Be your Own Bestfriend

It was never dreadful hateful feelings, never harmed myself, but I still would be self critical and be my own bully. Your fat, ugly and nothing to give. Now I have that under control. My inner critic still shows itself, but I have learned how to bat it down. I say to it "No, I will..." example my radio show. "What if I forget my phone, the computer doesn't work and think, doesn't matter I will do best, and that is all to it and think "No I am going to enjoy it" then it is laid it to rest. It is good to be a little nervous because it is something I really care about and things go wrong even when I done alright has happened but continue on. The good way to look at things going wrong is to laugh about it as when I would watch live shows on the TV when things have gone wrong can even funnier. 

Life is never a steady road but once you learn to accept yourself then it won't feel such a travesty. 

To help I prepare myself, as I can't function well if I don't and by doing that I will be okay and because the radio station in a charity and is hospital radio, it feels so rewarding and once I am on air I feel good.

Give yourself some credit.

What one thing would you not change about yourself? I find writing it down helpful. It doesn't have to be a physical thing but could be your determination, a special talent, like I am good at dancing, writing and sport. 

I still get low at times but not so much and its more about the loss of someone not necessarily myself anymore and stopped being so self absorbed. I like helping people and feel I am good that, because I am tactful, polite with good manners and super supportive of other people. 

Now its your turn to write and give yourself some credit. Think about your achievements, made people smile and made them laugh or yourself and include everything. 

I am proud of the rewards I got at dancing school, was good at Cricket and tennis, creating games and made my son laugh and happy. 

Forgive yourself 

I have been unkind to others by blanking someone and calling people names and I am not proud of it at all and observing my behaviour has taught me to love others and stick by people who may have done wrong and aswell forgiving them, so had to learn to forgive myself. 

Stop beating yourself up of when you have done wrong. If you harmed someone then of course you do have to consider your actions and perhaps need help and support so you never do it again. I would playfully hit someone and I know if someone did that to me I wouldn't like it and my friends and family draw it to my attention that they didn't like it. I stopped and they forgave me and so forgave myself and I am a different person now. I have whacked my brain over it but you can't fix the past but can fix it in present time and move on forward and make changes in your present to learn for the future. 

I am not a saint and still can be rebellious, in that I won't always tidy up my clothes, avoid cleaning and get defensive at times but I will open the door for someone, I will always allow people who have waited first for a bus to get on before I do and give up my seat and so I do have qualities and counteracts the things I have done wrong, to be a better person. 

Build your life within 

Confidence is not about looks it is about how you feel. It is an emotion because you see yourself as an enemy when if you spent time looking at your traits and the things you done, you'll be amazed how it changes the view of yourself and not feel like you are the demon because you feel you don't fit in and you don't want to see yourself. 

What do you stand for?

What are your beliefs?

What do you find easy?

Are you a good friend to others, do you tidy up after yourself? Do you do charity work? 

Go through this to learn about yourself and what are you are thankful for? Yes I know this can be cheesy but it really help you to feel good about yourself, 

So love yourself. Be your own bestfriend and stop criticizing yourself. 

Be proud of who you are rather then resentful, of yourself

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X  

 

Its okay to be different

There is a saying that "It is okay to be different as the world would be boring". How much of that is true?

It is. As a kid being different was judged if you were gay, of a different colour, small or quiet. I felt different but glad I was. Who wants to be the same as everyone else? Isn't it better to be original?

Madonna is one person I think about. She had her own unique style Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley and ABBA, Cyndi Lauper or Boy George. They stood out but was part of why they became big stars and had so many fans who wanted to be original too.

As a child I didn't like my size and a doctor was amazed of my height and told me about going to bed early as it helps with growth. I found that hard to go to bed early as I was a bad sleeper and still unsure if that was true or not. It was as if being a certain height was a real problem, but people are different shapes and sizes. 

It is hard to accept yourself when people see that it is a abnormality but look at the Late Barbara Windsor, Dolly Pardon and Judy Garland. 

I am okay with my height now. Yes I think a lot of people used it to feel bigger than me and I was made fun of but I just let them and moved on. The person who would make fun out of me wasn't exactly tall either and heard her so friends talk about her and turned out that they didn't like her either and was taggling on with them. 

Often the person who is taking the micky are doing it because it makes them feel good, because of their own insecurities and this girl told me she didn't like me and I replied "Good I don't like you either" and was great "I said well I stay out of your way and if you stay out of mine" and it was settled and was glad that I didn't have to pay her much attention. 

I don't mind people making fun out of me as often it was funny, as long as they can take it back. Or aren't sniggering behind your back.

I am not one to upset anybody but if someone is not your fan then there is no need for an argument and means move on and focus on the people who do like you and have your back. In fact this girl at school friends were alright with me, it was just her. 

She was the same with other girls not in her group and was just wanting to pick on someone. I am glad she wasn't a friend of mine. It didn't upset me that she didn't like me, in fact I admired her honesty. I have had those who pretend to like me only to find out they've been talking about me behind your back and it happened when I was working for a national TV Station as a Temp and the girl I was working with was so nice and we would chat, have lunch together, but then I heard her really complaining about me to the managers and I did get fired and realised why they kept having a new assistance, working with this girl because she was not nice. So I went on my Merry way and moved on. 

Often people who are tough on the outside are actually not on the inside and why she was like she was, because she didn't like the job either and moan about them to me and they were all talking behind each others back. 

I don't want to be the same but be me. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Be Proud Of Yourself and stop resentment

Take a pen and paper. Write down how you feel about yourself right now?

Go through your achievements and the people in your life, work, family and just reflect and what do you want to take from this?

There was a time where I felt I hadn't accomplished anything. I daydreamed continuously, of having completely different life. Being someone else and that there is always going to be someone better than me. 

Last night I listened to a new presenter on the hospital radio I work on now, do her show and it was so good but triggered my insecurity and could feel it rising and I felt a grudge. Why? Does she care? 

I feel that I have often seen life as a competition but all that does, is make me beat myself up even more.

Yet it also inspired me. The importance is to create entertainment for people in the hospital and outside and we all, do our own thing and made me see how important it is to me, that I have good feelings towards like minded people and not feel threatened.

Would she resent me? How would that make me feel?

Can I even ask that question because she has no idea that I feel pressure from her show and that she is there for the same reason I am, so why feel resentment when we do the same job? 

From experience it is my problem not hers and. 

Do I want to see her fail? 

mess up and quit? 

Or actually use it to learn instead?

The one thing I need to stop doing is being super nervous about doing my show and proud that I actually used my ambition to work on radio and used my own initiative to apply to work on the radio, a job I had always dreamed about and to make new friends and not feel any negative feelings.

She should feel proud of herself, being that she is new too, no matter how it makes me feel and that I do as a good job as she did and learning. 

I want to be the best that I can be, but I need to not being so self scented. I made it about me and not that she is trying to deliver a show to override mine, she's just doing what I do, but feel proud that I have been doing a good show too and that we all work on hospital radio, to grow the station and that the shows we do, are enjoyed.

I enjoy it, so have to remind myself of that. I love the fact that I am in control of it and have fun with it too. I feel proud that I know a lot of music, that it is step to having a career I love and work on my own feelings and thoughts. 

Feel good for others. Someone I heard in a podcast with Boy George and he said "Do I want people to see me as rude and unkind?" I know what I will choose as I hate having bad feelings and not a jealous angry person who resents others, but respectful and want to see other achieve their dreams and why I write these blogs and please share if you have any thoughts on this blog.

You can put a comment below and subscribe or follow if you like to read more. It is free to do so.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Focusing On Our Body Shape

We are all different shape and sizes. It can get us down. I was always giving myself a hard time. I would focus on everything that was wrong with me. I wanted shape but didn't feel I had the shape that a woman was supposed to have and felt like I didn't belong in the Pretty category. I was the ugly duckling. 

After I completed Parkrun

I then at secondary school was told by a girl in my class saying I had a good figure. This was back in Secondary school where we'd dress in a shared changing room. I was unfit, had what is known as puppy fat and suffered with dry skin. I found it hard to tan when on holiday having such fare skin and would burn. 

Since seeing Nigella Lawson who was is fair skinned and curvy made me feel a, and lot better and since then Pamela Anderson who now wears no make up, because it is up to you to decide. I would get upset when I was challenged when it came to me not looking my age, as I looked so young, but then a friend said to me "I know you don't like it now, but when you get to my age" which she was ten years older than me and in her 30's she said "You'll see it as a complement" and she was right. 

There has been controversial subject about should they have ladies who are what some people would consider, were large, modelling clothes and having large size clothes. There was a debate about Dove Advert, which pictured different size women, to help people have body confidence. For me it is about inspiring and being healthy. I am not super skinny or large, but do pay attention to what I consume that has a negative effect. Like seeing people starving themselves to be a different size. I had an eating disorder and then had type 2 diabetes years later and it was my worst fear. That has changed and changed my medication as I have had psychosis, really bad bouts of depression and terrible anxiety, and now feel good. 

I watched Trinny and Suzanna, Gok Wan and Louise Pentland on Youtube and that our bodies are amazing machines that help us to walk, talk, eat, think and see. Not everyone has that and meeting people in disabled homes as one of my Uncles had a stroke, they never allowed themselves to be down. I made friends with girl named Sally and we wrote to each other. We lost touch but she was amazing. 

She wasn't skinny or overweight or was miserable. She was full of light, with the most nicest handwriting I had ever seen and she was full of life.

Now so many who would have been once overlooked and seen as odd are now in TV shows, comedians and successful athletes. Chris McCausland won strictly not because he is a certain shape but because he was good and blue everyone away watching him dance.

Be proud of who you are. If you want to lose weight then fine, but don't allow your insecurities stop you from living and that our bodies are shells that help us to live and I began to set myself challenges, find clothes that suited me and walk and exercise to keep me healthy and watch my blood sugar. That is the utmost importance and not my body shape. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X  

Self Development: Stop Self Neglect

I still get days like this morning where I have super bed hair, a coldsore on the side of my lip and feel like I could just hibernate in bed and do nothing. However I like to get dressed so I have developed a routine where I make sure I have something hot to drink, do a bit of reading and then go on my laptop and do a bit of writing and been watching the Jacksons who performed this new years and at 6:30am I get dressed for the day. 

One thing I like to do when my son is at school writing and planning in a local Coffee shop once a week

To feel good about yourself find a good mirror that flatters you and don't feel like tearing it down. Put a bit of make up on and brush your hair and make sure I brush my teeth twice a day which at one point I was not and it felt like self neglect. 

I no longer give myself a hard time about the way I look and thank Pamela Anderson for not wearing make up and that made me feel good as I do like make up but like make up free days too and she has made it okay to not wear make up. At the end of they day its up to you, but it is all about how you feel and what will help you feel better about yourself. 

This year is all about put myself more together as I do like to be smart aswell as dressing down on some days too when I want to do a workout, like dumbells and floor workout or walk on the treadmill, but still make myself presentable. 

I will be doing a Self Development programme on my Youtube channel Carrie Educational Youtube Channel and on my blog site, Everyone can build a castle. More to be confirmed.

It is all about investing in yourself and taking better care not to allow life to knock our confidence and we can often feel down when we spend our time looking at others and feeling like you don't fit in and that you'll never be good enough to compete and always being in competition, when it isn't about others it is about you. It is good to selfish. It is good to have some space from others and a friend of mine has just gone a solo trip and when I was a child there was a couple of my parents friends would go away just them and it is too just be on your own or your spouse and having that time can make a huge difference to your feel about you and your life.

I use the week when my sons at school to have time to go on a solo walk, have a coffee and weight training and floor workout, nice lunch and connect with others via my blogs and Youtube channels.

Now I do voluntary work on a Sunday and is like having time out to play music and has really made me feel good about myself. So stop neglecting yourself and do things that help you feel good to build your confidence.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X