Having Christmas Blues, how to deal with them and still seeing friends and family through another Lockdown

Hello and welcome! I really hope you had a good Chrismas, it is Boxing Day which is one of my Nans, my Nanny Rose birthday today, and this time 40 years ago we would go around to her flat she shared with my Grandad Jack to celebrate it and have Christmas Dinner there.

It is today or the day after where we can get the Christmas Blues, because all that planning and preparation makes us excited and then, its like a blink of an eye and gone until the following year.

I always got the Christmas Blues and I often suffered with SAD in winter time, which is Seasonal Affective Disorder, but it didn't have a name when I was a kid and just thought I had the hump because it meant going indoors earlier than the summer and going to bed early.

If you do suffer with SAD then you can get a Lumie Lamp which helps you wake up naturally during the winter and can make a difference. I was given one free when I worked for a manufacturer who made these, but I gave it away. I would buy one of these for the Winter time as it they can do wonders as I find this time of year your body clock can be all over the place.

Having Christmas blues is normal and can effect your confidence in the fact you feel you have nothing more to look forward. Being in Lockdown it is difficult to know what to do, but there are plenty of things. You can still see friends but limit it at the moment, and have some of your girl friends and have pamper evening where you watch a chick flick, paint each other nails and have a hair cut or dyed if someone there can cut hair and colour it for you.

Being in Lockdown does not mean we can't still have a life. The Queen god bless her is still going to celebrate with her family and I hope that I get to one day meet her Royal Highness again, as it has been a long time since I used to see her at Bolton Gardens with her sister Margarette as they were very close and always like a twosome. Where the Queen went so did Margarette. Plus the Queen Mother who was so down to earth you sometimes forgot she was the Queen mum. 

The other thing you can do is meet someone in the park, as a few are still open or just go for leisurely stroll around your home town as there will still be supermarkets open and just having a short catch up with them can do us wonders. We as people need socialising so you can still do it, even using Zoom or Face time, just being able to interact with people still, is so good for our wellbeing and should not allow Lockdown to stop us. 

I hope, like many that the Lockdown shifts soon so we can have some normality again and have a huge amount of people in one place again, as I an dying to see a Football match again. It has been a hard year and can't wait to see the back of it. 

I have a new love in my life that has helped me through this year and family that I have seen on the TV but forgot that I had met them years ago, and have seen my go from a complete state to someone who fought tooth and nail some days and still here to tell the tale of my last year's nightmare. 

Christmas should not be about you fighting for your life but about enjoying the people celebrating with you and taking in the day. I want my son and daughter, one day to have good memories like I did of Christmas time. That should not be taken away from them, and have them open more presents after Christnas too, so it is not over for them to quickly. 

So I hope you all have a good Boxing Day and I will see you in next weeks post where we will be in a new year. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie (L.M) X

So 

Getting Confident again for a New Year Ahead 2021

Hello and welcome to my blog post. Here I talk about Building Self Confidence and certain topics that have had an effect on me, being someone who struggled with Self Confidence, through out her life. 

I lost a lot of my confidence this year, as I really want to show my face on camera again to do more Youtube Videos, but got so upset because I felt like I just couldn't do it. 

I want to film for Youtube and have done a few different types of content for my Youtube channel, but I want people to see me again. 

Here is a link to my Youtube Channel:

https://www.youtube.com/user/cazzacheers1

I am going to get into it again, as I tell myself, and keep thinking no I'll do it next year.  

I do love filming but staying on track I find to be toughest thing about creating Youtube videos. I can get behind on uploading my videos, and have done so and then lost my Mojo to put my face on camera. 

The Key goal I have for next year is to get my confidence back to show my face on camera, as rumour has it, I may be on TV soon, so watch this space. And no it won't be on crime watch, but some really good programmes on TV. I love doing what I do as a blog writer and writing my books which I hope to turn into a TV series also. Writing has kept me going this year, and would not live without it.

I write practically every day and going to continue to do so. I am Getting Confident for a New Year Ahead for 2021 already and forget this year. I have already set out my writing plan for my books for next year. I am working on two already and want these to be done by the end of this year. 

I want to have a lot of things to look forward to, and be excited for a new year for a change. Often I have gotten upset of the new year, as felt like some years I haven't accomplished anything. 

This year has felt like 4 years together, but I think 2021 will go so quickly being that there is a lot of things on the horizon for me, and want a change and have a brand new beginning. 

I have already set out my goals for next year. I do this way before the end of the year, as I like to set out a plan for each year. 

I want to keep evolving and have another Online course that I have been putting together, so I will let you know once this is up. 

I want to in the New Year go outside my comfort zone a lot, and take on new challenges. I want to meet people I have not seen in years, and avoid old companions because they didn't care for me at all, and pretended to be my friend.

Having friends take the piss out of my hard work that I put my heart into disheartening, and made me see that they are just selfish and just want to use me rather then treasure my friendship. 

When I become friends with people I am a friend for life and not just for 5 minutes. They are the ones who sit by you when you are down and help you through tough times. 

Jealousy has been a keyword this year, and it is not a good trait to have and has caused me some harm just because I am working for myself now and is my own work, noone elses. 

So I hope you have a Wonderful Christmas and will blog next week on Christmas day. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie (L.M) X

P.S: Please check out my JustGiving page where you can donate money to the cause I am raising money for this year, which is a charity called Tommy's, who support and raise awareness of Stillbirths and Premature births, and so all donations are welcome:

To read all my blog posts you can visit my main site:

https://www.carriesblognetwork.squarespace.com

Please check out my Pinterest page too:

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/carriesblognetwork

Not Feeling Good At Christmas

 

A lack of feeling unconfident can happen at any time, and especially at Christmas at parties whether it is work related or family. 

I am not going to any this year, but I am going to do as many things I enjoy as possible at that is one way of helping you to ignore your lack of confidence for a bit, by focusing on the things you love. 

Noone has the right to tell you how to live your life, not even your parents, as we don't belong to them as they are the holders and are meant to be guardians to help build on our personalities and guide us to be happy, that is what God had intended, not to be told what to do. 

There is a man out there that wants to look after me and love me out of this world, and yes it is someone well known, and there are family that do care and do want me to have a happier life. I want a place of my own, more children and have a bloody good end of 2020, and to feel good about myself for a change.

I do want to start a fresh and at Christmas that is what I think about. I am not fussed about getting materialistic items, even though it is nice for those who do so, but this year I want to be rid of those demons who still haunt me, like so many and live on making myself and others who do love me, have a happy ending each time, no matter how much there are others that want to make it tough. 

I would love to buy my mum a place in Spain one day, the Car she has always wanted and give her the life she wants to have, so she can retire when she chooses to, and finally be free of carrying such a workload and retire peacefully,

I am not here to save lives but honour those who do look at for me and make sure that I am safe to help make them safe too. Christmas can be tough and can bring out all those insecurities. Chrismas lunch is lovely but how many cut down on their eating before they do this? I am not. My appetite has changed and lost weight but was not intending to do because Christmas, its something I always think about. 

Who puts these worries on to us?

I am and can see that a new thought coming, when I say this, can we just enjoy Christmas without worrying about calories? I bet God who invented Chritmas along with Santa did carry Bathroom Scales around with them, so why do we focus on that?

I am going to scrap all that, and just focus on getting fit again. Dressing in a way that helps build my confidence and stay strong as I can.

Here is a song that says just that by Cyndi Lauper:

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

P.S: Please check out my JustGiving page where I am raising money for the charity Tommy's here is the following link:

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/theparentingadventuresprematurebirths

All my posts can be found on my Squarespace site:

https://www.carriesblognetwork.squarespace.com

Being Comfortable In Your Own Skin

FIND WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY! IGNORE HATERS.

I have talked about this before, but I want to talk about it again, as I do still cringe when I see myself in the mirror at times, and there is a line in the, Bruce Springsteen song Dancing in the Dark, "I want to change my clothes, my hair, my face" and I sing this out, because, yes I do feel this way sometimes, and have, Changed my clothes, my hair and did think about my face too.

I went through a faze of changing my hair colour, wanting to be tanned and get rid of what was known as "Puppy fat", that I had as a kid. 

Then once going through my clothes one day, I realised that I was slimmer than what I had realised, as I found a skirt that I bought to be part of a suit, as I had a jacket to go with it aswell, and wore it when I was 12 at my Cousins wedding, and was a size 6.

Eyes and mirrors can be deceiving at times, and I used to hate trying clothes on, in Fitting rooms in high street stores and I would get very upset and give up and go home. 

The one thing I am going to do whenever I feel ugly, I am going to put together some pictures of myself, where I know I have looked okay, and for me to see that actually I don't look terrible and have looked good.

I have listened to those that have put me down, for their own satisfaction and to make themselves feel good. It is hard to take that at times, but once in secondary school, when one girls tried to do this a lot, I then turned on her and did the same, to see if she liked it and no she did not, and cried, because if your gonna dish it out, you then should be able to take it back. 

Ignore haters. I do say this a lot, because repetition helps it go in your head and stay there. They will always be around, unfortunately, but honestly they do this, for one reason, because they actually telling you something negative about them, and that is, that they are so insecure and jealous and are the ugly ones because of this and not you.

Being comfortable in your own skin takes time, if you have been bought up with parents who are insecure about their looks too, it can be passed down. I have changed being a mum, because I see it from my son's eyes and try to do this a lot, as he doesn't see size when he looks at me, he sees me as his mum who loves him out of the world, and that is important and loves you no matter how you look.

Do what ever helps. If you feel make up will give you a boost of confidence then wear it, and I do. Not all the time, but it does help me see that I can look good, even if I don't without it, I do like smart clothes and do like to be smart casual. 

I do spend a lot on skincare and use different scented haircare products, I do read self help books, and listen to audio books and podcasts, whenever I get a chance. There is a brilliant on called, Doing it scared, by Ruth Soukup. If you register on her site, she sends them to your email, on a weekly basis.

There is a brilliant book by Vern Cotton about being happy:

Happy: Finding joy in every day and letting go of perfect 

Do what makes you happy, don't put pressure on yourself, because you do what I have done a lot is compare yourself or felt pressure by images online, and look through photos, and find the one that makes you the most happy. Enlarge it, put it in a frame and onto a wall, so when you feel down about yourself, look at it and see, you are beautiful and you don't have to be a super model, or have a super body to look good, because you already do.

Please check out my blog on the related site to this one, about Living a More Productive life 2021

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

P.S: Please check out my Just Giving page of the charity I am raising money for, called Tommy's. They support and raise awareness of Stillbirths and Premature births. 

I have added new videos to my Youtube channel, so if you would like to see these then please go ahead, in this link:

https://www.youtube.com/user/cazzacheers1

Please check out more of my blog sites I have, to read more posts I write weekly and daily via this link and check out this video I put together:

https://www.carriesblognetwork.squarespace.com 

When friends go against you

I have learned this year that those who pretend to be your friends are the ones that don't stand by you when you are down, but feed of you when they are. They like listening to themselves only and go on and on about how they do this, do that and everything else, but not an inch interested in you.

Their smile is fake, and love having drama in their life and blag it about. Okay so I talk about how I have battled with Mental Health, but there is stuff I never want to share, because I would rather keep some stuff to myself. 

I wrote my blogs to help and support others and not afraid to talk about having a bad day, but this year there is stuff that happened to me that I am not going to talk about in my blogs, because one I know there will be people holding it against me and won't believe me and think I am bad mouthing people, which I don't want to do, but talk about issues that others can identify with, but if a friend told me a private story I would keep it that way, and because I am not ready to discuss somethings and believe that everyone has the right to keep somethings between just themselves. 

I have discovered a whole new family, but I am not going to talk about their lives out of respect, but I do know that there are those that make out your their friend only to stab you in the back once you turn away from them. 

I did learn a lot about this year, and there are those that want to see someone commit suicide and don't like to see you do well for yourself, even though when it is them, they can't wait for you to listen.

Friendship for me is a two way street and if they are happy listening to you, then you should be interested in them. If they send you a birthday card, send one back to them. 

I see myself as a friend for life, but I am also now seeing it as some people to be happy, you have to turn your back on people that aren't truly supportive, and aren't really interested in you and have no real respect for you. 

I am not going to name names because I want to keep that to myself but they do know who they are.

So if you feel that someone is pretending to be your friend, but makes sneaky comment or talks about you horribly behind your back then they aren't worthy of friendship and only have their own interests at heart. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

When lacking of self-confidence can get the better of you

There are some days where I feel good and that I don't look too bad, but other times where as soon as I see myself in the mirror I am like "Bloody hell I look awful, that is not how I imagine me looking" and I really give myself a hard time.

Then I catch myself as I write about being positive and create good habits on my related site to this one (see link below) that do help me feel alright with myself and say "What is the matter with me, why am I shouting at me now when I felt alright two minutes ago?".

https://everyonecanbuildacastle.com

When lacking of self confidence gets the better of you, you just want to say to the critic in your head telling you, you aren't beautiful and you aren't worth looking at and you aren't the same person in the mirror that you imagine yourself in your head, and goes on and on, and I want to say "SHUT THE FUCK UP".

I know if a person in the street kept saying this to me I would want to do the quickest sprint ever away from him or her, or punch them in the nose. 

There are times where I think if I am not worried about the way I look, I worry in case I don't and the same cycle above begins again. 

I have now met the man of my dreams and I love him to the moon and back and we have been seeing each other for a while now, and he loves everything about me, which has given me such a lift that I can't put into words how much I love him too, and I just want to talk to him and kiss all day long. 

I wish I could see what he see's but lacking self confidence and telling myself I am not worthy of being a beautiful person and I will never be the super looking woman I want to me, has become a habit, and I do, do a lot of self development to help me over come these thoughts, but they still have a sneaky way of creeping back in, and I wish that I had a hammer to smash that lack of self confidence voice up and make it go away.

These Self Development Habits are for example:

• Writing in my journal 
• Going for a walk 
• Having a healthy meal 
• Buy clothes that suits the colour of my skin and fits my shape
• Wear some make up for a change 

Dealing with your Self-confidence is something you do need to face head on to stop it from being there and another way I do this, which can also be included in this, is what I have often neglected doing, some self care. This can be from reading a Romantic Novel or a chick flick, watching a movies and painting your nails, washing your hair or using a lovely scented shower gel and then rubbing oil into your skin. It can be anything that makes you feel, "Okay I am not that bad, and I do feel good about myself now". Self care is essentially is giving you back your wellbeing to feel confident about yourself again and doing something for you, rather than worrying about other people all the time.

I love my son, but I did find when I was married to my first husband and becoming a mum, that I often lost my identity and who I was. This has come back and shown me that I can still be a mum, a wife again hopefully some day, that I can still have my identity its just got to be with the right people. 

The positive side of being a mum is you start to see things from their eyes, and they aren't going to say "Oh mum why haven't you washed your hair?" they don't care, and when you are happy they will feel happy too, and I don't want my lack of self-loath to effect him, and for him to feel the same. I want my children to all be happy with themselves. 

So if you have these moments of lack of self confidence getting the better of you, and you have ways in which have helped you overcome it, then I would love to hear from you. You can leave a comment below. 

Have a wonderful Friday and weekend, and I will be back with two more blogs next week.

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Building onfidence through fashion

Hello and welcome to another self confidence blog. 

Can you build confidence through fashion?

Yes, yes, yes, and yes I do believe in retail therapy as long as it doesn't break the bank balance and you still budget, then yes it can be the best form of building you self confidence. I buy most of my clothes from Amazon, Newlook, Dorothy Perkins and Very. I also like shopping in Charity shop, but be aware not all of the money you spend in some of these shops, actually go to the charity.

Since the days where Amazon just mainly sold electrical equipment and books, have expanded into fashion that I will do a Haul at some point, as I had quite a lot of credit on there and many of the clothes are good quality. I avoid sites like EBay, because some of the clothes on there look great in the picture, but not so great when they are delivered and you try them on. 

Fashion can help confidence when you take time to see what colours match your skin tone and your body shape. Yes comfort also is part of it, but I like to put a piece of clothing on and say "Yeah I don't feel so bad today". My confidence took a blow this year and as said in other posts, building self confidence is a working progress when you haven't felt good about yourself a lot through your life. 

I hate it when I look frumpy and out of shape. Create a vision of how you would like to look and write a list of clothes you would like to add to your wardrobe. I often go through my clothes to see what I still love to wear and don't. There are key pieces I like to have, one being a Denim jacket, a black pair of bootcut trousers and in the winter ankle boots, knee high boots, winter walking shoes if you are like me like to go for long walks to keep fit and active and good fitted winter jumpers and cardigans. 

Create a look book for yourself of different looks you would like to do, by putting together clothes and accessories you have already got and then via Pinterest or google docs for example, create other looks to go with items you wish to keep in your wardrobe.

What about make up?

I never wear this all the time and my love of my life, Lee loves me without it, but will put on at the weekends or if I am off out somewhere. Wearing too much make up everyday, can age you, and I am a believer you should allow your skin to breath. 

I never spend much on make up at all. I only bought four things this year, as I allow my make up to last. Never store make up for too long though because of bacteria, that can harm the skin.

To build your confidence it is all about how it makes you feel within, aswell as the outside of you, and when I follow my skincare routine, put on a new piece of clothing it lifts me up and look forward to the day ahead, instead of wanting the day to be over as soon as it has begun.

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

When you feel you aren't good enough

                    

This was not the blog I was going to write, but I feel I need to, because having struggles with confidence, it has, and I have talked about this in my other blogs, it has continued with me and I am forever doubting myself, questioning everything I do, because of others questioning me, and feeling like, even though there are people who care, they just don't quite get it, or me. 

I am not looking for sympathy or even a magic wand, I just sometimes need a ear to listen, not give judgement or a solution, but someone to just listen to me. 

Talking today with my friends about school, and how I felt thick on some days especially when it came to subjects like Maths and wanting to be invisible, because I dreaded it when we would have to do a Maths test, it just was my worst nightmare because I couldn't do it. 

When you feel like that you do feel somewhat alone and as if I don't really belong there. 

My grades at school were I would say average compared to other girls in my class, as I went to all Girls School for my Secondary school and completely mucked up my R.E (Religious studies) exam as I had answered the wrong set of questions, but I found this courage in me when this happened, and told myself "I'll be okay and not the end of the world" and from sharing my experience with lack of confidence, sometimes you find it through courage and acceptance. I accepted that I would never be an A Star pupil, but my grades when I left school, weren't that bad either, and so if you are teenager in secondary school or at university, if you don't get the grades you wish for, don't let it bring you down, but see it as something to work towards so you can be an A star, just learn at your own pace, rather than under pressure.

When it took my GCSE I was the only one in my year to get "U" in Maths, which is basically a no-pass, but I ended up in my second job I did, work in accounts and had to learn basic maths to do the job. So never allow exam results dictate your life, but things you need to work on or perhaps find a subject you do like and thrive in that instead. 

Life is about choices and I kinda see my Maths result I got in my GCSE's as a award, because I was the one and I feel like "Yeah okay I'm honoured" no one else could have beaten that. I know some may say "Why" if it is a bad result, but the one thing that has helped me through my life is having humour and it still drives me forward today. 

Having a good sense of humour can help wonders with your confidence, because if you reflect on comedy, most comedies are based on sad stories, like Phoebe in friends, she had a sad childhood, but yet her character is very funny. 

So why can't you have humour about your life? Does it need to be all seriousness?

Of course not and so if you lack confidence you can find ways to get through it, to help you be more confident, it just needs to be what makes you happy, as long as it is not hurting anyone, and makes you life feel more fulfilled.

I hope you found this blog to be helpful and I will post again as of next week. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X  

Having no creativity "I just want to be a lazy bitch"

This was not the original blog I was going to write, but I feel that I needed to because I know I am not alone in having a day where I am having no creativity in me and I just want to be a lazy bitch. 

Not giving too much information but it is the "Time of the month" as some people call it and feel I have no energy to think or to do, and just want to lay in bed and stay there for the whole entire day. 

I suppose you may think what has this got to do with confidence?

Well it is days like these where I lack confidence because I feel tired, unmotivated and just want to hibernate for the day, until I ready to face the world again. 

When I have these sorts of days like this I don't tend to do too much and listen to my body and what it wants to do. I was so tired earlier that I felt fuzzy headed and not right, so I took a nap. 

I do feel somewhat better now, but feel as soon as my son's dad picks Henry up I will go to bed and stay there until tomorrow. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X

Feeling Worthless and that noone is on my side

I felt this yesterday evening when I was getting my son to go to bed, whilst I had a quick shower, because instead of my side being taken and supporting me, I was told me off as if I was doing something wrong. 

All I wanted was to have a shower, and my son needs to know that he can have mum time, but mum needs her time too. I had been looking after my son for most of the day and just wanted to freshen up. 

Feeling worthless and that noone is on your side is very diminishing and soul destroying, and you feel like no matter what you do it's never going to be good enough and worthy enough.

Sometimes you do have to be careful as to how you treat those close to you, because they can appear to be strong, but are dying inside and that is how I felt last night, I just felt completely alone and not worth supporting.

I did argue back and said how I felt, but I was told to shush and it is so hard when you want to yell out and noone wants to hear you.

It isn't right that you have one rule and everyone else has a different one, because we all get tired and children can be demanding and they need to know their boundaries. 

As a parent I do feel like I am constantly getting it wrong, and I need some support and I feel like I am not getting that and whenever my son does something wrong I am always to blame. 

I am always the one in the wrong and that just makes me feel like I just want to disappear.

I don't feel good about myself a lot anyway so when someone makes you feel you are to be blamed all the time, it can feel like, why am I here then?

Being a parent it can feel like everyone is better at it than you, and what you say doesn't mean a thing. 

Sometimes the world can feel like it is constantly against you and that you have no rights, but everyone has rights and should be able to say "I am no happy and this is why" without being told to shush and not wanting to listen. 

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X 

Summer insecurities

I kind of feel I hit home with feelings of self conscious during the summer in my last post wrote two weeks ago about How I would love to have a beach body, because I say to myself every year when summer comes that, next summer I am going to be flat stomached, more toned and suntanned. 

It gets to summer and wish I could look like the girl I was when I was in my teens and twenties again, but even back then I thought, at the time, I looked plump compared to other girls my age, and friends of mine.

Yet seeing photos of those times I was not plump at all, and it is all to do with my mind and how I have often see myself. I think we can be so cruel to ourselves in ways, that if it was someone saying these things to us, of what we felt we wouldn't stand for it. 

Summer insecurities are very common and many hide away from it because they are not happy with themselves, and we I think as we get older, well in my case anyway, the feelings of being insecure can become a lot stronger rather than decrease, as we continue to grow as adults. 

However now, there are some real good swimming costumes for larger size women or I should say curvey now, than before which actually hides your unhappy areas away, like your stomach and waist, and great if you are big boobed like me. 

When I first developed breasts I hated them, and I would do all I could to hide them, and I hated going bra shopping and I did find it very embarrassing when looking for bras with my mum, as she wouldn't be quiet about it, and I felt I remember somewhat exposed.

I rarely ever and even now I don't wear a bikini, as I don't feel comfortable or feel I have the body to wear one. 

I remembering feeling when my boobs started growing, like "I am not ready for these please take them away", and I remember at Primary school, yes that is when they started to develop around when I was 9 or 10 years old, and this girl saying as I was getting changed for PE, "It's about time you were a bra isn't it" and I remember thinking "No I don't" as if in denial that I had some horrible things growing out of my chest. 

I remember my first holiday to Menorca and wearing my first bra and I did feel very self conscious as if everyone could see it, yet I would go on holiday with women who were my mum and dad's friends and would go topless, so you'd think I would be in some way used to it, but I wasn't. 

I have often dreamed about being a beach babe in a bikini, and do feel low when I see images of very slim women strutting their stuff on Instagram, but then remind myself that it is just an image and we all have insecurities about ourselves and that is more to do with being healthy rather than, how you look. 

So if you feel insecure this summer then please try not to, try not to compare yourself and just remember and write them down all the things you do like about yourself, as this can work wonders, and stick them on a wall, take a photo or save onto your phone, so you can remind yourself of these whenever you feel unhappy about yourself. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X 

Learning to love yourself instead of listening to your inner critic

Learning to love yourself instead of listening to your inner critic is something if you have suffered with lack of self confidence throughout your life then it is down to work and persistence to keep your positive mindset going.

It is all about you looking at yourself differently. One way of doing this is to find a picture of yourself or go through your memory of a time when you did feel good about yourself and focus on that image. 

If there is some part of yourself that you really don't like then jot it down on a notepad, this is where keeping journal comes in handy and then set goals of how you can remind yourself of that image where you were happy about yourself as if that image is standing in front of you, going through what you liked about this girl or boy you once were in this image and what changes you can make to be like that girl again. 

Go through things you do like about yourself and highlight them, and create a vision board of what you would like to look like and go through habits that you do currently that you can change so they can become positive feel good habits. 

If for example when I was a kid to a teenager, I would worry about the colour of my teeth because I did drink a lot of tea that can stain your teeth, and it did make me feel self conscious. In seeking help and advice from the dentist, I began to drink less tea, get my teeth cleaned by the dentist regularly and use whitening toothpaste and that really helped and I did feel much better about myself when I made this change. 

At the moment I have been unhappy with my size due to putting weight on during lockdown, which I know many have said this too, so I now do as I did before lockdown, exercise daily by walking and doing strength training indoors with dumbbells and have started to feel better about myself again by introducing this to my life once again.  

Check out my blog site: Sports and fitness coaching as I write about my fitness and sports I regularly do and have given some of my own tips and advice including hacks that can save you time and money when doing fitness training:

http://sportsandfitnesscoaching.com 

What you need to remember is that as much as you want perfection in your life, everyone's perception of being perfect is different and everyone has insecurities or have experience having an insecurity and that noone is perfect. 

If it makes you upset looking at images on Instagram for example, then take it off your phone or device and don't look at it if it doesn't make you feel good. 

Try not to compare yourself, I have been guilty of this and you can't really compare because everyone is different and so just focus on you and what makes you happy, and makes you feel good when you look at yourself. 

Give yourself a makeover and practice Self-care as this can make such a difference to how you feel that it can become a ritual or positive habit that brings you so much joy that it then becomes second nature and can shut the inner critic up for once. 

You just need to focus on you and be kinder to yourself rather than constantly criticizing yourself. 

I wish you well and please stay safe, and if you have any thoughts about this blog that you would like to share then please do leave a comment below. 

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X

  

How I would love a beach body

Hello and welcome to another Building Self Confidence blog. Today I am talking about how I would love a beach body.

There was a time I was super slim, but still had insecurities with wearing a bikini, as it means dehairing and I don't mind saying I do have a lot of hair growth that does get removed on a regular basis, but then I find my skin can get itchy and have red spots on my skin from shaving too much.

I would love to be able to strip off without feeling so self conscious, but I just can't do it, and as I have gotten older keeping the weight off has become a lot more difficult compared to when I was younger, and even then I thought I was plump, but looking back on photos from my passed, I wasn't plump at all and it was all in my head.

A lot of feeling self loath is in the mind and everyone has qualities and things they don't like about themselves, but that is to do with them and not necessary how other people see you.

I do exercise, I walk a lot and train indoors. I have joined gyms but I do find them quite expensive, and have gone to pay as you go gyms but now they are all closed I have had to use alternative methods to stay fit and healthy.

Looking after myself including my mental health does take a lot of work at times, but I try by going over what I am thankful for, what I do love about myself and what I bring to life, and I am more of less a positive person, I just need to be kinder to myself at times, and be grateful that I do have good working eyes, ears, mouth and nose. I am thankful that I have all my limbs and can walk or run, so sometimes going through those things helps me to see it isn't really about not having a beach body, but how I feel about myself and what I am willing to change to help further my confidence about myself.

Many thanks for reading,


Carrie X

Building your kids confidence

Watching my son who is 6 years old, takes me back to when I was a kid. He seems to be more of a daredevil than me, as today he climbed a very high up climbing frame in one of our local parks, which he has never done before, and I thought wow, where did he find the confidence to do that?

As a parent I have come to realise that sometimes kids have to find the confidence to do things on their own, rather than being pushed to do things.

I as a kid would have never attempted to climb such a high up climbing frame, as I was a bit of a scaredy cat as a kid, and never did monkey bars as I was fearful of not being able to hold on, and falling off.

However there was a time when I loved going on rollercoasters and was never really scared until I got older, and it was caused by having a bad experience on a ride in Jersey, where I was being wized up in the air and couldn't breathe because it was so windy and because of that I become fearful on going on fast and high rides.

Since Henry, my son came into the world I have had to curve in my lack of self confidence because I don't want my fears to be passed on to him, and I love the fact that he is a lot more confident at his age. I feel sometimes to get the best out of life you do, have to do things that you would never have dreamed of doing, and that means taking risks.

As soon as they see you are being anxious about something can cause them to be aswell, so I let Henry try different things now when playing outside and unlike last year when I had him on reins when we would go anywhere, I now have the confidence of walking with him without reins and he will stay by my side most of the time.

Encouraging and rewarding my son works a treat and helps build his confidence even more.

You have to allow them space for them to explore and if they do fall or not confident then give them comfort, but praise them for trying.

Never put too much pressure on your kids, because often, learning from my own experience being a mum, is that they will just stop or do the opposite to what you tell them to do.

If you would like to read more of my experience of being a parent, then please check out my 3 books published below, and my WordPress blogs, where I specifically write about my life as a parent.

• The Parenting Adventures, Pregnancy to the first 9 months
• The Parenting Adventures, Baby to Toddler years: You are not alone
• Parenting EBook: Welcoming your baby into the world Kindle Edition

Here are the links to my two parenting blogs I write:

• https://theparentingadventurestipsandtricks.wordpress.com 
• https://theparentingadventuresthebirthofmyson.wordpress.com

Many thanks for reading,


Carrie X

Writing a bullet journal to help balance my days

My Achievement Journal 

So if there was a pill that would help us with our confidence I bet we would take it in an instant. Life is full of ups and downs, and so our confidence can be destroyed quite easily.

Sometimes it is taking the rough with the smooth, but if we see things not as a problem but as a challenge, we can often control how we feel and not allow it to get hold of our confidence and ruin it.

I am currently writing a bullet journal, writing down everything I do each day. I have called it my achievement journal, and as I look over it and go through each day it is helping me to gain some perspective and see that I can accomplish daily goals by not multitasking but concentrating on one thing at a time and to see if I am doing to much on some days.

It has also made me see what I am not giving myself time for, like more rest time, so this weekend I have still written a list of things I would like to do, but shortened it down, and have included some quality TV time. Scheduling downtime is just a important as getting everyday chores done, because like today I do feel somewhat burnt out.

As I see it now, it is not about how many things you can do in one go but balancing time to do different things, like catch up on youtube, listen to an audiobook, fit in some exercise and watching TV. 

Life isn't about racing through each day but doing what you can to help you have a better structured life and doing the things you enjoy, aswell as things you gotta do. 

Many thanks for reading,


Carrie X

The Truth About Growing Up

When it comes to confidence the struggles with it can grow with you as you go from a child to an adult and new insecurities can surface, example celulite, having children and whether you will ever meet the man of your dreams. 

As a child I was instantly unsure about myself and took me a long time to find out who I really was, and discover what I was good at.

The truth about growing up is that when puberty hits and for me it was quite early on in my childhood that it all began, from the age of nine and upwards, hormones began to kick in, making me paranoid about having big boobs, still carrying puppy fat and being petite.

Being small has had it prejudices like people even when you become an adult treat you like a child, don't take you seriously and comment on your height.

Jokes about my size no longer bother me and I will often joke about it myself.
When growing up you do feel pressure from your peers and I felt for some time inadequate and different to other girls my age.

I was never one to have a lot of boyfriends, and didn't really date anyone until I reached my late teens and twenties.

Body confidence isn't something you instantly gain but can be a slow process and when you do find the thing that sparks energy and happiness about yourself can be hard to hold on to.

One thing that has helped me is helping those less fortunate, like when I met my pen friend Sammy who was in a wheelchair and how full of life she was, opened my eyes to the fact that I have nothing to complain about.

I can walk without needing support and I have all my limbs, can see and hear, so what do I have to moan about?

Also practicing gratitude and achieving things like the Great North Run, helped build my confidence to show what I really am capable of when I put my mind to it.

So if you feel low look around you and write down everything you are grateful for and this can have a real impact on how you feel about yourself.

Plus do something spontaneous that you have always wanted to do and take yourself out of normality as when we do the same thing all the time, this can lead us to having low self esteem, because we can get stuck in a rut.

Set yourself goals to helping you be more confidence in yourself, like giving yourself a makeover which with all the choices we have now is easy, especially as some of us are still in lockdown.

The one thing I have started to do as I was feeling unhappy with myself is started doing lots of walking again to hopefully lose some weight again, last week was a low week for me, but since beginning my fitness regime again, I am starting to feel a whole lot better with myself.

So take a long look at yourself, and realise that you are an incredible person and ignore those who think  you are not. 

Many thanks for reading,


Carrie X 

Living a more productive life to help build our confidence

We all need a bit of TLC at times and time to reboot our energy levels, I say as I look at my bed that hasn't been made yet. 

So the next job I will be doing after I write this blog is make my bed, as I find it does set up my day better when I do.

I have already had my shower and got dressed, well I didn't fancy doing the school run in my Pajamas, so I kind of had to. I did set my alarm for 7am but for some unknown reason it keeps being stopped so it didn't go off.

Nevertheless I still had 30 minutes or so to get ready, and even managed to grab some breakfast, whilst my son was being uncooperative this morning, such is life.

My mum and I had an argument this morning so didn't start off well, but I am still determined to have a productive life, as I like to do most days. That still means making sure I give myself some time  doing the thing I love which is writing and writing my blog posts.

Being productive doesn't mean doing twenty jobs at once it means just spreading your tasks throughout the day when you have enough time to do the things you need and want to get done, plus spending time entertaining your children, if you have kids that is.

Children as we all know can take up a lot of your time so it is means being somewhat organized and being productive so they have some mum time aswell, and when things do go to plan you do feel somewhat confident in yourself.

We all have things to do so let's just get through today so we can enjoy the weekend upon us.

Please stay safe and many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Fathers and Sons

Hello and welcome to another Building Self Confidence blog. 

This week I am talking about Fathers and Sons, seeing that it is Fathers Day this weekend and some of us won't be lucky enough to see our dads due to lockdown or like mine, my dad has passed away a couple of years ago.

I do miss my dad loads and he was the one who did build up my confidence when after one dancing presentation evening, my dad actually said to me out loud that "He was proud of me" and I remember being taken aback because of this.

Parents, which I am one now, can surprise you at times and say things out of the blue without any warning, and that was just like that and I was lost for words.

As a parent I want my son to feel good about himself as much as possible and not lack the confidence I did when I was his age, and be willing to try his hand at anything.

Fathers and sons are unique because they can have this male bond or drive each other bonkers. I remember my dad not really having a good relationship with his dad, my Grandad Jack, and wondering why.

They can become logger heads and not stand the site of each other, so as women we try to be the man in the middle to calm each one of them down. Now my husband and I have split up we share our son, so I take care of Henry during the week and get to spend some time with him and his fathers sees and gets to spend time with him at the weekends.

It can be tough because when I go to pick Henry up he can kick up a fuss to say he would like to see his dad, but it's just not possible, because of the hours his dad works.

I would never stop Henry from seeing his dad, and if Henry turned round and said "Mum I would like to live with dad" I would say even though I would feel a little hurt, stand back and let him. Of course it would depend if his father would want that too.

So lets embrace the fathers and sons in our lives and say Happy Fathers Day and stay safe.

Many thanks for reading,


Carrie X

Building and finding your confidence

Hello and welcome to another building confidence blog.
With confidence it comes within, and is something that you build up on as you go through life.

It can take a while to find your confidence but it is possible. I found my confidence through activities like writing stories, painting, playing sports, drama and dancing.

I did dancing for about 14 years and one the cup for the highest marks and it took a lot of lessons and patience to get there but I did, and won the highest marks children's trophy the year before.

I found something I was good at and it made me see what I could achieve when I put my heart into it. Once you have found your niche then work on it, and set yourself goals and targets as you continue to build on your skills and knowledge to enhance your confidence.

Sometimes it means going beyond your comfort zone, but if you set you self little goals aswell as big ones it is achievable, and when you do achieve your goals as you continue so will your strength and determination which are recipes to a greater confidence.

So never allow anyone to hold you back and go for your dreams and goals and when you do log it down and review each goal achieved so you know where to continue to grow and get even better at.

Remember to stay safe and don't allow the lockdown we have been under to stop you from achieving success and your confidence.

Many thanks for reading,


Carrie X

Learning about myself through dancing

Growing from a kid to an adult it took me a long time to learn about myself and who I really was, as I often felt that I couldn't be me.

I was very self conscious of myself from very early on, and it took dancing school to get me out of my shell.

Dancing is a brilliant way to boost your confidence, and I would go every Saturday morning, first at Sylvia Dales and then at Riley's dancing school. I did Ballet and Tap to begin with, and then went onto doing Ballroom, Latin and Disco Dancing.

I even find watching people dancing therapeutic, especially watching Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire, see video below:

I loved films with Judy Garland and Gene Kelly, one being this one below:

I love dance it keeps you fit and you can do it indoors and at many gyms offer such classes, and adult community colleges, and when I went up to King Cross St Pancras station saw a load of couples doing the Salsa.

Dancing for me was my way of releasing my energy and those endorphins that I couldn't wait to continue on dancing the week after.

When I worked at Butlins you would see me most nights dancing in Jaks letting my hair down.

I have often now put some tunes on and started dancing in my living room.

So if you want to build your confidence why not take up dance it is brilliant at bringing a smile to your face and getting to meet new people.

Many thanks for reading,


Carrie X

Losing Sense of time

Hello and welcome to another Building Self Confidence blog.
In today's post I am writing about losing sense of the time, as this can so easily happen, when events in our lives take place, like losing a love one etc

It has been a testing time, many of us practicing self isolation and social distancing.

We can often feel that we have no control but we do. I used the time during the lockdown to write a blog/s everyday and work on some new books I wanted to publish, created a new work system to manage my work load, I created my first online course, (check out my blogpost on my related site everyonecanbuildacastle), and so I have really embraced the time I have had to make the most of self isolation.

Now it is time to gain some normality and gain more sense of time again. I will have that time from when Henry starts school to when he finishes to get bits done, I will hopefully be able to go back up to London again, take charge of my fitness as I have lost some of that since the lockdown and I am going to begin running again.

So it is time for me to embrace the school run once more and embrace that free time. My son I think is ready for school again and he will be able to mix with other kids again, which he has missed.

We have made some last minute preparations.

Have a good week everyone and stay safe as much as possible.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Respecting people with Mental Health Issues

I have just come back from having my evening meal and I wanted to reach out to all those like myself who have suffered or going through mental health issues.

There was a teacher at my school who's partner had killed themselves and the people around me were talking about his funeral, saying how the music was terrible. Why would anyone play that?

Let me tell you when someone is clinically depressed,

Tip 1# Don't judge when you don't know

I have been clinically depressed and hence why I am on anti-depressants now and it can be the loneliest place in the world, and you imagine your funeral, and I would have had my family respect my wishes.

Today after those close to me knowing what I have been through this year first of all didn't believe me when I felt someone was after me, and made it about them.

Tip 2# It isn't about you it is about the person who is depressed

You need to put your own feelings aside and listen. That is half the trouble I felt like noone was listening to me.

All you want is someone to listen and not judge, just be quiet whilst I poor my heart out.

Tip 3# Never say you understand when you clearly don't

People who are depressed, anxious or have psychosis are in a very bad bubble and feel there is no way out.

Only those who have suffered with this problems can understand what is like and are more likely to say "I have been there you can get out of it".

Tip 4# Respect people with Mental Health issues, by giving them space not thinking they are attention seeking but are crying out for help for a reason.

I sat not so long ago on a bench in Hammersmith near Hammersmith bridge and cried my heart out and kept thinking about jumping off.

I haven't told anyone, but there were people who knew but were helpless and was going through trauma themselves.

I felt like my world had come to an end.

Tip 5# Be compassionate with someone who is clinically depressed or have other mental health problems

I don't mean treading on egg shells just offer them your shoulder to cry on if they need it.

I know there are times where as family member you can't always help those with clinical depression, but just being there can make all the difference.

Respect peoples wishes and don't judge those like you wouldn't like to judged yourself.

Many thanks for reading,


Carrie X

Ten Tips on how to create Happiness

Hello and welcome to another blogpost on this site. 

Here are 10 tips on how to create happiness:

1. Make the most of every day. If you had one day to live what would you do? To me is spending it with people that I love, going to a concert or a soccer match and letting my hair down.

2.    Find you niche. So what creates good energy and makes you want to get up in the morning.

3.    Find your smile. When we smile it automatically releases endorphins and can be contagious.

4.    Learn to be comfortable in your own skin. I have struggled with the way I look, but now I will have a good old look at myself and see that, “I’m not so bad after all”.

5.    Being content. For me that is writing or sitting in the garden reading or listening to a book.

6.    Practice gratitude. I schedule time to journal in my gratitude book and really helps get rid of the cobwebs and feel good about life

7.    Give a compliment. If you see someone wearing a nice dress or pair of shoes for example let them know, as this will make them happy and in turn make you happy too.

8.    Create a happiness journal. I have one and love to get it out and write about an event I went to which was a success or even on a day out somewhere. This is a great thing to create as you can make it into a photo journal.

9.    Create a happiness board. This similar to above and creating a vision, but this will be a board with photos, a picture of your favourite dress, a flower from your garden, anything that makes you happy

  10. Have a worry pot. So it’s like having a mindfulness pot, with happy messages, well you can do one for your worries and then at the end of the week go through them and ask yourself, was it worth the worry? Did everything turn out okay?

  Many thanks for reading, 

  Carrie X 

Having Self Belief

Hello and welcome to another blog post. 
In this blogpost I am talking about Having Self Belief, which is so important to our happiness and wellbeing. 

If you don't have belief in yourself then this will reflect on other people around you.

The one thing I am learned is not to doubt myself as I can be my own worse critic, but I know I have strengths, which are, I am determined, passionate and compassionate.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, but how you deal with them is what will make a difference.

If you dwell on your weaknesses then that is all you will see, so you need to get in touch with your strengths, which will override your weaknesses.

Yes you should still work on your weaknesses, but the worst thing is to allow them to dominate.

It is a bit like if you kept thinking about a red car, and suddenly all you notice are red cars everywhere. It is what you focus on.

Self belief is so important to help you towards conquering your goals and achieving things in your life.

So be determined, find your strengths and stay focused.

Many thanks for reading,

Carrie X

Building confidence about your self image

Since I was a kid I have always been someone who has struggled with their self image, and compared myself to others.

At school there was a girl called Sherie who I have written about in my book The Peabody Years, because she was so pretty and popular, that I wished I could be just like her and would imagine it too.

I have always found it tough since I was a kid to fit in, but now I am 41 years of age my outlook on myself image compared to back then has changed dramatically.

Please check out my EBooks relating to this topic called,

How To Stop Scrutinizing Yourself and stop self sabotage

Mind Matters : Building Self Confidence 

Don't get me wrong I still get those days where I avoid a mirror of any shape or form. I still am hesitate at times when it comes to trying on clothes in a public fitting room, but I have learned to love myself more and appreciate what I do have and what I do like.

Excepting who you are is important especially being a mum now, I don't want my son to feel those emotions about himself like I have done, and I want him to thrive. So I am conscious about my self image, so my insecurities don't rub off on to him.

The one book I would recommend to read about building confidence is a book by Paul McKenna, called,

Change Your Life In Seven Days

It will help you get out of a rut and even if you are in lockdown you can still follow the book and its exercises.. 

I found it super helpful and I have even got the Paul McKenna book, 

I Can Make You Rich

• If you need financial support which is not helping your confidence then this book is great to follow. 
• Meditation is also good way of feeling good about yourself, along with exercise and eating a lot healthier. 
• Practice mindfulness, which is noticing everything around you whilst you breath in through the nose out through the mouth.

Yes you can still splurge now and again, but as I see it a treat is a treat and not something you need to have everyday. You know within yourself that if you eat 12 Mars Bars in one go, you ain't gonna feel happy, but regret. As soon as we eat fatty foods and processed foods the more we crave them and feel we need them, which in turn destroys your confidence because you are now paranoid about your weight. 

I see it as unnecessary stress. 

You can easily workout at home, I have done and I am going to start doing some exercises today even if it is for 5 to 10 minutes or going for a walk. I have been self isolating at my mum's for a bit now, and my marriage has broken down, so things have changed, but I feel new positive outcomes on the horizon. 

I can look at myself in the mirror and feel like "Yes I feel good today" And that to me is a stepping stone. 

Tony Robbins does videos about Instant Confidence, check out his video linked below: 

youtube.com/watch?v=eI7Tdvi4PBA

Building confidence about your self image, is to remember that noone is perfect and many images on magazines have been airbrushed and edited in a way that they look good, but it has taken make up and hair done professionally for them to look glamorous on the front cover. 

We can be unkind to ourselves and ridicule every each of our body. 

• Practice gratitude as this helps get in touch with the positive side of the brain and go through what you are thankful for. If it is self image, then say "I am grateful for my eyes and ears" for example, because there are people who can't hear or see, and we should feel grateful for these senses. 
• Create a vision board of what you would look like and set a budget, as it could be the jumper is too big or jeans for example not suiting your body type, so create an ideal you, and think carefully about this image you see in front you . 

1. Are they super confident?
2. How are they standing?
3. What are they wearing?
4. How are they speaking?

• Go through your wardrobe and have your own fashion show and put outfits already together and watch repeats of Gok Won programme How To Look Good Naked: https://www.youtube.com/user/lookgoodnaked This is really great for inspiration.

In any case beauty is within, they can be the most beautiful looking person in the world but not necessarily a nice person. 

So don't fret over the way you look and have fun with putting make up on, painting your nails or dressing up for a change if you are going out. 

I will post more very soon....

Many thanks for reading, 

Carrie X