Rebuilding your confidence

It has taken me a long time to feel fully confident within myself and I still have days where I like "Oh its you again". Not as often though and today I was feeling super anxious so I got my exercise mat and did a bit of Pilates with some Yoga and feels good to just workout but at a slower pace. 

I feeling the slump, and doing all I can to get myself out of it and I just want to hibernate, and super fatigued. Yet I have just uploaded a new video. It is of my total reset I did in my bedroom and boy did this make a difference. Check out via this link: https://youtu.be/udenyPsPZD0

Its been a battle through out my life and so to manage it, exercise and set challenges for myself that helps me feel good and seeing what I can do and make an effort and found my style and what I love to wear and acknowledge myself and see that "There is nothing wrong with me". 

As a kid other people perception of me would influence my feelings, because I believed that everyone around me was better than me. I would think "Why can't I do that?", and have "shiny hair", "How come they can make friends and no me?" and I begged to fit in, yet often felt I was different to them and I would never feel good about myself. 

Now though I have retuned my thoughts and now being 44 years old, see things different and never allow the influence of others knock my confidence and whenever I have felt unworthy focussed on what will help me and seeing that I can have shiny hair, I just need to look after it and this will help my feelings I feel inside. 

It is the little things like that, that can make a difference. It's not about having the perfect picture, but being healthy and being kind to yourself and making an effort each day. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Typical London Gal 

`

Believing in yourself and be okay when you get it wrong

I always have that inner critic going and feel that I am never getting it right, example what to give to my son for dinner, and what I should wear and should I wear make up or shouldn't I and it can be tiring and this morning because I was waiting for a bus and had to wait a while decided to walk but typical as soon as I did the bus I was waiting for goes passed. 

I have started to realise that if I get it wrong doesn't matter because this will teach me to get it right and listen to my gut instinct and have faith in myself. 

Confidence isn't just about wearing the clothes that suit me or make me happy, but how I am with myself and to be kinder rather being critical to myself all of the time, it can ware me down and feel that I have so much going on in my head that I need to take a break from the self doubt I carry everyday. 

How I manage though I will look what is bothering and journal, I will walk with some music playing and I will read a book and listen to podcasts of others that have felt like I have, like Mel Robbins, Vearn Cotton and Diary of a CEO. 

I change my inner doubt in a positive way in that I use it to make sure I plan and write things down and remember the things I need daily, like my purse and keys and phone. I make sure I am on time with appointments and I completely forgot that it was my son school trip, and thankfully got a phone call the day before and has made sure I make sure I write all appointments down and on my phone. 

The school trip was a good day and feel thankful that the school phoned me and next time I will make sure put in up a board and going to make myself a notice board or get a wall calendar again to help, but not allow to bother my day and I believe in fate and feel it is on my side rather than against me. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X

Typical London Gal 

Expectations of yourself and lowering them

When there is so much expectation on us we can often feel like hiding and hopefully be invisible. We don't want people to see us that we aren't robots but human beings and so we can only handle so much. We feel bogged down and like screaming "I CAN'T DO THIS", and then feel terrible for screaming out and then makes us feel even more shallow. 

I have been there when working in a Call Centre and it was when there were riots going on, and there was news that they would be coming to where we were working in Kingston and just stood and said "I can't deal with this" and so was asked if wanted to go home, and I did. Even now I am unsure as to what this was about, but I felt this fear that people going into shops taking stuff and wrecking businesses. 

As a mum can become stressful and feel that there is a lot of judgement of how you should parent and feel that we aren't getting it right. 

This I think back was myself making me feel overwhelmed and that I had made a mindset and habit of putting myself down all the time. It can be draining when you feel no self worth, but then do I want to be feeling like this for the rest of my life? No! I feel so good about me now and because I have taken myself back a bit and gone through the insecurities I have and thought, well how can I overcome this? And it is putting yourself first. As I write that I get the little voice, "Should I say that?", but I do I feel good in my skin and lowered the expectation of myself. 

Where I would before would not take photos of myself now do and I even put together a photo book of selfies and this worked and feel that "I am not that bad after all".

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Typical London Gal 

 

Facing a mirror

There was a time where I would avoid mirrors, because it would really make myself as I have been like an enemy to myself. I'd get so upset and would look at others think how come they look so good, but I don't?

That is the first thing, not comparing. It is draining to not want to face my face and would be my own worse critic. Looking at myself from top to bottom, and thinking "Why do I look like this?", and "Wheres my confidence?".

You don't just find confidence, because it is a feeling habit that we have done since a kid and thought being an adult these feelings would go away but for doing this habit for so long, took while to shake it off. Is to do it because we have been influenced? It can be, and being told that I have put on weight, which did happen, hard. Being overweight did bother me and so I had to make changes as it was making avoid looking at myself. I began to take on exercise, this was the best I needed. I started to look at the portions I was eating and realised I was eating big with each meal, yet a year before I was losing a lot weight. This was because I was burning it off through the work I was doing. I was working at a holiday camp and so was on a my feet a lot. 

Birth control was the culprit at the time, because as soon as I stopped taking it the weight piled off. 

Is weight everything? It can play a factor on how we feel about ourselves, and it did for me. I began to find it hard to buy clothes that fitted me and stopped going out because I was so conscious of it. I felt inadequate. 

Now though 12 years or so later I never felt as good as I do now, I like the clothes I have and putting on make up has made a difference, but also feel better when I don't put it on, I think about my skin and protect it and so allow my face and body to breathe and really take care of myself. And it is that, that can make a huge difference. 

So I can now look in the mirror and no longer avoid them. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Typical London Gal   

 

 

What changes can you make, that will get rid of stress and stop anxiety from taking over that can effect your confidence

Since a kid when I would be clumsy and forgetful, I would begin to panic. This would make what I did seem ten times worth that what really wasn't that bad. I once spilt nail varnish remover on a table we had when we lived in a flat on a housing estate and because nail varnish remover had acid in it, it took the wooded paint off the table. 

I did it to show I can be responsible, so I was actually showing off, because I saw someone else do it, I wanted to follow. Basically I was taking my nail varnish off to put some more on and as soon as it happened and I saw the face on my parents, I ran into the bathroom, thinking "I don't want to be told off" but as I spilt the remover of course my family saw it spill,  and yes I got a telling off. 

Now I am an adult, I can now reason with it, and to say I learned my lesson, and rarely paint my nails, and when I do, I rarely use remover. 

This effected my confidence with using nail polish remover, because I am still clumsy but feel a little distrust in myself to do so. I know I can use it without spilling it,  but I have spilt again on carpet and so I feel me and remover will always have a love hate relationship, and it is because I need to change my relationship with. I know now to use it when in the bathroom over the sink, but took me a while to be logical about it. It is a habit, and like habits they do tend to take us back and I am still clumsy but better and not being so bloody naive.

This is made me less stressed about it and about other things, like leaving my bag in a shop, and did this once in Tesco's where I live, left my rucksack with my laptop with it, but luckily it was found and given in. 

Do I still use that rucksack? Yes,

Have I done the same since? No 

So have I learned? Yes

I did feel myself want to panic? Yes, 

Was anything taken?No. 

My anxiety started, but I took control, and that has changed me in being more reliable when it carrying my possessions, and sort it out before the panic jumps in. 

If something is stressing you out constantly then changes need to be maid because it will effect your wellbeing and your confidence, because it's gonna constantly play in your mind, until you take action. 

I have an inner strength now since those incidents, because it raised my awareness. I will take my time rather than rushing, and value myself in remembering stuff and no longer living in a day dream. 

When we beat ourselves up, all it does is cause restrictions to not do that again, in case the same thing happens, but believe in yourself and make changes, so now when put nail varnish on and take off with remover I know to take my time and over the sink. Nothing drastic has to change, just be more logical about it. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X

Typical London Gal  

 

 

Body Confidence and look after your health

To build our confidence we have to help ourselves to become healthy, and make you happy. Giving your self some time to look after your skin and haircare. I like to treat myself to nice shower gels and perfumes but don't over do it, just the amount that makes me feel good about myself. 

Take supplements. I take Garlic, Vitamin D, Iron and multivitamin, because I kept feeling fatigue and I also take legal prescribed medication, for my mental health, but taking supplements can still help and make a different to what you need. 

Look after your skin. I love Skincare as I have suffered with heat rashes, heat lumps and dry peeling skin and can make me really self conscious, so I will take my make up off in the evening, as I would often leave it on, I don't wear make up everyday, because I like to allow my skin to breath, and so I don't wear make up everyday. I do use face creams, washes, scrubs and show gels, and night creams. 

I look after my hair and don't wash it everyday, but keep my hair hydrated by using refresher sprays and serums, and blow dry my hair after every wash. It has made a difference as in the summer I can get itchy flaky sculp so I take hair of that, as I love my hair. 

Doing these things along with healthy food, can make a huge difference. 

I am still doing a Life Coaching Programme "The Summer Project 2022", and so check out my main Youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUDFIqjVKLy7NhtcR6Hy0Tg and my website, https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com    

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Typical London Gal 

Becoming stronger that my confidence has turned a corner

There have been times where I couldn't bear looking at myself because it would break my heart of what I saw. I felt that I was disformed and would get upset when clothes shopping. So what has changed? Me!

I was hating these feelings and felt fed up of not liking myself. So what has changed? Me! 

Appearance isn't everything and I have a brain that works and I can walk and run, and could dance and it was doing things where I'd feel alive that helped build my confidence and it was reaching out to others to look at me and have their approval for me to feel good. 

I began to make good positive changes, like making an effort each day and put some make up on, would get fit rather than thinking about it and not moving, and now I am finally happy in my own skin. I can look in the mirror and I not bothered about wearing make up all the time and like being with myself and don't fed up of what I see. 

Life is full of challenges and accepting yourself is one of them. I don't want to be fed up with myself for anymore. It is draining and so I had to get a hold of myself. and make changes, like not sleeping in all of the time, not eating healthy and living by each amount of money I had earned and lost sense of myself.

I have had to get to know myself and who I truly am rather than being someone else for other people. You have to find that out. Who are you? What do you belief? and what is your style? 

I love being in my leggins and in summer found my love of shorts again. It is what helps me be me and not attracting other people, but I can look at myself and say "This is me and I am okay with that".

I have had to be strong and that has been the key to how I feel now. Of course I still get moments where I still avoid a mirror, but not so much. I like being me and am down to earth, and that is what I want people to see me as, not someone who is always giving myself a hard time, but when you accept yourself others will follow and that gives me such power, that we all are beautiful and unique and that is okay. 

Check out Mel Robbins book The High 5 habit, as this is brilliant method that can help your confidence too and be able to see the goodness in you and get rid of the bad. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

 

Understanding the mind and gaining control

I at the moment doing a Life Coaching Programme called "The Summer Project 2022" to help you have a better Summer and a better life, so please check out my blog linked here: https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com

What I will do is to add this blog linked to the above blog site as part of my programme, and to my Pinterest Pin to share whilst I do this project. https://www.pinterest.co.uk/thetypicalLondongal/

So, this blog is all about Understanding the mind and gaining control, and to do that you need to sit down and spend sometime of where you are feeling now today, but also go through assets you have, example, you like your Living room but there is a room you hate going into because it may be messy and you are trying to avoid it and feel overwhelmed every time you go in there. I would avoid my bank account, but to gain control I now check it everyday and give myself a target now of how much I want to save each month and this has made me worrying about my finances a lot less. 

This can effect how we feel and our mind, as it makes us feel low because we can't get ourselves together to sort this room out or any area in your life you are wanting to ignore, but you want to get in touch with. 

I wrote a book about how to make one change a day in your life on amazon, and just making one a change can still make all he difference, rather than allow to dictate your feelings and your mind. 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Things-Change-one-day-time-ebook/dp/B0916KDN9H/ref=sr_1_2?crid=3TL3CMAPUOVB0&keywords=EBooks+by+Carrie+Holmes&qid=1657702366&s=digital-text&sprefix=ebooks+by+carrie+holmes%2Cdigital-text%2C84&sr=1-2

The other thing to do is to separate items into categories, but if this is too much then just put one item in the box and just do one category at a time. If you not liking your appearance then check out your clothes perhaps they aren't your style and I find I do this, I go buy price rather than what benefit this item will have one me. 

If you feel slumped it is because you just need to do a makeover and revamp your closet. 

What gives you value? and what items and fashion suit you. If you can afford why not get a stylist and watch Trinny London and Melissa Murrell they do a lot of videos to styling and its that simple and the mind when it sees mess creates mess into your life but once you start gradually making changes can help the mind feel at piece and will get control of it, rather than feeling low because you life is chaotic, and not a good rhythm.

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Typical London Gal   

When your kids give you confidence and how we can learn from them

I have worked a lot on myself and I am writing many things about this and like sharing hoping that you as my audience and followers find it helpful and makes you feel better. When we lack confidence we can often feel like we are on our own, but no we are not. 

My son tells me that he loves me now, and I love it, and gives me such confidence because I feel me and my son have turned a corner in that he feels happy to share how he feels, and it is so endearing. I think its because you know they mean it, and not saying it because it is a new sentence they have just learned. 

He is so aware of what is around him and who is who in his life and when he calls me I get so touched about it and feel such comfort. I tell him everyday I love him and I want our relationship to be a good window for him and me to talk about things and be expressive. For a while I felt the relationship was being effected, because I'd want to be with me phone rather than spending time to play, and disappointed in myself in doing that, but I feared being a parent and so to escape I'd be looking on my phone, rather than playing with my son. 

How was I able to bond with Henry if I want to spend time bonding with my phone and blogs, rather than him? I now I leave my phone in my bag, and when he is with me, make sure I take it out of site and this has made a huge difference, because he will knock it out of my hand, to say, "Its my time not your phone" and this has been a education for me as kids live for now, not what happened yesterday or what is happening tomorrow but now, presently. 

Our insecurities can be passed on, but since spending time with my son, it has made me active, playing football, tennis and cricket, and pushed these feelings of low self worth better. 

I do write a parenting blog if you'd like to check it out, https://theparentingadventurestipsandtricks.wordpress.com  and I have books on parenting too, check them out on amazon.com, under my names, Carrie Challoner and Carrie Holmes. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Building confidents as a mum

Everything I do I doubt myself, and has become a habit. I share a lot about my life online, and I doubt this too. It is safe to say I am a doubter and proud about it, but know it something I progressively changing. 

I am learning to look after myself without feeling guilty that "I shouldn't be doing that as its selfish and being selfish is wrong". NO IT IS NOT! my gut tells me. I have learned your gut says a thousand things and I am learning to use it to stop the doubting. 

Thing about being a mum I thought I'd have it all sussed as I have looked after other peoples children, but it is totally different. There is no running away and passing the responsibility and it can fall on your shoulders and covered in pooh, and then phone rings, the door goes and its like "Why didn't anyone tell me?", "I never knew it will be like this", and I didn't. Yet I naturally loved my little boy and couldn't believe he had arrived and it took a while to sink it. I never had issues about bonding, but it was getting to know this little human and meant that I would have to get myself together. 

I have come to see I will always be doubting but I know how to handle it now and answer it, and that is by saying "I know what I am doing, and I know myself, and prove it to myself, and I have done that by setting goals for me and my son, and grow our relationship by sharing my love to him. He now tells me he loves me and it really does make my heart melt. So I feel that I have done alright and the doubt has become less. 

I can cook for my son, I can get him to read a book and can help get his homework done and be there on time when he comes home from school, and do practice affirmations and even have a notebook with them written down, and this has helped me a lot. 

I have a gratitude journal and go through what I am thankful for including how I feel about myself and I have changed a lot. I am no longer a stranger to myself, being a human being and a mum, and have more self belief in myself than ever before. 

So focus on what you can rather than what you can't do.

I have books on parenting and other topics on amazon.com under the names Carrie Challoner and Carrie Holmes, so if you'd like to read them then take a look.  

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X   

Feeling self Conscious during the summer

I get so worried over the summer when it comes to the way I look and feel, and I wrote a blog a long time ago about having bikini body, if I find it I will link it. I can't wear a dress without shaving my legs first and my armpits. I hate having body hair. The only place I like it, is when its on my head and so invest a lot of money on razors, and always wear flip flops because of hair growth on my feet and because I don't always paint my nails. 

I don't wear a bikini, but a swimming costume and with pair of cycling shorts because of body hair. If I could get it done I would have have laser treatment to get rid of my body hair and not have to worry about it. 

I have used fake tan before now, but it always looked patchy, and so I do try to spend time in the sun, but I have never been good with heat, and become hot and bothered. Not that I don't like summer, I do, as it like it when it gets dark later in the day. It does feel you have more of a day, yet it is always a battle of what to wear, because of feeling self conscious. 

My go to items are leggins and I do own some pairs of shorts but not a lot. I tend to wear these indoors and not outside, a lot. I would love to look good in a bikini, and have more swim wear. I remember as a kid when we would go to Menorca and many of the women we travelled with, would go topless, and admired this, as the woman's body shouldn't be nothing to hide, as we carry babies in ours and not something we should take for granted. I have had to work a lot with being body confident and accepting what I have.

For me it is about taking one step at a time, and going to invest in creating a more happiness with myself and find items that are flattering, and not feel bad in doing so. Listening to a lot of Life Coaches like Mel Robbins, Grant Cardone and Tony Robbins, to invest in myself and that is to be more summer confident. How about you do you feel the same. 

Please leave a comment below, and lets support each other, as often just that alone can help how we feel about ourselves and spend time in working on appearance, and what is going to make you happy. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X   

When life takes over and don't get enough done

When we create to do lists, it can be overshadowed by the things we haven't written or typed up. Life! Example your GP contacts you to have a consultation, like myself, because I have a whole in my heart have to have checks on my health, and these are life tasks that can stop us in our steps in getting our to do lists completed. 

Life will come before anything else and I had to put my schedule on hold because of my son a few weeks ago, had chicken pox's and so had to put my to do list on hold that week, and get some time in the evenings. The inner critic, can begin to talk to  you, in your mind, but I silence it by saying to it "I will get the items on my to do list completed, it just won't happen in that week because of life". 

Flexibility is a must for me, and even if it means doing it before bedtime, it will get done. I give myself a cut of time of 8 to 9pm, and then it is bed. Sleeping well is important, and having a stable routine can help too, as each night, I will shut my window, then pull down my blind and close my curtains to get myself ready for  good nights sleep.

I will put my night gear on and set my alarm for the next day. 

I make my lists for each day the night before and will schedule items on Sundays for the week ahead. 

I prepare myself, should this change because of life, like what days don't I have appointments on, and using google calendar to block schedule, and I go through my weekly plan using OneNote, but also write a written plan in a notebook and what items can be put on hold and be spread across the week and month. 

I set Quarterly goals, along with my days and weeks of what I would like to accomplish. 

Paying can effect our confidence, especially if you are on low income. I find spreading my money I spend out, helps and if I need to pay for an item that has broken and guarantee has ended, I have money to replace that item.

Technology can become faulty, and so it is good to have paper around, in case that happens and making a note of what I can do by hand, that I still get bits on my list completed. 

I will go through what I can do with my phone, what I can write on paper, until the device that has stopped working, is fixed, "That's if it can be", but that can stop us in our tracks and feel that we have accomplished nothing, and for me that can effect how I feel for the rest of the day or week. 

 Always check the guarantee on technology and if it can be replaced with no extra cost, then it is sense to take advantage of that. We can't help devices that stop working, but what we can control is on how we deal with it. If a site has an APP can be used, on any device, like writing I often will use google docs, rather than Word.  

I find that when devices stop working we tend to blame ourselves, and yet it is technology. It is often unpredictable. They are manmade, and so no item will last forever, in my experience, as I used to be a Customer/Technical Advisor for a manufacturer called, Philips and would help people use their Digital Boxes and products, and so, in doing this, technology will always break down and we aren't be blamed, as we buy items hoping that they will last a long time, but they never will. 

So, take away the pressure and get back to the to do list, once you've completed life tasks, and never beat yourself up over it, that is life.

I am doing a Life Coaching programme, that I have set up, called "2022 Project" so if you'd like to check out this content please go over to my site: https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com

I have also created videos too, as part of this programme, so go over to my main Youtube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUDFIqjVKLy7NhtcR6Hy0Tg

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

 

  

The way we live our lives/Imposter Syndrome/Comparing

The way we live our lives can have a influence on how we feel, and last week my anxiety really hit me and I was helping out as a Playworker at a local school and found it too much. I am glad I did it but felt overwhelmed by it, and need to tell myself "Stop diving into the deep end and take your time".

With opportunities I tend to jump in with both feet and can be my biggest downfall, yet I still did the work, I still put the hours in and still learned from it. Looking after children all day can be a challenge and so from that if it was shorter hours in the mindset I was, would have been better and gradually built up my hours whilst I got back into that working routine. 

It has been a while since I did any outside work and so it was bound to play on my anxiety and it took over. This damaged my confidence and I began to see I suffering from imposter syndrome and felt "Not good enough, I am rubbish and how come my colleague can be super confident I chose the wrong job", and it went on and on in my head. 

Am I good enough? 

I began to clock watch and felt that I couldn't do the hours and it really hit me, "This isn't the job for me", yet as said I still turned up, but decided that a similar job that I can do for less hours may workout to be better for me. 

I haven't given up but moved on and now ready for the next opportunity. 

I need to stop comparing myself to bring me down but to use it to built it up. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

 

 

Building confidence through our daily habits

When it comes to confidence it can be habits we have implemented that gets us down. Example nip picking at the way we look, what we eat and drink, being behind on work and so what we do in our lives if it is causing you to have negative thoughts then it is time to make changes to your life. 

It could be changing the mirror as I find the ones in changing rooms, for example is not always flattering so use a mirror at home to look at yourself, or buy one that gives a real image of yourself. I find the rectangle mirror can make you look bigger than what you are and same with cameras. 

Choose the correct the correct angle to take a selfie and if you feel make up will help then put it on. If you find Jewelry helps you to feel good about yourself then wear some. 

I wake up with such bad breath that it makes me really self conscious so each morning I brush my teeth as soon I wake up in the morning. I used to hate showing people my teeth, because drinking a lot of teeth made my teeth look yellow and a couple of girls in my year would laugh about that and snigger.

Now I drink one to two cups a day, two cups of coffee and drink some water.

This has made a huge difference, and now I have made a list of food I no longer want to eat and food I do and want to add. This is because I have had a donut and then biscuits and made me feel self conscious by eating these foods, and been effecting my stomach so cutting certain foods and drinks plays a part in my confidence.

Making simple changes like this can really help, and just going though what you need and listening to your mind and your gut to make difference in feeling good or bad about yourself. 

I hope this helps you and honestly it has taken a long time for me to be kind to myself, but glad to be in that place. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

 

Giving things up in your life that is destroying your confidence

Is there things in your life that effects your confidence, like at work and you see it piling up, and you just not sure what to do with and worried about asking? 

There were times in my working life where I was like that, and so I would ask for further training, I would make it clear that I had no idea as to what I was doing. 

Often people that have been in jobs for a long time forget that they were a novice themselves once upon a time go, and so if they help but look unhappy because you've asked for help, then that is a problem they need to sort out. and it is important to have an answer rather than wait until they told you, you did something wrong. 

So giving up having to tip toe around people who don't want to help you, when its their job to so, don't let it bother you and ask. It's better to make sure rather than assuming, and just keep note of what they tell you that will help you in your job, when you are not sure. 

Dieting, where do we begin? 

I have been on diet, when looking back, from childhood as I was a fussy eater but I was always conscious of my size. I wasn't ever overly heavy in weight, or anything, no disrespect to those that are, I  just had what they would call  "Puppy fat" and felt like there was nothing good about myself at one time, and so when I became a teenager I was more conscious of my size and bothered by the way I looked and so tried so many times to lose weight, but now I am happy to say, dealing with it better, and looking at myself in a different light, which is "I ain't so bad after all", but it has taken 40 years on, for me to see it that way. I look is fine, and I need to be respectful to myself, as I do have good traits, and not be against myself. I am lucky to have what I have in my life, and it could be worse. 

Dieting is so different now and has seen as negative, because of quick fix ideas on losing weight, and it really about moderation. 

I food did effect my confidence, and felt that it was source of all evil at one time, but I began educating myself with books and made a difference to having a good diet. I today, felt I am eating too much chocolate so bought myself a healthy yogurt for tonight and to make better choices. 

Confidence comes with in, and we often so focused on the outside instead of listening to the inside of our bodies.

Getting fit and exercising, can be a burden rather than enjoyable, does it effect confidence?

It can do if you obsess over it. just like diet and begin to count every calorie, we can start to over train and doing to much that your body can't handle it. For me exercise is important, and that I do it when I feel I want to, and if I don't want to do any I don't. 

Being a mother I do a lot of playing football as my son is full of energy.

It is all about getting in touch with your body, and what it wants, and that again is the same as dieting.

Noone wants to feel like crap and I feel if you do it again moderately it can be beneficial. Yet if you begin to the point you can't walk the next day, it can take over the enjoyment and it has to be something you know you are going to love to do, and not dread it. 

When we see others exercise, we instantly compare ourselves. We it can reduce the endorphins rather than increase, so don't pressure, but do it when you have that burst to do some, do it and keep note of it. Set goals for yourself but what your body can handle. 

Jealousy and begrudging? 

Often when we see friends doing well for themselves and we are still stuck in a job we hate, for an example, feel jealous and feel we have nothing to offer and begin to belittle ourselves that we can lash out when it isn't their thought, but is a problem your having not them. 

Do we want to see people we care about do badly? Of course we don't and their is space for everyone to succeed, and is wasted energy and if it is getting you down then, it is time to make changes. That is keep a journal and write down why they have achieved so much, and you haven't.

Start setting plans for yourself and take yourself out. Learn a skill you have been wanting to do, and take the plunge to do it. 

Sitting within four walls all of the time, is not going to help you. Be supportive of your friends and learn from them, and be inspired by others doing well. We can often start to see fault because it makes us feel better than to admire someone. 

We all have flours that can effect our confidence so taking steps to make yourself better, like going for a job you really want and not because they've offered a job to you, as it is "Better than nothing", and follow your dreams. 

Being happy takes a lot for some people and I know that, because I have been there, but do you want those things to linger or deal with head on? I know what I would choose. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X  

 

Day 7: Self Confidence Blog Challenge/How did this challenge go

Hello and welcome to my last blog of my 7 day blog challenge and I have to admit it was a struggle, but here we are. It has meant writing late, but helps me evaluate my writing and blogs to see how long each blog takes and how to cut down my blogs and good to have blogs that I wanted to share done rather than writing once a week and being behind on my blogs.

It helps build up my confidence which this site is all about and how I can use this to help you my audience who may be struggling with confidence too. 

I just went through pictures of myself for my daily blog I write and that was a challenge too but really enjoying my daily blogs and so go and check the out via this link: 

I was going to talk about crying but I wrote this in my previous blog and so wanted to write about this challenge to inspire you. I want to from This month February set a challenge each month. 

It has tired me out and I felt burned out and so took a step back from my other blogs I write and have two blogs sites I have to work on my daily and this self confidence blog and gives my audience, you, to take to catch up, as I know you have busy lives too and so don't need two many blogs to get through in your inboxes, and so next week it will be once a week. 

So many tbanks and tell what challenges have you set yourself. Pleaae comment below. 

Carrie X 

Day 6 Self Confidence blog challenge/How to manage our emotions

Hello, so it is Saturday night and here I am at my desk writing my 6th blog and so got my last blog to write tomorrow. 

The Challenge was to blog for 7 comsecutive days to expand my blog and had lots of ideas and so wanted to do a whole full week to have them written and publised and I hope you have found them helpful and helping just one person is making a different to me. 

Yet Saturday's is a night off for me and Sunday's I don't write any live blogs and so I will post my last two, on Monday, and Last one is going to be Tuesday.

So in this blog is all about Managing Your Emotions. 

First of all is cryng a sign of weakness? 

I was told that once, and it was someone who I had a relationship with, and for me that was insulting to my personality because for me if something happens in my life like losing someone I like to grieve which will help it better but also I do feel strongly about things, and so no crying is not a sign of weakness it can actually show that the person is the exact opposite. They feel it and whatever it is they are crying for, they had really loved that person and helps the next generation that it is okay. 

Now can someone fake it that they are upset or angry because they have lashed out at someone?

Yes, because of me as a kid I would use it to not being in trouble as my parents were quite strict and so I would fake cry and my nan would say "Here comes the firing engine", yes nan thank you. 

My son gets angry when he is upset because he finds it very hard when he can't have what he wants and will lash out, so keeping calm tell him "It's okay" because he often sees it that we are stopping his enjoyment, like his tablet when it hads to be put on charge, and so I say "Its on charge" and distract him from wanting it and then he calms down, but cries to see if it will change that his tablets on charge, but he needs to understand that it is a device and so won't work if not charged. I often think he gets confused of when we take it away when he is naughty to when we say no because its run out of charge. 

My son is fully confident and when he knows he is good at something he keeps going and never gives up and wish I had been as confident as he is, because he very fearless. As a kid I always were looking behind my shoulder and scared of everything. 

Lacking confidence can effect your emotions, and make you paranoid that others may feel the same about you. and feel unworthy when gett upset the other person is angry about it. For me when I am low I need compassion, and have someone to listen. It can make us not wanting to look at ourselves and avoid seeing people because of getting judged by others. If I failed at dancing it would really get me down but that was because I enjoyed it and wanted to do my best. 

When it comes to anger though is to find yourself a room you can gain some composure and what is making you angry about yourself.

If it is because of the way you look or feel unworthy dig deep into why and when did it first start. 

Do you feel you are out of your depth when you are around other people who seem to have it going on?

When I tried doing the second fooball coaching qualification I quit, I felt that I needed to do more coaching before I did my second badge, and felt out of my depth in doing the second one. 

I would like to pass my level 2 again, and have more belief in myself to do so but should have kept at level 1 and not jumped in too quickly. 

So take your time and map it out. This really helps me and have written about this in my EBooks. Check them out on amazon, under the names Carrie Challoner, Carrie Lee Holmes and Carrie Holmes. 

Take on challenges, but at your own pace and give yourself time to take each step gradually and if there is something you are not sure of, to ask for help. I did this when working for a entertainments company and was unsure about the attractions  I would sell tickets for so asked for extra training. 

So I hope this blog helps you and my last one for the blog challenge will be posted tomorow. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Dressing To Build A Positive Mindset

When you look in the mirror who do you see? How does it make you feel? What is it that you are wearing that brings you down?

Please comment below this blog and be as honest as you can be. 

I today feel confident because I stylish pair of leggins and a nice smart patterned top from Primark, and put some make up on. 

Yet I know when I take my make up off, it is going to be "Oh its you again", yet not so bothered because I did recently have a hair cut and that made such a difference and not seeing the same old hair and the same old look, and actually feel like I can give myself credit. 

I have an appointment and so wanted to look like I am alive and can take anything on today. That is the thing, if there is some areas about yourself then it is time to change. Build yourself a capsule wardrobe and have fun in styling different outfits together. 

This year I want to make some real changes, like I want to have a place of my own and work towards it, I am wanting to do some work during the school holidays, I want to start going to rugby again, as the team I support the London Broncos are playing locally and really hope I see some old friends from the days when they would be playing in a field and take my son. 

I used to love planning out my wardrobe for rugby and loved the whole build up towards going. Getting my shirt ready (team merchandise) and would walk all the way from Richmond to Twickenham, and made a load of friends that have stayed in my heart, and hope that I do get to see them again, if they are still going to see the London Broncos.

When it comes to confidence it has to be within, do you need new underwear, and I like making sure I have the correct bra for me, as when we fall out of a bra, it can be one embarrasing, and feel inadequat. so buy the bra that truly fits you and then build your dressing style by doing that. 

As our body change, we need to update our underwear and I have used spandex, because thtey make a difference. For everydady though build different looks, for example, taking the dog for a walk, put out the rubbish, decorating and going into town to meeting friends for drinks. Items that are long lasting and stylish with the other items you have in your closet. Go through what doesn't match. 

Save up on items and plan out your  wardrobe. I have a new cardigan today that I bought from a Charity shop and suits me really well. 

So find items that flatter not just because they cover you up. 

When I first developed boobs I hated them and hated buying a bra. I wasn't ready for the next stage of my life, and I was very body concious and would wear oversized t-shirts to hide them, but stuck out and prefered wearing lycra elasticated vest tops instead, but then when they got bigger didn't fit. It took me a long time to get used to having a big bust.

Having my Period, sorry for the TMI I would feel very uncomfortable, and then turned into a bit of a tomboy as I reached my teen years. 

But subconciously still had a Capsule Wardrobe. It is sorting your clothes to mix 'n' match, and not buying outfits that wouldn't go with anything I already have. 

So, have a good sort of your clothes and there are some really good videos on Youtube that talks about styling and how to get the most out of your clothes. Trinny London and Sheerluke are my favourites. 

I do videos on Fashion too and so please check them out vis this link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUDFIqjVKLy7NhtcR6Hy0Tg

I also write another blog on a wordpress blog I write. Check this link out here: https://carriesversitilefashion.wordpress.com

Lastly have a wonderful day and use clothes to build you up, not down.

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Day 4/Blog Challenge/Dealing With Anger when we lack self confidence

When we look at ourselves in the mirror and see an image we don't want to see it can hit you with a punch, and we can be our own worst Critic, and I am guilty of that. I have taken in out on others and feel bad in writing that but I would, because I needed approval from someone else to help make me feel better. 

Anger can be caused because we question others, example "Why would anyone want to be my friend?" when we feel we look like soneone being pulled through a hedge backwards. We criticize our clothes, the hair on our faces and compare a lot. This then can turn into be resentful, and then be constantly wanting someone to tell us "You look good" and "You are funny and do have a personality we like". 

Self development is the key to get control of the inner critic and shut it down. If there are things that really upset you then address them and take time on yourself. Having a hot bath with bath salts, taking your dog out to walk and put a bit of make up on if it helps and if someone is not making you feel good, as it is a cause when we lack confidence then talk to them about it. Let people to know how you feel. Get to know others who are confident, but not those who rub it into your face but someone that you can click with and chat about anything or everything. It can work wonders for your confidence and bounce off of them.

Finding people you can relate to can help and addressing the feelings will help prevent anger. What is about the people around you that gets you angry. There are still mix feelings when it comes to those who don't feel good about themelves. They aren't seeking attention but want someone to listen and have your back, whatever it is that is causing the anger, and we then become jealous, and like Mel Robbins says, that isn't enough of self worth to go around. 

I do have a book about Anger and it says that, by how you were bought up can be why you get angry because perhaps they were angry when it came to certain things. Like getting frustrated that a skill they are teaching is not being taken notice of by the next generation, when if we study ourselves we can end up copying certain behaviours. 

Discussing it is better than a shouting match and so, if they don't listen then when they want you to listen to them instead, make them know that "Everyone is allowed to use their voice", but with a steady voice. I have often gone out, and when I was living in the South Coast I wouild go and sit by the seaside where I lived at the time. I'd pop to the shops, I would go to another room to calm down and give myself 5 minutes to just chill and then if it was because I came home angry, apologise and lay it to rest/

Many thanks for reading,  

Carrie X 

Day 3 of Blog challenge: Does Anxiety Effect Your Confidence/Managing Anxiety

Hello it is Day 3 and feels like it should be the second day and sure is going fast this week, but enjoying it. I like to take on tasks that are outside my comfort zone and there is so much I want to share. 

I suffer with anxiety a lot, like I am always fluttering to check a trillen times to check that I have everything I need each day to get to and from places. and trying not to go into panic zone.

It can really throw me off key yet I am learning to relax and not frett and just take my time. 

I often feel that I am not good enough and that then makes me ask questions like, "Who would want me?" and "Am I attractive" "I can't connect with people all of the time", but yet I know so many people so I have to rein myself in and reflect in my head that, it is just me seeing, analysing and then, I do go over well, "I have a roof over my head" and "I have worked and met so many people and made them laugh" so I must be doing something right, "I can look good when I have down days about myself " and is the niggly thoughts that can really get to me. 

The Anxiety then forms, but getting to grips with it. Like to day I eaten more than what I normally do and felt extra hungry today, so I did a workout whilst looking after my son Henry and gave me a great burst of, "See you know you can do it" as I like many avoid exercise but when I do it, I enjoy it and, it is in my head. It's understanding the pattern of my anxiety I feel. I do argue with the inner critic, and go through it and pull myself through. 

Today I feared going to have my Smear Test and was dreading it, because of the clamp thing they use to swab, so rearranged it for next week at a better time.

I do take medication to help but for me that is not always the answer, but feel I have a good balance now and did my first 10,000 steps walk this week now in 2022 and it felt so good. This then has got in touch with my happy side of the brain and want to do more to help my lack of self confidence which can cause my anxiety and it can go both ways. 

I really do hope these blogs do help you and please leave a comment below and I will be writing more until Sunday and then I will plan more challenges that helps with my Anxiety and just now as I finish this book I watched a Portrait video of Henry my son got me looking a myself and not liking what I see. 

Yet, I am looking and gonna use my insecurities to stir me to keep up with walking and doing exercise. I am going to do some self care that helps, like moisturise my face, dehair parts of my body tomorrow when I have my shower, gonna put some make up on and film it, and keep and go over the goals I have set and add and change parts of them. 

So more to come tomorrow and so thanks for your time so far, and going to do more work on myself to stop looking at myself and giving myself a hard time. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Day 2: Self Confidence Blog Challenge/Restarting Your Life and Not Just For the New Year

It is day 2 of my blog challenge, please check out my blog I did yesterday. 

https://buildingselfconfidencetud.blogspot.com/2022/01/my-first-blog-challenge-for-2022.html

In this blog post I am talking about how to Restart your life and not just for the New year. So did you set resolutions this year? and have you continued them on or given up the ghost?

I set goals and make Life changes, for example this year I not eating any foods like crisps as I have realised I don't need them in my diet and listen to my body and that has taken time, but so far so good. I know I can give these up as have done so before and it is making small changes that can help towards the bigger goals, like I was diagnosed a few years back of having what I had felt, Diabetes Type 2 and now got it under control and have a good sugar level now and made me feel good about myself.  

It has done wonders for my confidence and always change up my exercise routine by going on what is going on in my life and so I exercise on Sundays, Mondays and Tuesdays and I love doing so. 

So to restart your life is to go through the items in your life you want to keep and what to get rid off and start in one area of your life at a time. Log it in by writing it down of what to stick with. 

Bring in new things to your life, like for me it is to be a Playworker to support kids who need care during the school holidays and did nursery work but was very anxious and my mental health had deteriorated and needed time to recover, so now I am ready for new challenges, hence this blog challenge. 

Challenge yourself too, and can do this whilst making changes to build confidence and if it is appearance like it has been for me, take time in planning different looks and seek advice. I am loving my clothes now and the outfits I can put together. 

Check out my Pinterest of the vision boards I have created for myself: https://www.pinterest.co.uk/thetypicalLondongal/_created/

Last year it was creating EBooks each day for 21 days and really set me on track and then I got help for my anxiety and depression and so this year is to implement things to help my mindset and this can effect confidence and when you do changes we can often doubt them but stick with them, by setting challenges.

If you'd like to check out my EBooks you can on Amazon.com under the names. Carrie Challoner, Carrie Lee Holmes and Carrie Holmes.

If you are struggling with day to day, then it means you need a change of environment so like yesterday I went for a long walk yet had written a huge list of things to do, but needed to be outdoors and really helped clear out my mind and address my feelings of myself. 

I am fed up of being self critical, as it can become draining and so get yourself out of the house and why not meet up with someone as with no more lockdown, touching wood, we can now see our friends and I am planning days out too, as not been up Central London for while and so plan to take my son Henry up there this coming weekend to get out of four walls. 

Fresh air works wonders, so get out and be around good environments that gives you peace. I love to walk along the river and so why I enjoyed yesterday's long walk. 

Have a change around, that can make a difference, for example I would use Sundays to clean and tidy my cube units I used to have change them up and spend time dusting and cleaning shelf by shelf and once finished made me want to go onto the next task. It is so fullfilling to do jobs like that done. 

I am not a fan of cleaning but do like the end result. 

Seeing good results is a must if you are not then you need to keep trying and testing before you find the things you like that do give you good results. 

The results I have seen is that I am getting more things completed and can do things out of my comfort zone like ringing up companies to work with, but then when they are done feel so good for it. I not someone who even though I worked in a call centre, talking a long time on the telephone, but it knew I had to do it, as I may be helping other children to and from school. 

It just has to be worth the while but when you see changes working it makes it totally worth it.

So, I will be posting again tomorrow so please remember to like my blog and thanks for those reading my blogs on this site already, means a lot. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

 

My First Blog Challenge for 2022

Hello so not blogged on here for a few weeks. I have been planning a challenge and I am going to be posting everyday this week to write on this site for seven days.

I did let everyone know in my newsletter I wrote for January 2022, please visit my site https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com

Its going to be fun as it going to be able building a better confidence for 2022 and accomplishing more things into your life and I see this year to be the best year yet. 

So I am going to write about Restarting your life and not just in the new year and how having a good routine helps with confidence and can Anxiety effect your confidence. Dealing with Anger when we lack confidence, dressing to build a positive mindset when it comes to body confident, and how to manage our emotions and is good to cry? 

If you'd like to share your body confidence stories to me then please do via the comments section below. 

I listen to a lot of Mel Robbins who says those feelings, bring us down will always be there, but how making changes big or small, can help you to manage the fears of not being unconfident, and knowing how to control your own mind can really make a differents. I have via audible read her book the 5 Second Rule and have her new book the Hi Five Habit ready to listen to aswell. 

The blogs will be for a full 7 days, so last one will be on Sunday which is not a day I usually post blogs but will for this challenge as there is so much I want to share with you. 

So the next blog will tomorrow and will be about What you can accomplish and learning your thoughts. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X