Its okay to be different

There is a saying that "It is okay to be different as the world would be boring". How much of that is true?

It is. As a kid being different was judged if you were gay, of a different colour, small or quiet. I felt different but glad I was. Who wants to be the same as everyone else? Isn't it better to be original?

Madonna is one person I think about. She had her own unique style Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley and ABBA, Cyndi Lauper or Boy George. They stood out but was part of why they became big stars and had so many fans who wanted to be original too.

As a child I didn't like my size and a doctor was amazed of my height and told me about going to bed early as it helps with growth. I found that hard to go to bed early as I was a bad sleeper and still unsure if that was true or not. It was as if being a certain height was a real problem, but people are different shapes and sizes. 

It is hard to accept yourself when people see that it is a abnormality but look at the Late Barbara Windsor, Dolly Pardon and Judy Garland. 

I am okay with my height now. Yes I think a lot of people used it to feel bigger than me and I was made fun of but I just let them and moved on. The person who would make fun out of me wasn't exactly tall either and heard her so friends talk about her and turned out that they didn't like her either and was taggling on with them. 

Often the person who is taking the micky are doing it because it makes them feel good, because of their own insecurities and this girl told me she didn't like me and I replied "Good I don't like you either" and was great "I said well I stay out of your way and if you stay out of mine" and it was settled and was glad that I didn't have to pay her much attention. 

I don't mind people making fun out of me as often it was funny, as long as they can take it back. Or aren't sniggering behind your back.

I am not one to upset anybody but if someone is not your fan then there is no need for an argument and means move on and focus on the people who do like you and have your back. In fact this girl at school friends were alright with me, it was just her. 

She was the same with other girls not in her group and was just wanting to pick on someone. I am glad she wasn't a friend of mine. It didn't upset me that she didn't like me, in fact I admired her honesty. I have had those who pretend to like me only to find out they've been talking about me behind your back and it happened when I was working for a national TV Station as a Temp and the girl I was working with was so nice and we would chat, have lunch together, but then I heard her really complaining about me to the managers and I did get fired and realised why they kept having a new assistance, working with this girl because she was not nice. So I went on my Merry way and moved on. 

Often people who are tough on the outside are actually not on the inside and why she was like she was, because she didn't like the job either and moan about them to me and they were all talking behind each others back. 

I don't want to be the same but be me. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Be Proud Of Yourself and stop resentment

Take a pen and paper. Write down how you feel about yourself right now?

Go through your achievements and the people in your life, work, family and just reflect and what do you want to take from this?

There was a time where I felt I hadn't accomplished anything. I daydreamed continuously, of having completely different life. Being someone else and that there is always going to be someone better than me. 

Last night I listened to a new presenter on the hospital radio I work on now, do her show and it was so good but triggered my insecurity and could feel it rising and I felt a grudge. Why? Does she care? 

I feel that I have often seen life as a competition but all that does, is make me beat myself up even more.

Yet it also inspired me. The importance is to create entertainment for people in the hospital and outside and we all, do our own thing and made me see how important it is to me, that I have good feelings towards like minded people and not feel threatened.

Would she resent me? How would that make me feel?

Can I even ask that question because she has no idea that I feel pressure from her show and that she is there for the same reason I am, so why feel resentment when we do the same job? 

From experience it is my problem not hers and. 

Do I want to see her fail? 

mess up and quit? 

Or actually use it to learn instead?

The one thing I need to stop doing is being super nervous about doing my show and proud that I actually used my ambition to work on radio and used my own initiative to apply to work on the radio, a job I had always dreamed about and to make new friends and not feel any negative feelings.

She should feel proud of herself, being that she is new too, no matter how it makes me feel and that I do as a good job as she did and learning. 

I want to be the best that I can be, but I need to not being so self scented. I made it about me and not that she is trying to deliver a show to override mine, she's just doing what I do, but feel proud that I have been doing a good show too and that we all work on hospital radio, to grow the station and that the shows we do, are enjoyed.

I enjoy it, so have to remind myself of that. I love the fact that I am in control of it and have fun with it too. I feel proud that I know a lot of music, that it is step to having a career I love and work on my own feelings and thoughts. 

Feel good for others. Someone I heard in a podcast with Boy George and he said "Do I want people to see me as rude and unkind?" I know what I will choose as I hate having bad feelings and not a jealous angry person who resents others, but respectful and want to see other achieve their dreams and why I write these blogs and please share if you have any thoughts on this blog.

You can put a comment below and subscribe or follow if you like to read more. It is free to do so.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X