This was not the blog I was going to write, but I feel I need to, because having struggles with confidence, it has, and I have talked about this in my other blogs, it has continued with me and I am forever doubting myself, questioning everything I do, because of others questioning me, and feeling like, even though there are people who care, they just don't quite get it, or me.
I am not looking for sympathy or even a magic wand, I just sometimes need a ear to listen, not give judgement or a solution, but someone to just listen to me.
Talking today with my friends about school, and how I felt thick on some days especially when it came to subjects like Maths and wanting to be invisible, because I dreaded it when we would have to do a Maths test, it just was my worst nightmare because I couldn't do it.
When you feel like that you do feel somewhat alone and as if I don't really belong there.
My grades at school were I would say average compared to other girls in my class, as I went to all Girls School for my Secondary school and completely mucked up my R.E (Religious studies) exam as I had answered the wrong set of questions, but I found this courage in me when this happened, and told myself "I'll be okay and not the end of the world" and from sharing my experience with lack of confidence, sometimes you find it through courage and acceptance. I accepted that I would never be an A Star pupil, but my grades when I left school, weren't that bad either, and so if you are teenager in secondary school or at university, if you don't get the grades you wish for, don't let it bring you down, but see it as something to work towards so you can be an A star, just learn at your own pace, rather than under pressure.
When it took my GCSE I was the only one in my year to get "U" in Maths, which is basically a no-pass, but I ended up in my second job I did, work in accounts and had to learn basic maths to do the job. So never allow exam results dictate your life, but things you need to work on or perhaps find a subject you do like and thrive in that instead.
Life is about choices and I kinda see my Maths result I got in my GCSE's as a award, because I was the one and I feel like "Yeah okay I'm honoured" no one else could have beaten that. I know some may say "Why" if it is a bad result, but the one thing that has helped me through my life is having humour and it still drives me forward today.
Having a good sense of humour can help wonders with your confidence, because if you reflect on comedy, most comedies are based on sad stories, like Phoebe in friends, she had a sad childhood, but yet her character is very funny.
So why can't you have humour about your life? Does it need to be all seriousness?
Of course not and so if you lack confidence you can find ways to get through it, to help you be more confident, it just needs to be what makes you happy, as long as it is not hurting anyone, and makes you life feel more fulfilled.
I hope you found this blog to be helpful and I will post again as of next week.
Many thanks for reading,
Carrie X
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