Testing your confidence

I have been having a real brain fog at the moment and forgetting simple things like I couldn't remember the name of working on radio a title of a Cher song, yet I sing it most days so to help going to do better planning for when I am working on radio. I work for Epsom Hospital radio as a volunteer and so it is important that I plan what I am going to play and say. 

Image of Epsom Racecourse where the Afternoon tea was held 

There is no auto queue and so it is you and the people listening and has really tested my confidence and each Friday before hand I feel I want to cancel but then afterwards I feel such a buzz, and it drives me mad, some people call their inner critic a name to address it. 

For me it is just so frustrating because I don't want to miss opportunities and be energized and not have that feeling of dread, and questions like, "Does anyone care that I am working on radio?", "What if the people listening don't like my voice?" as I had the micky taken out of me when talking front of my class at school and yet when I did drama and dancing I would be fine. 

I went to an afternoon tea on Tuesday and felt awkward not seeing anyone I know at first and then Ian found me and people did make an effort to come to talk to me and wasn't going to go because of my anxiety, and had to take my son to the hospital as he has had a flare up of eczema so wanted to make sure it was checked first as the doctor at my sons GP said it could be due to a burst blood vessel. 

So was looking at the time and trying to be optimistic, but thinking no not going to make it but my husband had finished early so I could go, so already committed myself and so glad I went. 

I am now anxious about this weeks shopping as after it being okay to be told I am not allowed to film in the supermarket we buy from, which was fine but feel like I was upping there clothes and food, to have it fall down on me and now worried about going in there. So waiting for my husband to call me to complete an online order. 

Life can get complicated, which I try to avoid but shit happens and you have to accept that not everyday is going to be as great as the last one but not being super negativity, and have a sense of peace and quiet and not allowing daily stresses to stop you from building your confidence. 

So our confidence can be tested, because of the negative voice in our minds, but doesn't mean we can't walk the plank and get to the otherside of our pessimism and feel good about ourselves and life experiences can make you stronger and resilient when our lives turns that can affect our confidence and feel good about ourselves and our lives. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X