Focusing On Our Body Shape

We are all different shape and sizes. It can get us down. I was always giving myself a hard time. I would focus on everything that was wrong with me. I wanted shape but didn't feel I had the shape that a woman was supposed to have and felt like I didn't belong in the Pretty category. I was the ugly duckling. 

After I completed Parkrun

I then at secondary school was told by a girl in my class saying I had a good figure. This was back in Secondary school where we'd dress in a shared changing room. I was unfit, had what is known as puppy fat and suffered with dry skin. I found it hard to tan when on holiday having such fare skin and would burn. 

Since seeing Nigella Lawson who was is fair skinned and curvy made me feel a, and lot better and since then Pamela Anderson who now wears no make up, because it is up to you to decide. I would get upset when I was challenged when it came to me not looking my age, as I looked so young, but then a friend said to me "I know you don't like it now, but when you get to my age" which she was ten years older than me and in her 30's she said "You'll see it as a complement" and she was right. 

There has been controversial subject about should they have ladies who are what some people would consider, were large, modelling clothes and having large size clothes. There was a debate about Dove Advert, which pictured different size women, to help people have body confidence. For me it is about inspiring and being healthy. I am not super skinny or large, but do pay attention to what I consume that has a negative effect. Like seeing people starving themselves to be a different size. I had an eating disorder and then had type 2 diabetes years later and it was my worst fear. That has changed and changed my medication as I have had psychosis, really bad bouts of depression and terrible anxiety, and now feel good. 

I watched Trinny and Suzanna, Gok Wan and Louise Pentland on Youtube and that our bodies are amazing machines that help us to walk, talk, eat, think and see. Not everyone has that and meeting people in disabled homes as one of my Uncles had a stroke, they never allowed themselves to be down. I made friends with girl named Sally and we wrote to each other. We lost touch but she was amazing. 

She wasn't skinny or overweight or was miserable. She was full of light, with the most nicest handwriting I had ever seen and she was full of life.

Now so many who would have been once overlooked and seen as odd are now in TV shows, comedians and successful athletes. Chris McCausland won strictly not because he is a certain shape but because he was good and blue everyone away watching him dance.

Be proud of who you are. If you want to lose weight then fine, but don't allow your insecurities stop you from living and that our bodies are shells that help us to live and I began to set myself challenges, find clothes that suited me and walk and exercise to keep me healthy and watch my blood sugar. That is the utmost importance and not my body shape. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X  

Self Development: Stop Self Neglect

I still get days like this morning where I have super bed hair, a coldsore on the side of my lip and feel like I could just hibernate in bed and do nothing. However I like to get dressed so I have developed a routine where I make sure I have something hot to drink, do a bit of reading and then go on my laptop and do a bit of writing and been watching the Jacksons who performed this new years and at 6:30am I get dressed for the day. 

One thing I like to do when my son is at school writing and planning in a local Coffee shop once a week

To feel good about yourself find a good mirror that flatters you and don't feel like tearing it down. Put a bit of make up on and brush your hair and make sure I brush my teeth twice a day which at one point I was not and it felt like self neglect. 

I no longer give myself a hard time about the way I look and thank Pamela Anderson for not wearing make up and that made me feel good as I do like make up but like make up free days too and she has made it okay to not wear make up. At the end of they day its up to you, but it is all about how you feel and what will help you feel better about yourself. 

This year is all about put myself more together as I do like to be smart aswell as dressing down on some days too when I want to do a workout, like dumbells and floor workout or walk on the treadmill, but still make myself presentable. 

I will be doing a Self Development programme on my Youtube channel Carrie Educational Youtube Channel and on my blog site, Everyone can build a castle. More to be confirmed.

It is all about investing in yourself and taking better care not to allow life to knock our confidence and we can often feel down when we spend our time looking at others and feeling like you don't fit in and that you'll never be good enough to compete and always being in competition, when it isn't about others it is about you. It is good to selfish. It is good to have some space from others and a friend of mine has just gone a solo trip and when I was a child there was a couple of my parents friends would go away just them and it is too just be on your own or your spouse and having that time can make a huge difference to your feel about you and your life.

I use the week when my sons at school to have time to go on a solo walk, have a coffee and weight training and floor workout, nice lunch and connect with others via my blogs and Youtube channels.

Now I do voluntary work on a Sunday and is like having time out to play music and has really made me feel good about myself. So stop neglecting yourself and do things that help you feel good to build your confidence.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Be Better than you already are and time to work on our Organisation habits

Yes I am having a good sort out thinking of ways to up my organisation and feel good about myself and loving the clothes I wear, my body and mind. There was a time I would hide myself because of feeling ugly and overweight and just criticising everything I did and who I was.

I felt that I wasn't good at anything and would stay in bed all day. It is good to relax and loved this Christmas, because I could get up later than normal and went for a Christmas walk and just allowed the day to just do what I wanted and not what I have to do. 

Having a day that is slow and a proper day of just taking it easy. I got into my Christmas pjs, with my son who had his on and so good to recharge the body. 

Being negative about myself became draining and so I knew I had to do something about it and I had to get out of bed and not waste another day. So I got organised and one trait I have is buying for comfort and how I got into debt, not just on clothes but love a notebook and on laptop that was temperamental and not even using half of what I own. I felt like I was missing out and is like comfort eating, but at the same time I do like clothes and restyling and trying different images to have fun with clothes.

I like to change my image as I do get bored and re-evaluate what I own, what gives me joy, following the Kon Marie method and like a hair cut and I want to wear more dresses and be a bit more feminine and tailored. 

I believe that what you own should grow with you and what you currently have that has a good valid reason to be in your life and not just stuff, because we feel that having a hundred jumpers is going to replace our feelings of south loath and find you look hideous and it stays in the wardrobe or another notebook sitting on your desk doing nothing. 

Use what you have, a moto I am following and has been a good moto, as it has stopped me spending on shower gels as I have had problems with my skin and got some which I am no longer going to use so going to give them away. 

It is good to recycle and makes me feel good in not adding to landfill and there are in many supermarket car parks have recycling bins and used these to recycle my sons shoes that no longer fit him and have done this my own shoes and clothes. 

So being organised and a declutter can do wonders with your confidence and re-invent yourself if you are not feeling good about yourself and be fussy so you get more for your money and nothing goes to waste which can affect your confidence and how you feel about yourself. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Worried About Not Being Good Enough

Do you ever feel that you are out of your depth? You continuously criticise yourself and worried about what other people think of you. You need to live by your own means and not someone else's life as people have different things going on in their life and beating yourself up needs to stop. 

As soon as I feel down I take myself away to a different environment or have a bath and do my skincare.

A picture from yesterday doing some writing in a local coffee shop.

I enjoy walking and going on walks up London or locally and have a coffee and do some writing and instantly makes me feel better. 

Going through my days I like to plan, set goals and this morning made pancakes for a change, with a cup of tea, working on my book and do a bit of reading, then did a walk on the treadmill. This was before my son set off to school and just doing things like  that helps me to forget about myself and that I am grateful for having hands, feet and got clothes to wear. 

Having a declutter can help you to feel better. I have been sorting out my bedroom in Epsom and seeing the results makes me concentrate on what is around me that makes me feel good, about not just by my body image, but things that give me joy like having a bed of my own, I will have closet I can hang my clothes on and wearing favourite clothing. 

Listen to feel good music. When I feel down all my life, have played music to help and create playlists and it gives me so much joy. It is good to have songs that say how you feel but make sense, along with writing down thoughts and restore my self belief. 

Reading certain books. I loved Bridget Jones and felt I could have been her, always wanting to lose weight and look for love in our lives, gets her heartbroken, but she realises that she made the wrong choice in terms of romance and then changes her job, realises someone she despises at first likes her, just as he she is and films like Dirty Dancing and that an ordinary girl attracts someone totally opposite to her and teaches her to dance, with a happy ever, ending.

So when having a down day about yourself then decluttering, journaling, reading and watching feel good films can change your thoughts about yourself, along with food. What will make you feel good and not guilty and can still be a comfort to eat. 

We put so much on our plates that we judge ourselves and so appreciate yourself and leave by your own means.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

 

How your period can affect your confidence

I was not ready when my period came at the age of 9 and changed the way I felt about my body. Watching and listening to a podcast on Youtube: Fearn Cotton Happy Place (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFf9BKDLsec) they were talking about it and I am glad woman are sharing because I read a book about it but I was not prepared and did sex education at school, but still was a shock and took a me a long time to adjust to this change in my body and felt embarrassed and it can make you feel groggy, bloated and just want to rest.

                                             

A lot girls can have painful periods and be super heavy and it was frowned upon, taking time off school because of it and I would begrudge fellow pupils myself, like "Well I have still gone to school" and gone home because of it, but going on how I feel now, it should be taken more seriously and should be allowed to take time off. Employees too. 

It made me afraid of wearing certain clothing as I would leak, so not wearing white and would be a lot heavier on some days, meaning having to wear three or four pads at a time and cause a lot of paranoia, and stress. 

The one thing I found hard was PE day and getting changed in front of each other, because for me I need that privacy and compassion, because your hormones are developing and feel extra stressed and agitated.

I couldn't get used to it. I feared it. Now I used to it, it's still not nice but no longer feel bad about my body. It is your body getting ready for adulthood and I do think there should be therapy available knowing what I know now and not suffering, thinking they are exaggerating as there are woman who can have real problems each month and for few years back, they would be super heavy, clotting and last a lot longer and was not able to walk without bleeding heavily and was afraid of moving. 

I was offered the coil but a bit fearful of it. There was any other options to take but began to change my diet and not sure if it was due to medication I was taken for my mental health, as I was having terrible anxiety. However they seem to be okay now and not lasting so long and under control.

It can effect your appetite and put on a bit of weight on. I am not scaremongering but being honest. I have been affected a lot by my menstrual cycle in terms of confidence and appearance and thinking I am the only one who found it so hard, but now I know it not just me who has had a hard time but celebrities are sharing and your not a freak with having to wear dark clothing all the time, not able to exercise because of heavy bleeding and not knowing what to do. It affected my energy and health and when unwell, I became anaemic and the doctor couldn't believe how long my period would last for and why the were so heavy and there wasn't much help available. 

Teaching about it I think is key. When I was at school mainly primary you had a school nurse, but once I reached my final year there that had all changed. I would bring them back, because it is knowing who to talk to about it and getting the right support and provide towels and tampons in schools. 

If you have had problems too with your periods and you want to share then please do. We need to help each other and young girls to help get the right support, as it can make you feel isolated and afraid of your body. We should be proud of our bodies and what it can do. It can mend it self and be okay, it was not knowing the full extent of what can happen when you begin period that affected me a lot.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Worried about not being good enough

You criticize yourself all of the time and worried about what other people think about you. 

If they do then they're not worth the attention and probably critical to others and yet they do it because actually using to hide their insecurities, which putting you down makes them feel better. 

Do you want feel good about yourself?

Draw a picture of yourself and what your ideal self looks like or write down all the things you are feeling and how person you wish to be is different. 

Image the ideal you by closing your eyes and look how they stand, what their habits are, how do they feel when the wake up in he mornings? 

What do they look forward to and what do they eat?

What's the first thing they do when they get up each day?

How do they dress?

Notice their hair and skin, their body language. Visualise ad bring this image closer an how their feelings of the world, who do they spend their time with?

Put the image somewhere, where you can see it and create a real vision as if you can touch it and work towards this ideal self and what one thing can you change right now. 

Check Paul McKenna books as this exercise can really work and has method where you reduce the person you are now and make bigger the person you want to become and just by doing one thing, like changing a morning habit, to make time for yourself to look after your body and mind, so you can be happy when you think and see yourself.

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Changing The Way You Feel about yourself

I no longer feel ashamed to be me, when I would look in the mirror thinking "Who the hell are you?" and having total different feelings of how I looked in my head to the image I saw in the mirror and not liking any of who I was. 

It has taken a long time to be comfortable in my own skin and accepting myself, building my life to follow my dreams, concentrating on my health and my wellbeing. 

Having fun with clothes and like to change my style as I get bored, to help and been trying to eat more healthy foods, as I have had battles with my weight which has affected my confidence and being happy about myself and exercise. 

Becoming a mum, I knew I had to change my mindset for him as I wanted him to like his body and bring the best out of him and be confident with himself and when having a child, your body changes and you have to grow up and fast. It changes you whole life and being pregnant can affect you, but the fact that we can carry a child, is something to be proud of and have a vessel that can do that. 

Men can feel bad about themselves, take Pete Burns who was in the band Dead Or Alive and I thought he was super hansom, but it is a personal thing and had an amazing voice, and it is all what's going on, on the inside and I worked with a woman who didn't like her boobs so had a boob job, yet I said to her, if I ever looked like her I'd never feel bad about myself. 

So on the surface it appears that someone is confident, but hide it and suffer in silence. 

The one person who I think about is Karen Carpenter she had Anorexia and started by comments in the press about her size, that it began and she was beautiful and had a voice of an angel but starved herself and she had some much more to give and having it myself I see her and think I don't wanna to die young, which she did and so I educated myself with food and diet and I love food now, not binging but enjoying my meals and still needs work but I want to live for my son and for myself. 

Please talk about it as we can feel alone and you can build your relationship with yourself so you feel good about you and noone can love you more, than how you love yourself. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X