Worried About Not Being Good Enough

Do you ever feel that you are out of your depth? You continuously criticise yourself and worried about what other people think of you. You need to live by your own means and not someone else's life as people have different things going on in their life and beating yourself up needs to stop. 

As soon as I feel down I take myself away to a different environment or have a bath and do my skincare.

A picture from yesterday doing some writing in a local coffee shop.

I enjoy walking and going on walks up London or locally and have a coffee and do some writing and instantly makes me feel better. 

Going through my days I like to plan, set goals and this morning made pancakes for a change, with a cup of tea, working on my book and do a bit of reading, then did a walk on the treadmill. This was before my son set off to school and just doing things like  that helps me to forget about myself and that I am grateful for having hands, feet and got clothes to wear. 

Having a declutter can help you to feel better. I have been sorting out my bedroom in Epsom and seeing the results makes me concentrate on what is around me that makes me feel good, about not just by my body image, but things that give me joy like having a bed of my own, I will have closet I can hang my clothes on and wearing favourite clothing. 

Listen to feel good music. When I feel down all my life, have played music to help and create playlists and it gives me so much joy. It is good to have songs that say how you feel but make sense, along with writing down thoughts and restore my self belief. 

Reading certain books. I loved Bridget Jones and felt I could have been her, always wanting to lose weight and look for love in our lives, gets her heartbroken, but she realises that she made the wrong choice in terms of romance and then changes her job, realises someone she despises at first likes her, just as he she is and films like Dirty Dancing and that an ordinary girl attracts someone totally opposite to her and teaches her to dance, with a happy ever, ending.

So when having a down day about yourself then decluttering, journaling, reading and watching feel good films can change your thoughts about yourself, along with food. What will make you feel good and not guilty and can still be a comfort to eat. 

We put so much on our plates that we judge ourselves and so appreciate yourself and leave by your own means.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

 

How your period can affect your confidence

I was not ready when my period came at the age of 9 and changed the way I felt about my body. Watching and listening to a podcast on Youtube: Fearn Cotton Happy Place (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFf9BKDLsec) they were talking about it and I am glad woman are sharing because I read a book about it but I was not prepared and did sex education at school, but still was a shock and took a me a long time to adjust to this change in my body and felt embarrassed and it can make you feel groggy, bloated and just want to rest.

                                             

A lot girls can have painful periods and be super heavy and it was frowned upon, taking time off school because of it and I would begrudge fellow pupils myself, like "Well I have still gone to school" and gone home because of it, but going on how I feel now, it should be taken more seriously and should be allowed to take time off. Employees too. 

It made me afraid of wearing certain clothing as I would leak, so not wearing white and would be a lot heavier on some days, meaning having to wear three or four pads at a time and cause a lot of paranoia, and stress. 

The one thing I found hard was PE day and getting changed in front of each other, because for me I need that privacy and compassion, because your hormones are developing and feel extra stressed and agitated.

I couldn't get used to it. I feared it. Now I used to it, it's still not nice but no longer feel bad about my body. It is your body getting ready for adulthood and I do think there should be therapy available knowing what I know now and not suffering, thinking they are exaggerating as there are woman who can have real problems each month and for few years back, they would be super heavy, clotting and last a lot longer and was not able to walk without bleeding heavily and was afraid of moving. 

I was offered the coil but a bit fearful of it. There was any other options to take but began to change my diet and not sure if it was due to medication I was taken for my mental health, as I was having terrible anxiety. However they seem to be okay now and not lasting so long and under control.

It can effect your appetite and put on a bit of weight on. I am not scaremongering but being honest. I have been affected a lot by my menstrual cycle in terms of confidence and appearance and thinking I am the only one who found it so hard, but now I know it not just me who has had a hard time but celebrities are sharing and your not a freak with having to wear dark clothing all the time, not able to exercise because of heavy bleeding and not knowing what to do. It affected my energy and health and when unwell, I became anaemic and the doctor couldn't believe how long my period would last for and why the were so heavy and there wasn't much help available. 

Teaching about it I think is key. When I was at school mainly primary you had a school nurse, but once I reached my final year there that had all changed. I would bring them back, because it is knowing who to talk to about it and getting the right support and provide towels and tampons in schools. 

If you have had problems too with your periods and you want to share then please do. We need to help each other and young girls to help get the right support, as it can make you feel isolated and afraid of your body. We should be proud of our bodies and what it can do. It can mend it self and be okay, it was not knowing the full extent of what can happen when you begin period that affected me a lot.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Worried about not being good enough

You criticize yourself all of the time and worried about what other people think about you. 

If they do then they're not worth the attention and probably critical to others and yet they do it because actually using to hide their insecurities, which putting you down makes them feel better. 

Do you want feel good about yourself?

Draw a picture of yourself and what your ideal self looks like or write down all the things you are feeling and how person you wish to be is different. 

Image the ideal you by closing your eyes and look how they stand, what their habits are, how do they feel when the wake up in he mornings? 

What do they look forward to and what do they eat?

What's the first thing they do when they get up each day?

How do they dress?

Notice their hair and skin, their body language. Visualise ad bring this image closer an how their feelings of the world, who do they spend their time with?

Put the image somewhere, where you can see it and create a real vision as if you can touch it and work towards this ideal self and what one thing can you change right now. 

Check Paul McKenna books as this exercise can really work and has method where you reduce the person you are now and make bigger the person you want to become and just by doing one thing, like changing a morning habit, to make time for yourself to look after your body and mind, so you can be happy when you think and see yourself.

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Changing The Way You Feel about yourself

I no longer feel ashamed to be me, when I would look in the mirror thinking "Who the hell are you?" and having total different feelings of how I looked in my head to the image I saw in the mirror and not liking any of who I was. 

It has taken a long time to be comfortable in my own skin and accepting myself, building my life to follow my dreams, concentrating on my health and my wellbeing. 

Having fun with clothes and like to change my style as I get bored, to help and been trying to eat more healthy foods, as I have had battles with my weight which has affected my confidence and being happy about myself and exercise. 

Becoming a mum, I knew I had to change my mindset for him as I wanted him to like his body and bring the best out of him and be confident with himself and when having a child, your body changes and you have to grow up and fast. It changes you whole life and being pregnant can affect you, but the fact that we can carry a child, is something to be proud of and have a vessel that can do that. 

Men can feel bad about themselves, take Pete Burns who was in the band Dead Or Alive and I thought he was super hansom, but it is a personal thing and had an amazing voice, and it is all what's going on, on the inside and I worked with a woman who didn't like her boobs so had a boob job, yet I said to her, if I ever looked like her I'd never feel bad about myself. 

So on the surface it appears that someone is confident, but hide it and suffer in silence. 

The one person who I think about is Karen Carpenter she had Anorexia and started by comments in the press about her size, that it began and she was beautiful and had a voice of an angel but starved herself and she had some much more to give and having it myself I see her and think I don't wanna to die young, which she did and so I educated myself with food and diet and I love food now, not binging but enjoying my meals and still needs work but I want to live for my son and for myself. 

Please talk about it as we can feel alone and you can build your relationship with yourself so you feel good about you and noone can love you more, than how you love yourself. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Its okay to be different in this world

Watching on Prime Video a documentary about the Footballer called, Peter Crouch, it was quite hard to watch, because being a fan of soccer, I criticised him too. 

He had trouble with confidence being so tall and slim, standing out amongst players who weren't seen as different and looked to him, normal height and it also opened to the fact I was the opposite I hated being so small. 

I now see after battling with my self image that it is okay to be different. It is what makes you unique and yes like Peter Crouch he had to work harder to succeed in football, but paid off when he was struggling at Liverpool FC which he joined from Southampton, and played many games not being able to get a goal, until suddenly, as he kept trying, began to score for them and also for England FC too. 

The world can feel so daunting and that everything is stacked against you. When you look different to what we perceive others as normal, when actual fact they can lack confidence too, you can feel like a misfit and not want the world to see you. In fact, those who appear to be normal, may also have confidence issues, and you don't see it because many disguise it and you'd be surprised when it comes to people who appear super confident, but aren't.

I think about those who would give everything to have the perfect body, and have constant cosmetic surgery, like Katie Price, yet to me she was beautiful without all that surgery. On TV she appears super confident but for me she appears to be quite vulnerable often because of judgement of others had been through broken relationships, has a disable son, who has been targeted  by trolls, and part of that was because of what she did for a living, being a page three girl and I would hear guys I work with talking about her in a negative way. 

Just because it appears you have it all, doesn't mean your not human and be called all the names under the sun can take it tolls no matter on how tough you are. I've been called names and doubted by others and it can be hard to hear. Now I am in forties I feel like I am the strongest I've ever felt and had some challenging times, but got to the otherside, and feel good that I was able to get through challenges that came my way and faced life head on. 

So never give up and it is good to be different. Use it to build you, not knock you down. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X

Summer holidays 2024

The School Summer holidays 2024 are in full swing and took my son up London and walked to Vauxhall. 

It has been testing as Henry wants to do so much and find it hard to keep up with him and has bags of energy. 

He also loves to eat and made sure I took some snacks with me and had a few coffees by the river and watching the world go by. 

My son Henry wanted to go to the London Aquarium which I felt guilty because I thought he had grown out of visiting Sealife and go for walks outside instead. It is good to go and see so promised we will go and see if we can make it a playdate as it is great to do as a group. 

I going to see if I can get money off when I book it and want to travel by bus as I like bus rides and so used to traveling via London Transport its what I have always known being a Londoner and walking too, my dad who worked in London would walk from Central London home and he used to walk so fast that I would be almost running. 

Tomorrow we are baking and packing up as we are going over to Wimbledon and hope the weather behaves itself so I can read my book in the local parks and go for walks, take a takeaway coffee and just chill. 

I hope I haven't jinxed it. The one place I love too is Battersea and would like to visit Covent Garden as I do love the street acts and there is an indoor market and the London Transport museum. From there you can get to Leicester Square and this leads on to Piccadilly Circus and Oxford street. 

There are a lot of Theatres from Tottenham Court Road and the Strand which is near Covent Garden and then there is Trafalgar Square and St James park,  Hyde Park and love having a coffee near the Serpentine. 

The other places is the Riverside Studios where they have shows and things on has a cafe to have a drink and sit by the river and Barnes is a nice spot too. 

If you wanted to venture out of London then check out Hampton and you can get a boat from Kingston to Hampton and one of my birthdays when I was a kid did that and went around the Thames and visited Hampton court and there is a maze that can entertain your kids with, and be quite competitive. 

The one thing I like is making discoveries of new places to visit, to eat and drink, meet people and love being by the river or water and taking in what is around me. 

So it is good to take a trip and given you ideas of where to go during the holidays and making the most of them.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Feeling Shamed by your lifestyle and body

There was a time, and reason why I began this blog, was because I would avoid looking at myself because I felt so ashamed and who would want to look at me? Yet realise that's there insecurities and they're having a pop at me because in some way releases their negative thoughts that they have of themselves. 

I still get a little self conscious when watching my videos because I don't wear a lot of make up, I am not super slim but then I ask myself is that important? and no, not saying those that do wear a lot make up, that I have a problem with it, not at all, but be happy with myself and stop thinking it makes me less of a person and enjoy looking after skin and now created a simple make up routine, gone for a no make up look because I do feel better having with a bit on and not affect my skin as I have had problems in the passed and keep it minimal. 

Its been like a long road, because it has taken a lot to overcome my negative thoughts about myself and take a lot of tears and sadness to feel better about myself and being grateful that I have legs that can walk and arms to feed myself, my hair and face. 

There are times where I hated fitting rooms and would make me feel awful and that nothing suited me, and that I had a terrible dry skin and there was a time when I was a child that I begged to have freckles and now I have a lot and makes me feel regretful that I wished that and that I should have been satisfied but no.

Listening to Jennifer Gray who was in Dirty Dancing had a complete transformation and it surprised as her image was epic and brilliant actress and couldn't imagine her not being baby and a part that was made for her. 

It is surprising that just because they are on TV the way the think of themselves is positive and can add to their unhappiness about themselves and body image and that it's not what you do, but the influences that are making you feel ugly and not good about yourself. I remember meeting up with work colleagues and they were so super tall that I felt so little and out of place and stopped meeting up with them as I just felt inadequate. 

Then there are emotional relationships where you feel under pressure because of the way you look and feel bad because I don't shave my legs all of the time and armpits and don't wear dresses all the time but now love my clothes and have fun with them and like wearing funky socks, with leggins and a fleece and just getting the most of the things that make me feel good about myself and not being serious about it. 

So stop the shame a live and go through your image and create a vision board and have fun with trying different make up, if you wear it and just let self image get you down and I think you are amazing and that beauty is within too and not just about the clothes and image.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X