Changing The Way You Feel about yourself

I no longer feel ashamed to be me, when I would look in the mirror thinking "Who the hell are you?" and having total different feelings of how I looked in my head to the image I saw in the mirror and not liking any of who I was. 

It has taken a long time to be comfortable in my own skin and accepting myself, building my life to follow my dreams, concentrating on my health and my wellbeing. 

Having fun with clothes and like to change my style as I get bored, to help and been trying to eat more healthy foods, as I have had battles with my weight which has affected my confidence and being happy about myself and exercise. 

Becoming a mum, I knew I had to change my mindset for him as I wanted him to like his body and bring the best out of him and be confident with himself and when having a child, your body changes and you have to grow up and fast. It changes you whole life and being pregnant can affect you, but the fact that we can carry a child, is something to be proud of and have a vessel that can do that. 

Men can feel bad about themselves, take Pete Burns who was in the band Dead Or Alive and I thought he was super hansom, but it is a personal thing and had an amazing voice, and it is all what's going on, on the inside and I worked with a woman who didn't like her boobs so had a boob job, yet I said to her, if I ever looked like her I'd never feel bad about myself. 

So on the surface it appears that someone is confident, but hide it and suffer in silence. 

The one person who I think about is Karen Carpenter she had Anorexia and started by comments in the press about her size, that it began and she was beautiful and had a voice of an angel but starved herself and she had some much more to give and having it myself I see her and think I don't wanna to die young, which she did and so I educated myself with food and diet and I love food now, not binging but enjoying my meals and still needs work but I want to live for my son and for myself. 

Please talk about it as we can feel alone and you can build your relationship with yourself so you feel good about you and noone can love you more, than how you love yourself. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Its okay to be different in this world

Watching on Prime Video a documentary about the Footballer called, Peter Crouch, it was quite hard to watch, because being a fan of soccer, I criticised him too. 

He had trouble with confidence being so tall and slim, standing out amongst players who weren't seen as different and looked to him, normal height and it also opened to the fact I was the opposite I hated being so small. 

I now see after battling with my self image that it is okay to be different. It is what makes you unique and yes like Peter Crouch he had to work harder to succeed in football, but paid off when he was struggling at Liverpool FC which he joined from Southampton, and played many games not being able to get a goal, until suddenly, as he kept trying, began to score for them and also for England FC too. 

The world can feel so daunting and that everything is stacked against you. When you look different to what we perceive others as normal, when actual fact they can lack confidence too, you can feel like a misfit and not want the world to see you. In fact, those who appear to be normal, may also have confidence issues, and you don't see it because many disguise it and you'd be surprised when it comes to people who appear super confident, but aren't.

I think about those who would give everything to have the perfect body, and have constant cosmetic surgery, like Katie Price, yet to me she was beautiful without all that surgery. On TV she appears super confident but for me she appears to be quite vulnerable often because of judgement of others had been through broken relationships, has a disable son, who has been targeted  by trolls, and part of that was because of what she did for a living, being a page three girl and I would hear guys I work with talking about her in a negative way. 

Just because it appears you have it all, doesn't mean your not human and be called all the names under the sun can take it tolls no matter on how tough you are. I've been called names and doubted by others and it can be hard to hear. Now I am in forties I feel like I am the strongest I've ever felt and had some challenging times, but got to the otherside, and feel good that I was able to get through challenges that came my way and faced life head on. 

So never give up and it is good to be different. Use it to build you, not knock you down. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X