As if life was really that way/triggers of low self esteem feelings

I would love to be cured of my constant jabs at myself, but I have done this so much through my life to know that as much as I want those thoughts will soon creep back in if i don't act upon it. 

Since being in my 40's I have seen a lot of change in myself. I now am proud to be me and it has taken a long time to feel that way. 

Today I noticed my facial hair that I get just above my mouth really gets at me, thank god for skincare tbat I have a way to control it and for it to go and isn't really a lot but it makes me very self concious. 

If only there was a pill I could get to help prevent the growth of it. I would definitely take it and in fact I would think about having lazer treatment but that costs a lot so I have bought some disposable trimmers and did the treat to get rid of it. 

I am listening to a Paul McKenna book about confidence and has a lot of hyponsis tips in it, and gonna listen to it in a minute and found that his books are great to help me when having a down day about myself. Just being able to salute myself is a step forward and have been tried doing Mel Robbins The High Five Rule and go it ready to listen to on audio but been watching her videos that she has been making so you don't need to purchase the book, and it does help. 

when it comes to confidence I find when I am in a comfortable place I will make a coffee or a cup of tea without fear, but if it someone I don't know and worried about the atmosphere my low self esteem sets in and feel like I wish to be invisible at times. 

People think that you are not socialable but I am. As a kid I loved it when a whole group of us family and friend would go on holiday together because they were people I known from since a child and knew without being fearful. As a kid I would often be shy around family and could never workout myself why that is. 

Lacking confidence becomes a habit that is hard to break, but doesn't mean it can't be done and you can change, as I now see that it is a form of protection, and measuring the good with the bad. 

You can move on and to do that spend time to create new special things in your world, if it is a new make up rather than the some all the time or a scented candle when having a bath or reading a book. 

Is life how you make it? I am not sure now as I think mapping it out is better and go through, that was the passed, this is now and this is what is next. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X