I felt this yesterday evening when I was getting my son to go to bed, whilst I had a quick shower, because instead of my side being taken and supporting me, I was told me off as if I was doing something wrong.
All I wanted was to have a shower, and my son needs to know that he can have mum time, but mum needs her time too. I had been looking after my son for most of the day and just wanted to freshen up.
Feeling worthless and that noone is on your side is very diminishing and soul destroying, and you feel like no matter what you do it's never going to be good enough and worthy enough.
Sometimes you do have to be careful as to how you treat those close to you, because they can appear to be strong, but are dying inside and that is how I felt last night, I just felt completely alone and not worth supporting.
I did argue back and said how I felt, but I was told to shush and it is so hard when you want to yell out and noone wants to hear you.
It isn't right that you have one rule and everyone else has a different one, because we all get tired and children can be demanding and they need to know their boundaries.
As a parent I do feel like I am constantly getting it wrong, and I need some support and I feel like I am not getting that and whenever my son does something wrong I am always to blame.
I am always the one in the wrong and that just makes me feel like I just want to disappear.
I don't feel good about myself a lot anyway so when someone makes you feel you are to be blamed all the time, it can feel like, why am I here then?
Being a parent it can feel like everyone is better at it than you, and what you say doesn't mean a thing.
Sometimes the world can feel like it is constantly against you and that you have no rights, but everyone has rights and should be able to say "I am no happy and this is why" without being told to shush and not wanting to listen.
Many thanks for reading,
Carrie X
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