Summer holidays 2024

The School Summer holidays 2024 are in full swing and took my son up London and walked to Vauxhall. 

It has been testing as Henry wants to do so much and find it hard to keep up with him and has bags of energy. 

He also loves to eat and made sure I took some snacks with me and had a few coffees by the river and watching the world go by. 

My son Henry wanted to go to the London Aquarium which I felt guilty because I thought he had grown out of visiting Sealife and go for walks outside instead. It is good to go and see so promised we will go and see if we can make it a playdate as it is great to do as a group. 

I going to see if I can get money off when I book it and want to travel by bus as I like bus rides and so used to traveling via London Transport its what I have always known being a Londoner and walking too, my dad who worked in London would walk from Central London home and he used to walk so fast that I would be almost running. 

Tomorrow we are baking and packing up as we are going over to Wimbledon and hope the weather behaves itself so I can read my book in the local parks and go for walks, take a takeaway coffee and just chill. 

I hope I haven't jinxed it. The one place I love too is Battersea and would like to visit Covent Garden as I do love the street acts and there is an indoor market and the London Transport museum. From there you can get to Leicester Square and this leads on to Piccadilly Circus and Oxford street. 

There are a lot of Theatres from Tottenham Court Road and the Strand which is near Covent Garden and then there is Trafalgar Square and St James park,  Hyde Park and love having a coffee near the Serpentine. 

The other places is the Riverside Studios where they have shows and things on has a cafe to have a drink and sit by the river and Barnes is a nice spot too. 

If you wanted to venture out of London then check out Hampton and you can get a boat from Kingston to Hampton and one of my birthdays when I was a kid did that and went around the Thames and visited Hampton court and there is a maze that can entertain your kids with, and be quite competitive. 

The one thing I like is making discoveries of new places to visit, to eat and drink, meet people and love being by the river or water and taking in what is around me. 

So it is good to take a trip and given you ideas of where to go during the holidays and making the most of them.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Feeling Shamed by your lifestyle and body

There was a time, and reason why I began this blog, was because I would avoid looking at myself because I felt so ashamed and who would want to look at me? Yet realise that's there insecurities and they're having a pop at me because in some way releases their negative thoughts that they have of themselves. 

I still get a little self conscious when watching my videos because I don't wear a lot of make up, I am not super slim but then I ask myself is that important? and no, not saying those that do wear a lot make up, that I have a problem with it, not at all, but be happy with myself and stop thinking it makes me less of a person and enjoy looking after skin and now created a simple make up routine, gone for a no make up look because I do feel better having with a bit on and not affect my skin as I have had problems in the passed and keep it minimal. 

Its been like a long road, because it has taken a lot to overcome my negative thoughts about myself and take a lot of tears and sadness to feel better about myself and being grateful that I have legs that can walk and arms to feed myself, my hair and face. 

There are times where I hated fitting rooms and would make me feel awful and that nothing suited me, and that I had a terrible dry skin and there was a time when I was a child that I begged to have freckles and now I have a lot and makes me feel regretful that I wished that and that I should have been satisfied but no.

Listening to Jennifer Gray who was in Dirty Dancing had a complete transformation and it surprised as her image was epic and brilliant actress and couldn't imagine her not being baby and a part that was made for her. 

It is surprising that just because they are on TV the way the think of themselves is positive and can add to their unhappiness about themselves and body image and that it's not what you do, but the influences that are making you feel ugly and not good about yourself. I remember meeting up with work colleagues and they were so super tall that I felt so little and out of place and stopped meeting up with them as I just felt inadequate. 

Then there are emotional relationships where you feel under pressure because of the way you look and feel bad because I don't shave my legs all of the time and armpits and don't wear dresses all the time but now love my clothes and have fun with them and like wearing funky socks, with leggins and a fleece and just getting the most of the things that make me feel good about myself and not being serious about it. 

So stop the shame a live and go through your image and create a vision board and have fun with trying different make up, if you wear it and just let self image get you down and I think you are amazing and that beauty is within too and not just about the clothes and image.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

 

Testing your confidence

I have been having a real brain fog at the moment and forgetting simple things like I couldn't remember the name of working on radio a title of a Cher song, yet I sing it most days so to help going to do better planning for when I am working on radio. I work for Epsom Hospital radio as a volunteer and so it is important that I plan what I am going to play and say. 

Image of Epsom Racecourse where the Afternoon tea was held 

There is no auto queue and so it is you and the people listening and has really tested my confidence and each Friday before hand I feel I want to cancel but then afterwards I feel such a buzz, and it drives me mad, some people call their inner critic a name to address it. 

For me it is just so frustrating because I don't want to miss opportunities and be energized and not have that feeling of dread, and questions like, "Does anyone care that I am working on radio?", "What if the people listening don't like my voice?" as I had the micky taken out of me when talking front of my class at school and yet when I did drama and dancing I would be fine. 

I went to an afternoon tea on Tuesday and felt awkward not seeing anyone I know at first and then Ian found me and people did make an effort to come to talk to me and wasn't going to go because of my anxiety, and had to take my son to the hospital as he has had a flare up of eczema so wanted to make sure it was checked first as the doctor at my sons GP said it could be due to a burst blood vessel. 

So was looking at the time and trying to be optimistic, but thinking no not going to make it but my husband had finished early so I could go, so already committed myself and so glad I went. 

I am now anxious about this weeks shopping as after it being okay to be told I am not allowed to film in the supermarket we buy from, which was fine but feel like I was upping there clothes and food, to have it fall down on me and now worried about going in there. So waiting for my husband to call me to complete an online order. 

Life can get complicated, which I try to avoid but shit happens and you have to accept that not everyday is going to be as great as the last one but not being super negativity, and have a sense of peace and quiet and not allowing daily stresses to stop you from building your confidence. 

So our confidence can be tested, because of the negative voice in our minds, but doesn't mean we can't walk the plank and get to the otherside of our pessimism and feel good about ourselves and life experiences can make you stronger and resilient when our lives turns that can affect our confidence and feel good about ourselves and our lives. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X  

Feeling Better About Myself and changing my image

Looking in the mirror I no longer give myself a hard time and thankful for the fact that I can see myself, can pick my son up even though he is super heavy and not for long, but embracing it as my son is growing fast. I can walk and breath, and going through what I am grateful for has made a difference and writing down what has made me happy each day. Not about the way I look but other things, like writing a blog and receiving more followers, for walking to my sons school each Thursday at the moment as he does an afterschool club, and takes about an hour and half but don't mind as its a nice route to walk. 

Stables in Ashtead that I walk pass and love it everytime I do this walk from Epsom to Leatherhead

My life is taking a turn and started a new adventure. I am now working on my local Hospital radio and loving it. I do a show on Fridays evenings and has really helped build my confidence, as putting yourself out there can cause fear, but knew that this was made for me and wanted to work on radio since leaving school in 1996, and now its just by chance has happened. 

You have to face your fears and is out of my comfort zone, but if I didn't do this I know I would have missed out and got to seize the day, otherwise you may never get it back, and I hate regrets. I like the fact when I wanted to do something I have done it and I have done it myself. 

Its "Dipping your toes in the water" as I call it and unless you do, you'll never find if something is for you or not and life is full of risks, but ask yourself, listening to Mel Robbins, what if it works out? What if it does happen to be the job of you dreams for example and all your dreams come true?

The solution isn't to sit down and wait. All that does is bring negativity when noone is coming, but taking action. I made a choice do I want to be happy or not? Do I want to be able to get out of bed not feeling anxious? Do I want to continue this feeling of dread? 

Ask yourself those things. Noone wants to sit back, and I was someone who daydreamed whilst listening to music envisioning all day and be someone else, check out blog I wrote: Building Self Confidence- The Ugly Duckling: Wanting to be like somebody else (buildingselfconfidencetud.blogspot.com)

Avoiding mirrors is one trait I developed at one point, and then I made changes like finding a look that suited me, so changed the clothes I was wearing, made the effort and put make up on, and looking after my skin, hair and teeth, and made life changes. I no longer listen to music before bed, having my phone by my bed, I make my bed, journal and go for walks with my son and play sports and not dreading those moments because I had really bad energy levels at one point. So changed my medication, and I still have moments of low energy, but I love walking and looking after my body and feeling proud of it by making changes to my appearance that make me feel good and rejoicing who I am and working towards my future self. Live now, and make changes. Its gonna help you, and if you have advice or want to leave feedback of this blog then please do. You can leave a comment below.

So if something in your life isn't working out for you, it is time to change it, and can help you discover what area your life you are happy with, by writing it down and going through your life to make it one that gives you joy. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Does Size really matter when it comes to health and self image?

Watching the women's rugby 6th Nations, Scotland vs England, I was chatting with my mum and step dad about the size of some of the players. Not disrespecting them, but that if you didn't know that they were rugby players you would think they'd be classed as overweight? And does size really matter?

When it comes to rugby you have to be strong and bulky to play rugby, and this is for men and women. Think about athletes who do the Shock put or Hammer, they are bulky and not because they are over weight, but because they need to be a certain size for strength because of the demand of these sports on the body. 

It all down to lifestyle. If you eat 8 donuts a day then this will effect the body and lead to being unhealthy. It is all about what your body needs and listening to it, and so if you worry about your size then make a list of what you want your lifestyle to look like. 

I am still growing and not always eating super healthy, but I don't believe in depriving yourself. For me it is balance, working on my food habits and gaining control over it again. I have fallen off the wagon, but got back up again and now I do make sure I eat food and vegetables rather than crisps and chocolate. This helps me to feel good about my body and my self. I want to eliminate my feelings I get when eating bad food by choosing food that is nutritious, but will have a take away occasionally, and not binging. 

This has been one of my biggest flours.

Looking after the body is important and being able to accept yourself can take a long time, and noones life is perfect, its what makes you happy and be able to look in the mirror rather than avoid looking at yourself. 

I remember watching Trinny and Susannah and would show how to dress for your size and names of different sizes and this helped me a lot, and that no matter your size you can still be super fit and that it is just a frame, not your total whole being.

So look at yourself and be proud of who you are and there is more to a person than just their size.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Wanting to be like somebody else

At school, there was a girl called Sherie. I think I have shared this before, and she was a beautiful girl and after she had broken her heart over her mum leaving school, on her first day, she then became, the girl you wanted to hang around with.

She was admired by a lot of the kids in school, that we all started to dress like her, have long hair and when Sarah Ferguson became a princess and would see her in magazines, wearing bows, we would have bows in our hair. There was a girl called Sarah Jane who started my school and felt that because her name was Sarah, she had more rights of wearing a bow, than we were.

My style icon is Jennifer Aniston, and wanting to have her hair colour and style.

It is okay to admire other people, and by doing that it can help you to make changes, like building a wardrobe that you love and actually spending time to help the outside, to build the inside of yourself. You will never be that person as they are their own, but it is good to have a style icon and interpret your style with theirs and go through what suits you, and make trying different outfits, and have fun with it.

I remember as a kid we would be outside wearing our mums high heels, with our pretend push chairs and be set upon by a kid name Stuart, who we sent packing and would pretend we were busy mums. 

When I was a kid I loved the a band called Bucks Fizz and loved Jay Aston, cause she was so stylish, not saying Cheryl wasn't, but she stood out for me, and I would imagine being Jay when I'd listen to their songs and would envision that, that was me. Now listening to her interviews, when they first started out, she thought Cheryl was the prettiest, which surprised me. So just because someone looks confident, look floorless doesn't mean that they are confident, and they are human beings too, and I have forgotten that. 

I like the fact Cheryl and Jay dressed differently, because you need to have your identity, same with the Spice girls and yet Melanie B had an eating disorder along with Geri Halliwell. 

We can put so much pressure on ourselves and feel we have to dress like someone else if not, we feel unworthy of being in this world and that if you dress like someone else your gonna naturally feel confident, but that is not the case. So admire, but remember that a persons appearance doesn't always match their true feelings, but we can learn from their insecurities and how we can change how we feel when we see ourselves in the mirror. Be proud of being you. Find out what works for you and release the pressure of meeting other peoples opinion of you, and get to grips of who you are. What is unique about you? Everyone I believe is unique and be proud of that.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Seeing yourself in a new light

So it was International Women's day last week and I think particularly women tend to be a lot harder on themselves, and feel like we have to take on the world, on our own.  

I no longer give myself a hard time, because when I was, I asked myself, do I want to feel like this all my life? Am I dead? No, so what's the issue? Comparing, Who wants to look at me? and it took a lot to  be kind to myself and accept me.

The women's body is amazing, and so should celebrate women. Be proud of who you are. 

When our husbands are working and we're sitting at home I often, when my son was first born was like "okay what do I do now?"

There are women who make it on their own. I have a friend who has not gotten married or had a child is in her fifties, and I respect that. It does come down to personal choice, and often it feels like we can't win, if we want to stay at home, to bring their children up, or still work in full time employment with children, or of they don't want kids. 

Invest in yourself, by looking after your skin and appreciate your body, your personality and the things you love. Never fear that you aren't good enough. Take chances. Be with people you can relate with and teach you. When I began go out and watch a rugby team, who I was introduced by a friend I really began to come out of my shell and felt I could be me. 

I thank my friend for doing that, it really was such a great time and I am so glad that in my twenties I had that and we had some great times, that I will always treasure. Have a night out and have a glass of wine and a bite to eat. My friends and I would often have a girls night out, where we would meet up in Waterloo station or a friends house and go out and stay at her place. 

Being with people who love you for you, are for me the people you should have around you and you can be yourself and not bitching or getting narky because they've had a drink and just enjoy yourself with like minded people. 

Have those that will give you encouragement to follow their dreams and ambitions. Who will listen and just be there to give you support. 

So, live and remember you are fantastic. Stop being against yourself because you not happy with the way you are. Start following habits and I do write a blog Everyone can build a castle, and talk a lot about habits: https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com 

I hope this blog helps you and will be writing more.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X