I add, saying very inappropriate sexual things and asking me for my email and wanting to to message me. It wasn't one it it was about 20 or so within about hour or so one night on holiday. I don't want to be seen as sexy. Its not me. I want to be seen as a woman who is doing good deed and it made me feel very uncomfortable. 

There are women and men who are comfortable with it getting sexual attention but I am not. It's not that I don't like compliments its just the way it is said and its from random people who have no idea who I am and I just felt so conscious of myself and what I share. I can see how easy it is when young people are groomed. There are some disturbing people out there and I feel with social media you can be an easy target. 

It is good to be proud of your body but I want to have some privacy and be known as a good and kind person not as a sex symbol and it has made me realise how I feel about people looking at me. It opened my eyes to how people can misinterpret something and what you wear to the world have implications to unwanted attention. 

Should we care about what we are wearing? I feel it is up to you and if you feel comfortable then fine but for me I am not comfortable with that and I suppose I am drawing too much attention to it but it has really effected me and has altered my mind in what I share as this happened when sharing selfies and thought it was be a great thing to show me doing squats for charity in clothes may I add but the online world is becoming a mean world and I do feel social media is still not acting on these issues of the online world. These people are using it to scam, be unkind. It has really a vulnerable place and can affect your confidence.

Let me know how you feel about posting online and what you feel about sharing online. You can leave a comment below. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Embrace Your Life and Yourself

There was a time I hated my style. Looking in my wardrobe I felt I had nothing to wear and found it hard to get out of bed. I wouldn't bath because we'd have to wait for the water to heat up and didn't have a shower back then.

One of the places I like to walk a local park in Epsom and looking at the flowers

I was looking at myself whilst out recently and I really loved my style. 

There are times I do still question what I look like and compare. 

Since working on my mindset I will instantly snap myself out of it. I make an effort and do my skincare, I will brush my hair and make sure I brush my teeth. It is that simple. 

I like putting outfits together and buying less. I like good practical but nice looking footwear. I do wear make up and have a quick routine but have no make up days but still moisturise and love facial sprays.

For me they are like a wake up tonic for my face.

I am making changes with my shopping habit, by no o longer investing in cheap clothes from amazon. I have found that they often are made quite badly and buy from the Highstreet again or charity shops. I focus on longevity and condition. 

I do stay active and walk everyday and do weights. In the summer I like to go swimming and playing sports with my son and it mentally stimulates my mind and body and worked on a good bedtime routine and that has made a huge difference on how I feel about myself and not feeling good about myself was draining. 

So in a journal write about your feelings. I have never enjoyed journaling so much than a do now and has really been helpful and what I want my ambitions are. I am having so much fun these days and I make sure when I rest I rest and have some social interaction, enjoy my home and organising the house.

I like to walk around where there is nature and go for a coffee and just having that time not rushing, being outdoors and love a pond, lake or river. 

I love that I have legs that can walk, I can see and hear what is around me and just thankful of what I have and not what I don't and what I like about myself and my life. 

It isn't about doing 5 mile walks but just for 10 to 30 minutes a day. 

It has made such a difference. 

So embrace yourself and your life and something not working then journal and go through why. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Handling The Nerves/Hearing yourself Speak

I remember when I heard myself for the first time. My friend had a camcorder and I was shocked by hearing myself and the fact that it was cringing, was an understatement. 

Then when I heard Diana speak and how she had elocution lessons made me feel that I am not the only one who suffered with nerves when speaking out. So did her Great Father law the Queens father and had help with speaking to world and the whole of Britain and it can really effect your confidence and I hated the way I spoke. 

Yet as a young girl, performing in shows as I had dancing lessons and did performances in school and the dance teacher would put a yearly show and I loved it and I wasn't nervous at all and it is strange that when I heard myself, I wanted to be invisible and then as I began to do Youtube videos I got used to it. I found myself say "You know" like a thousand times and er and um. 

I used a Dictaphone to practice speaking and began to laugh at my voice. I had the micky taken out of my voice because I'd stutter and would laugh but deep down it was affecting me and began to move away from that. People will think that it is just a joke but when it does make you want to hide away you know that these people will continue and when I would give back they didn't like it and I suppose they felt that it made then feel better. 

I mean some of it was funny but when I felt, when I stammered, like I wanted to go home and glad that I lost contact with them. My real friends would be supportive. It was work colleagues and we did have fab times but when you feel them smirking and felt uncomfortable, I decided to lose contact. I suffer with social anxiety and I now work on Hospital radio and I actually love it and really has helped with my confidence. 

I heard myself sing and I didn't think I was too bad and no I will never be Charlotte Church or Katherine Jenkins but wasn't like a cat screaming as I thought and I do get nervous doing my show but enjoy it at the same time and I love music and as a child I wouldn't always speak. Talking has always been a struggle and when someone would talk to me either my mum or brother would talk for me and now my son does the same when someone talks to him and so I encourage and he is never rude, he still learning about conversation and I feel he will struggle talking in front of others but again it is a skill that can grow and being around the right people. 

I mean David Beckham I remember hearing on Match of the Day for the first time and he had the micky taken out of him and I felt he handled it impeccably and I am sure it bothered him. I mean he is human. He took it and spoke via his skill in football and that is often the best way. 

So if you find it a shock when you hear your voice then one tip is, to find a song that you can listen to and sing to, record your voice via your mobile phone and read. That is what has helped me and I loved acting. That really did helped and enjoyed being in shows and plays.  

So use your voice, never hide away. That is not the answer and your voice is just as important to listen to, as the next person. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Building Your Social Confidence

This something I've had to work on. I do still get nervous when meeting with people. I like to rehearse in my head of what to say and talk about. 

I have had a embarrassing moments when chatting. I almost choked once eating a bit of cake and gagged and forgot what I wanted to say and just felt so self aware of trying to talk and nothings coming out and could end up spitting cake at the people I was talking to.

There have been times where I have stuttered, yet when working in a Call Centre was fine with what to say, it came to me naturally. I can take a joke and had people take the mick out of my voice but deep down making me feel so self conscious and been afraid to speak. 

I do feel a lot better now. Yes I still stammer and will talk fast and in a job interview once and kept interrupting and saw the look on the other persons face. My mind often goes at a such a pace that my voice can't always keep up. 

My the colour of my teeth. At school I had yellow teeth from drinking to tea and so the dentist advised me to cut it down. I never knew that the Queen Mother had bad teeth and not that I feel that is okay but was able to handle and change my teeth so they are white. 

My height would affect me as I am petite but gotten a way with paying child fare up to my twenties and no exaggeration and would feel bad but I would be honest but they'd say no and allowed me to pay child fare and tickets when I was with my friends at the Rugby team I used to follow. This, going to sports events has helped me be find in social situations,

I'd have the micky taken out of me but it was funny and really came out of my shell. 

So it can be around the wrong kind of people, who just like the sound of their own voice and had people talk down to me. I was in one job and one of my colleagues kept answering for me when talking to other colleagues and it really was bugging me. 

I could act in front of people and dance, but reading out in front of people can be my worst nightmare. 

When I am doing my radio show I write a script to help me when speaking and I am okay with it.

The worse thing is to avoid socialising, but find a way to control the fear and it can get better. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

 

How Much Should You Share- Body Confidence- Online- Messaging and Trolling

I am watching the New Reality Show, The Prince Diaries who is Peter Andre and Katie Price's daughter and she shares a message to her friend, in her show and her dad, about guys on Social Media sending her inappropriate messages and I have had that too, or asked if they can call me and chat to me directly, yet I am not a reality star. Not saying that I disagree with Reality shows, but that even I innocently posting a selfie, too help my confidence, and fully clothed, was getting weird men wanting to hook up. I now block and have become more vigilant about what I post. 

There are two sides of this. That you, 

• Shouldn't be showing others yourself online if you don't want inappropriate messaging. Like those who are sending these messages, have the right to so
• Adding filters to your selfies, is the cause
• Showing images of yourself naked whilst pregnant or a friend I knew from when working at Butlins, showing pictures and writing a message of her daughter that had sadly passed away, is. wrong

I have no judgement on that, the human body is amazing and celebrating peoples lives, of people no longer in the world, to raise awareness and get support from others, is up to the person. I never really worried about my body when I was pregnant, but wouldn't have the confidence to show my body whilst pregnant or at all.

I think as long as you keep yourself safe and you are aware of other peoples views, then it is up to you. 

If you share a picture of a love one, can help others feel they aren't alone and can get help with helping others, then it can be a great asset to post on online. 

Then there is trolling and bullying and it can lead to that. 

My one bit of advice is, make sure your on guard, that if anything comes up, you don't entertain them.

With Princess (Peter Andrea and Katie Price) daughter has always been in the limelight and grown up with cameras in her face, and that can add pressure and insecure. I think about Karen Carpenter and she began to be affected by horrible reports in the News Papers. 

Being in the headlines and living with celebrity parents, people can be extra unkind, when I worked in a call center and helped people through the chat service, could be so much ruder and unkind. I was threatened, called names and told that I should get run over by a train. As a kid I wanted to be famous, but I know now, if I had been from a young age, it would have affected me, in terms of insecurity and damage, a lot more because I already had insecurities. 

I am glad that there was no social media back when I was a child. Yet people were unkind still growing up in the 80's, in newspapers, sporting events and Miss World competitions. There were page three girls, Miss World, Ring Girls and Playboy. 

Then you had String fellows, with Topless dancing and nude modeling. 

As a Temp I worked in a Porn Magazine company, processing invoices and met a girl there who I'd known since a kid and they were local women. Then you had the Supermodel, Kate Moss, Claudia Schiffer and Cindy Crawford. Were these models showing too much? Is it exploitation like Ring girls or Topless Models? 

Should they get attacked and have strange people sending obscene messages? 

I think personally that more should be done. I also think that it is not just men. I have had girls on  Twitter asking if they can meet me and yet I would post about music, TV I have watched and I did report and not had anything for a while.

So where should we draw the line? 

Please share below. I'd like to hear your views. 

I think that social media sites should instantly get the law involved. I like the fact that there are organisations stopping Hackers, but we also need to crack down on trolling and inappropriate messages. I do think it should be an offence and they should have a system where they are instantly blocked those who trolling, bullying and being obscene online, so they can't access anything.

Summary

• Be on guard 
• Report straight away
• Block 

I hope you find this blog helpful and you can put Parental Controls on sites and change your Privacy settings too.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X