Being Confident/What it means to me

What is being confident?

For me it is about having a low or good level of feeling it is good to be me or not. I have learned a lot of "It isn't as it seems". What I mean by that people who seem confident, aren't. 

Everyone can lack confidence but not show it. I found my confidence when it came to dancing and playing sports. Writing is my bestfriend and it was forgotten about for a long time, and now is what I love to do each day. I have lived a lot in an imaginary world, believing that I would be famous one day. That was my goal as a kid. Now I like privacy but sharing parts of myself that can help others. Hence why I created this blog. 

It took a while to get started, with that my Mentalhealth that effected my confidence took over. I dreamed another life, because I felt unfulfilled with the life I have had, and created different story of a life that wished I had lived. My confidence was from feeling like the odd one out, but looking at my life now that I am in my 40's I feel more awake of the life I have lived so far. 

Confidents is something you build as you grow, and can be knocked as you build it up. 

I feel my anxiety effects my confidence and I doubt myself all of the time and question myself. Not just now and then, but all of the time. 

I hate feeling this way. I want to have a good life and one that is fulfilled. I want a good level of happiness and be able to deal bad times, and take responsibility of what I do to help build myself, that will continue to boost my confidence and help others do the same. Yet my life has been good. My parents would encourage me and my brother to have hobbies. My brother did judo and played football. I did dancing and joined in drama groups and clubs. 

Later in life I did running. Took part in many running and walking charity events, and I got into going to Rugby League, by a friend of mine and had such fun. So it is all about how you see your love and how you see yourself and not go over all the bad that happened, and focus on the good, and continue to build and build until I can say, "You've done all right" and do what makes me feel good and will continue to build my confidence and changing how I see my life and making a difference to others too. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X