Being Comfortable In Your Own Skin

FIND WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY! IGNORE HATERS.

I have talked about this before, but I want to talk about it again, as I do still cringe when I see myself in the mirror at times, and there is a line in the, Bruce Springsteen song Dancing in the Dark, "I want to change my clothes, my hair, my face" and I sing this out, because, yes I do feel this way sometimes, and have, Changed my clothes, my hair and did think about my face too.

I went through a faze of changing my hair colour, wanting to be tanned and get rid of what was known as "Puppy fat", that I had as a kid. 

Then once going through my clothes one day, I realised that I was slimmer than what I had realised, as I found a skirt that I bought to be part of a suit, as I had a jacket to go with it aswell, and wore it when I was 12 at my Cousins wedding, and was a size 6.

Eyes and mirrors can be deceiving at times, and I used to hate trying clothes on, in Fitting rooms in high street stores and I would get very upset and give up and go home. 

The one thing I am going to do whenever I feel ugly, I am going to put together some pictures of myself, where I know I have looked okay, and for me to see that actually I don't look terrible and have looked good.

I have listened to those that have put me down, for their own satisfaction and to make themselves feel good. It is hard to take that at times, but once in secondary school, when one girls tried to do this a lot, I then turned on her and did the same, to see if she liked it and no she did not, and cried, because if your gonna dish it out, you then should be able to take it back. 

Ignore haters. I do say this a lot, because repetition helps it go in your head and stay there. They will always be around, unfortunately, but honestly they do this, for one reason, because they actually telling you something negative about them, and that is, that they are so insecure and jealous and are the ugly ones because of this and not you.

Being comfortable in your own skin takes time, if you have been bought up with parents who are insecure about their looks too, it can be passed down. I have changed being a mum, because I see it from my son's eyes and try to do this a lot, as he doesn't see size when he looks at me, he sees me as his mum who loves him out of the world, and that is important and loves you no matter how you look.

Do what ever helps. If you feel make up will give you a boost of confidence then wear it, and I do. Not all the time, but it does help me see that I can look good, even if I don't without it, I do like smart clothes and do like to be smart casual. 

I do spend a lot on skincare and use different scented haircare products, I do read self help books, and listen to audio books and podcasts, whenever I get a chance. There is a brilliant on called, Doing it scared, by Ruth Soukup. If you register on her site, she sends them to your email, on a weekly basis.

There is a brilliant book by Vern Cotton about being happy:

Happy: Finding joy in every day and letting go of perfect 

Do what makes you happy, don't put pressure on yourself, because you do what I have done a lot is compare yourself or felt pressure by images online, and look through photos, and find the one that makes you the most happy. Enlarge it, put it in a frame and onto a wall, so when you feel down about yourself, look at it and see, you are beautiful and you don't have to be a super model, or have a super body to look good, because you already do.

Please check out my blog on the related site to this one, about Living a More Productive life 2021

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

P.S: Please check out my Just Giving page of the charity I am raising money for, called Tommy's. They support and raise awareness of Stillbirths and Premature births. 

I have added new videos to my Youtube channel, so if you would like to see these then please go ahead, in this link:

https://www.youtube.com/user/cazzacheers1

Please check out more of my blog sites I have, to read more posts I write weekly and daily via this link and check out this video I put together:

https://www.carriesblognetwork.squarespace.com 

When friends go against you

I have learned this year that those who pretend to be your friends are the ones that don't stand by you when you are down, but feed of you when they are. They like listening to themselves only and go on and on about how they do this, do that and everything else, but not an inch interested in you.

Their smile is fake, and love having drama in their life and blag it about. Okay so I talk about how I have battled with Mental Health, but there is stuff I never want to share, because I would rather keep some stuff to myself. 

I wrote my blogs to help and support others and not afraid to talk about having a bad day, but this year there is stuff that happened to me that I am not going to talk about in my blogs, because one I know there will be people holding it against me and won't believe me and think I am bad mouthing people, which I don't want to do, but talk about issues that others can identify with, but if a friend told me a private story I would keep it that way, and because I am not ready to discuss somethings and believe that everyone has the right to keep somethings between just themselves. 

I have discovered a whole new family, but I am not going to talk about their lives out of respect, but I do know that there are those that make out your their friend only to stab you in the back once you turn away from them. 

I did learn a lot about this year, and there are those that want to see someone commit suicide and don't like to see you do well for yourself, even though when it is them, they can't wait for you to listen.

Friendship for me is a two way street and if they are happy listening to you, then you should be interested in them. If they send you a birthday card, send one back to them. 

I see myself as a friend for life, but I am also now seeing it as some people to be happy, you have to turn your back on people that aren't truly supportive, and aren't really interested in you and have no real respect for you. 

I am not going to name names because I want to keep that to myself but they do know who they are.

So if you feel that someone is pretending to be your friend, but makes sneaky comment or talks about you horribly behind your back then they aren't worthy of friendship and only have their own interests at heart. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

When lacking of self-confidence can get the better of you

There are some days where I feel good and that I don't look too bad, but other times where as soon as I see myself in the mirror I am like "Bloody hell I look awful, that is not how I imagine me looking" and I really give myself a hard time.

Then I catch myself as I write about being positive and create good habits on my related site to this one (see link below) that do help me feel alright with myself and say "What is the matter with me, why am I shouting at me now when I felt alright two minutes ago?".

https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com

When lacking of self confidence gets the better of you, you just want to say to the critic in your head telling you, you aren't beautiful and you aren't worth looking at and you aren't the same person in the mirror that you imagine yourself in your head, and goes on and on, and I want to say "SHUT THE FUCK UP".

I know if a person in the street kept saying this to me I would want to do the quickest sprint ever away from him or her, or punch them in the nose. 

There are times where I think if I am not worried about the way I look, I worry in case I don't and the same cycle above begins again. 

I have now met the man of my dreams and I love him to the moon and back and we have been seeing each other for a while now, and he loves everything about me, which has given me such a lift that I can't put into words how much I love him too, and I just want to talk to him and kiss all day long. 

I wish I could see what he see's but lacking self confidence and telling myself I am not worthy of being a beautiful person and I will never be the super looking woman I want to me, has become a habit, and I do, do a lot of self development to help me over come these thoughts, but they still have a sneaky way of creeping back in, and I wish that I had a hammer to smash that lack of self confidence voice up and make it go away.

These Self Development Habits are for example:

• Writing in my journal 
• Going for a walk 
• Having a healthy meal 
• Buy clothes that suits the colour of my skin and fits my shape
• Wear some make up for a change 

Dealing with your Self-confidence is something you do need to face head on to stop it from being there and another way I do this, which can also be included in this, is what I have often neglected doing, some self care. This can be from reading a Romantic Novel or a chick flick, watching a movies and painting your nails, washing your hair or using a lovely scented shower gel and then rubbing oil into your skin. It can be anything that makes you feel, "Okay I am not that bad, and I do feel good about myself now". Self care is essentially is giving you back your wellbeing to feel confident about yourself again and doing something for you, rather than worrying about other people all the time.

I love my son, but I did find when I was married to my first husband and becoming a mum, that I often lost my identity and who I was. This has come back and shown me that I can still be a mum, a wife again hopefully some day, that I can still have my identity its just got to be with the right people. 

The positive side of being a mum is you start to see things from their eyes, and they aren't going to say "Oh mum why haven't you washed your hair?" they don't care, and when you are happy they will feel happy too, and I don't want my lack of self-loath to effect him, and for him to feel the same. I want my children to all be happy with themselves. 

So if you have these moments of lack of self confidence getting the better of you, and you have ways in which have helped you overcome it, then I would love to hear from you. You can leave a comment below. 

Have a wonderful Friday and weekend, and I will be back with two more blogs next week.

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Building onfidence through fashion

Hello and welcome to another self confidence blog. 

Can you build confidence through fashion?

Yes, yes, yes, and yes I do believe in retail therapy as long as it doesn't break the bank balance and you still budget, then yes it can be the best form of building you self confidence. I buy most of my clothes from Amazon, Newlook, Dorothy Perkins and Very. I also like shopping in Charity shop, but be aware not all of the money you spend in some of these shops, actually go to the charity.

Since the days where Amazon just mainly sold electrical equipment and books, have expanded into fashion that I will do a Haul at some point, as I had quite a lot of credit on there and many of the clothes are good quality. I avoid sites like EBay, because some of the clothes on there look great in the picture, but not so great when they are delivered and you try them on. 

Fashion can help confidence when you take time to see what colours match your skin tone and your body shape. Yes comfort also is part of it, but I like to put a piece of clothing on and say "Yeah I don't feel so bad today". My confidence took a blow this year and as said in other posts, building self confidence is a working progress when you haven't felt good about yourself a lot through your life. 

I hate it when I look frumpy and out of shape. Create a vision of how you would like to look and write a list of clothes you would like to add to your wardrobe. I often go through my clothes to see what I still love to wear and don't. There are key pieces I like to have, one being a Denim jacket, a black pair of bootcut trousers and in the winter ankle boots, knee high boots, winter walking shoes if you are like me like to go for long walks to keep fit and active and good fitted winter jumpers and cardigans. 

Create a look book for yourself of different looks you would like to do, by putting together clothes and accessories you have already got and then via Pinterest or google docs for example, create other looks to go with items you wish to keep in your wardrobe.

What about make up?

I never wear this all the time and my love of my life, Lee loves me without it, but will put on at the weekends or if I am off out somewhere. Wearing too much make up everyday, can age you, and I am a believer you should allow your skin to breath. 

I never spend much on make up at all. I only bought four things this year, as I allow my make up to last. Never store make up for too long though because of bacteria, that can harm the skin.

To build your confidence it is all about how it makes you feel within, aswell as the outside of you, and when I follow my skincare routine, put on a new piece of clothing it lifts me up and look forward to the day ahead, instead of wanting the day to be over as soon as it has begun.

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X